


there you are (i hear you calling)

by newhams



Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gun Violence, Minor Becca/Kelly, Minor Sam/Grizz, References to Depression, TW: Mentions of Drug Use, TW: Mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-05-20 22:27:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 44,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19385824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newhams/pseuds/newhams
Summary: “You remember too, don’t you?” he says, and Allie feels her breathing come to a halt for a second. She stares back at him, almost daring him to finish his line of thought, “The other world.”-Harry and Allie find themselves to be the only two out of New Ham who wake up back in their old life and old world. The scars of their past aren't so quite easy to move on from.





	1. Chapter 1

Allie thinks she’s dreaming.

 

She wakes up the same way she does every other day, slowly, then all at once when she remembers everything she needs to do. Organising work positions, sorting out any issues that the town members have, fixating on what needs to be done so they can all survive. It’s exhausting, and Allie can’t remember the last time she felt at peace.

That is until she begins to walk down the staircase, expecting to see the familiar faces of Will along with Grizz, Becca, Luke, Sam and the rest of her friends, and instead is greeted by the faces of her family.

Her mom, her dad. Cassandra. They’re all there. They all hover round in the kitchen, brewing tea and eating breakfast. She hears her mom’s laugh and it sounds _so_ real that Allie doubts her own imagination could produce something so accurate.

“There you are,” her mother says, smiling at her in such a familiar way it makes Allie’s throat close up. “Did you sleep in? You’re gonna be late for school, honey.”

Allie doesn’t know what to say.

She doesn’t know what to even think.

Allie hasn’t let herself cry since Cassandra’s death six months ago. _There’s no time,_ she would always say as an excuse. The people of New Ham come first. Not Allie and her emotions. Pull yourself together to present a strong front as a leader.

But this time, her tears betray her without a second thought. It’s all she can do to muster a choked “Mom?” before they all look at her in vivid concern. Her mom rushes over, cradling her daughter’s face in her hands. “Allie, what’s the matter?” Allie manages to decipher, but all she can focus on is her mother in front of her. She looks exactly as she remembers her, beautiful and tender. And she’s here.

The tears continue to fall as Cassandra comes into view. This one hits harder and Allie is caught up in trying to understand why this is happening. Is this moment here occurring so they can get ripped away from her in a second? Is this some kind of punishment?

“Is this… about Will again? Because I promise you, your broken heart won’t last forever.” Cassandra tells her, softly but in a convincing manner, the way she always speaks to Allie. Because in front of everyone, Cassandra is a fearless, resilient leader. Everyone listens to her. However, with Allie, she was always more gentle. At times she thought it was condescending, but Allie could laugh at their past arguments. It all seemed so trivial to her now that she was dead.

Except right now, she’s here too. She isn’t dead.

And so, Allie lets her arms wrap around her sister, she rests her head on her shoulder and she allows herself to feel at peace. At home.

 

***

 

It’s a weird adjustment. Allie is still trying to wrap her head around it all. She’s back home in the real version of her world. Every time she wakes up, Allie quickly runs downstairs and feels the relief that she isn’t back there. Haunted by every decision she makes.

Allie learns a lot because she obsesses over the details of how this could make sense. The smell has gone, apparently. The town had paid someone to take care of it, and they had. Allie learns that the school trip actually happened, and everyone came back on the buses fine.

At first, it’s perfect. She’s with her family. She has her ordinary, boring, beautiful life back that she wouldn’t trade at all. She eats breakfast and dinner with them every day, she goes to school and soaks up all the knowledge she may once have ignored and she hovers around Cassandra even moreso than before, scared that something might happen.

It doesn’t hit Allie till later that despite having everything back, she feels completely alone. No one here shows any sign of remembering New Ham the way Allie does. Allie’s terrified to bring it up, almost as if it were a curse that shouldn’t be spoke of. Little things like eating more food than necessary feels wrong, and Allie can’t explain to anyone why. She senses definitely her sister’s concern, but Allie doesn’t have the heart to tell her.

The thing is it’s _scary._ The other world, or whatever explanation they decided on, forced teenagers together to survive. In a situation like that, friendships and bonds arise that never would have before. Now, Allie looks at people she would have considered friends, like Helena and Luke, as she walks down the hallways at school and attempts to smile but she receives nothing back. As if they never knew her. Allie doesn’t understand how that is possible. Why is she back here? The question stays with her constantly, and she feels fearful for the answer. She isn’t Gordie or Bean and isn’t the person to figure it out. Her mind constantly goes back to how it doesn’t make sense for only her to be sent back. That wouldn’t be right – that would be Sam, Grizz or Becca, who were only ever good. The very most she would think others like Kelly may return, who have grown into a better person. Allie doesn’t think she deserves this.

Sometimes, it’s overwhelming. Allie avoids the hallways and goes to the safety of any empty classroom to regain her breath and stop panicking over it all. She should stop questioning this and instead appreciate how lucky she got. This still has happened almost every day since she got back. Allie allows herself a moment, then returns to Cassandra, who manages to anchor her down without knowing.

 

 

The worst time it happens is when she sees Dewey in the hallway. Dewey, who she had sentenced to death and killed. He was alive, talking to other jocks she briefly remembers Harry hanging around with. Allie feels her blood turn to ice as she can do nothing but stare. Dewey turns around and clearly feels her eyes on him, looks Allie up and down in what she thinks is disgust before saying something to her. Allie doesn’t quite hear him – not when she feels like she is going to collapse in on herself. Instead, she runs. Knowing the classroom won’t be full of any people, Allie slams her bag onto the table and sits down on any chair. Her head remains in her hands as she tries to regain her sense of self again. The silence is deafening in a way that Allie finds comforting. She completely shuts herself off from the rest of the world for just a minute or two, which is why she almost jumps out of her seat when she hears the sound of someone else’s voice.

“What are you doing here?” They ask, groggily, as if Allie had just woken them up. She turns around then, ignoring her shaking hands and the tears that threaten to fall, and is met by Harry Bingham.

He sits there near the back of the classroom. The first thing she notices about him is that he looks tired. Exhausted, even. His hair is a mess, and he seems as if he can hardly keep his eyes open. As if even this simple conversation is just too much for him to bear.

Allie instantly is drawn back to a similar time when she visited Harry in his room. _You have to get up,_ she told him then as he held onto her hand for a moment of comfort. The memory makes Allie flinch.

“What are you doing here?” Allie instead repeats back to him. In this world, her and Harry are not friends.

 _I just didn’t know you then._ Harry’s words float around her. Even in the other world, Allie doesn’t know how she would describe the relationship between the two of them. However, there was understanding there. She cared about him, despite everything that had happened.

Harry Bingham is a lot of things. He is privileged and he is spoiled and it allows him to get away with things. His words were what inevitably lead to Cassandra’s death in the first place. Harry is also, at heart, a boy consumed with the loss of his father. Allie thinks he may be completely alone, if shown by the limited people who interacted with him when all went to chaos.

But most importantly, Harry never showed this at school and in the real world she knows as home. Allie, along with everyone else, knew Harry as the most popular guy at school who was rivals with Cassandra. Arrogant. Loud. Troublesome.

This is the first time that anyone in her real home has surprised her. They haven’t acted or looked the way she might have expected. The Harry she knew of once upon a time would never have been in a classroom alone looking devoid of everything.

She can’t do this to herself. If she allows herself to pretend that the other world happened and that all those memories exist for other people, her heart breaks a little more. She can’t expect things of people anymore. That’s why Allie starts to leave. Running away seems to be her solution these days. Maybe because there’s everywhere to run this time, Allie thinks bitterly. She picks up her bag, ready to ignore whatever conversation she was having with Harry because the hope that this is the Harry who remembers their alternative world could destroy her if it is just that: hope.

Allie is seconds away from leaving before she does hear Harry’s reply. “I don’t know,” he says so quietly that Allie believes he was talking more to himself than her.

His answer doesn’t help Allie’s racing mind.

 

***

 

The unease doesn’t stop. It’s made worse in particular one afternoon as Allie sits with Cassandra and Will eating lunch when Will nonchalantly asks Cassandra about prom. “Who are you going with?”

Allie freezes. Memories of prom include the night ending with her sister, dying alone. Her feeling of powerless has become regularity now, it seems. She hates it. It’s as if the universe is mocking her.

Unbeknownst to her struggle, Cassandra continues. “I… actually don’t know yet.”

“Hey, what about Gordie? He seems pretty interested,” Will replies, with a knowing smile, as he and Cassandra turn heads to see the boy who glances at Cassandra before turning away after seeing them stare back. Allie feels sick. She knows how this plays out. Gordie can’t go through that again, I can’t, is all she can think to herself.

“Hey, you know you don’t have to go… We can stop at home and watch movies together. I’ll get snacks and we can-“

“Allie,” Cassandra stops Allie’s desperate rambling and gently holds her hand from across the table. Cassandra has always looked out for Allie, but now Allie thinks her concern seems stronger. Allie talks a lot less than she used to, she’s more confined to just listening to everyone. It is as if she wants to take it all in before it disappears, or maybe she simply just doesn’t know what to say anymore. “It’ll be fun to say goodbye before leaving. You and Will can always stop in and do that.”

Cassandra smiles at the two of them, like she knows a secret they don’t. However, Will told Allie a few days ago about his crush on Kelly. It almost makes Allie laugh because everything is so predictable here. Of course she knew that. However, Allie remembers she _shouldn’t_ know that, so instead she simply nods and lets Will believe her silence is due to her own supposed crush she had on him for a long time.

“Oh, um. Yeah, maybe.” Will instead answers, awkwardly. She can’t even be around her best friend anymore. Allie feels as though she’s the one that’s leaving – as if she’s outgrown all these friends and has changed into a different person. It hurts her more than she thought. Instead, he tries to change the topic which stops Allie in her thoughts. “Oh, did you hear about Harry and Kelly? They broke up.”

Cassandra is unaware of Will’s crush, but her rivalry with Harry is known by everyone. “Well, I always liked Kelly so at least she saw the light, huh?”

Allie can’t bring herself to smile back and support her sister this once. Harry and Kelly would have never broken up at school, she knows this. They were almost the golden couple. They likely would’ve been prom king and queen. Allie’s stomach churns.

 

***

 

Some days the people she sees haunt her more than her dreams could ever try.

Allie is waiting outside of school for Cassandra so they can walk home together like they always do. She sees Emily across from her, staring at her phone.

She’s brought back to the horror of being inside that Church. Emily’s dead body is brought in. Death by a snake bite. She was the first person in their town to go.

Allie feels a sense of guilt for not thinking about her sooner, wondering if she was here. She walks to where she’s stood, feeling incredibly sad for some reason. “Hey,” is all Allie says. It’s silly, she thinks, because they don’t talk. They never had. Allie always thought about her, though. She died without saying goodbye to her parents. She died in the middle of nowhere, distraught and in panic. Allie thinks the whole town hurt for her.

“Uh, hi.” Emily replies, and Allie feels the enormous weight on her shoulders of dealing with these memories alone. “Good job on the play by the way,” she says then, which takes Allie by surprise. “Assistant stage manager, you did great.”

The play feels like a different lifetime ago to Allie. Watching Cassandra and Harry act side by side, the regifted flowers, the innocence of her crush on Will. The reminder causes her eyes to well up with tears. She hides her emotion by thanking her quickly and mentioning that she needs to find Cassandra.

As she walks on, she wipes her eyes. No one is paying attention to her anyway, she thinks. It was one of the few benefits of being in Cassandra’s shadow. As she wasn’t looking where she was going, she bumps into someone.

“Fuck, can you watch where you're… Allie?” Harry Bingham. Again. This is the second time he’s caught her, mid breaking down. He looks at her, and then Emily, and back.

“’M sorry.” She says, weakly. Allie doesn’t trust herself when she’s like this and she wants to go home. She wants to hear about Cassandra’s day and not think about this other time.

Harry stares at her, with a question in his eyes that Allie is too tired to figure out. “Just, um. Take care, okay?” He says, once again glancing at Emily. “And yeah, maybe watch where you’re going?”

Allie hears the kind comment under his underlying teasing and smiles easily. Harry is a natural at doing that – getting others to ease up. Sometimes it’s frustrating, because he says words with his charm, but she doesn’t think he gets the impact of them. The memory of his conversation with Dewey and the other guys by the pool about Cassandra still repulses her, but the complete destruction of himself Allie witnessed after his words cost her life made Allie realise how deeply he regretted it all. She doesn’t quite know if she can ever forgive him for it exactly, but she understands the horror of living with something as horrible as a death on your hands.

She thinks about how Harry was one of the few people in New Ham who understood that trauma.

She feels like she misses someone that is right in front of her.

 

***

 

It’s so close to Cassandra’s prom and Allie can’t sleep. She’d been tossing and turning all night thinking about it.

Before she goes mad, Allie decides to throw on a top and some jeans before leaving the house. It’s stupid, she knows that, going out at night in the dark. The old version of Allie Pressman wouldn’t, knowing she’d receive a lecture from her parents and Cassandra. And for once, she thinks, that neither would the Allie Pressman who lead New Ham. Not without The Guard.

After quietly leaving the house and walking down the street, Allie thinks that this is the first time she has actually felt like a real person again. She’s become accustomed to trying to pretend she was the old Allie, who was the shadow of her sister. In the open, she doesn’t need to pretend.

Allie is lost in her own thoughts again, but it isn’t long before she hears people. She knows realistically she should be scared, but Allie is so tired of expectations and the same old now that she goes towards them.

Amidst the dark, Allie registers where she is. She’s by her cousins’ house, Campbell and Sam. Allie has visited plenty times over the years, even though their families aren’t really close. Her parents, Cassandra and her always had an inside joke about how Campbell was always a little weird. They didn’t know the half of it, Allie thinks bitterly.

Their light is on, and the door is open. Allie briefly makes out two figures, and wonders why anyone else is up at this time. As she comes closer she makes out Campbell at the door talking to Harry. Allie can’t quite make out what they’re saying, but Harry appears desperate. His hand is in his hair frantically and then Allie hears him raise his voice. “Just help me out.”

Campbell’s smirk sends chills down Allie’s spine. Allie still remembers Sam’s confession to the group. He’s a psychopath. Almost as if he could sense her fear, Campbell catches sight of Allie. “Cousin, to what do I owe the pleasure? Not here for the same reason as my friend Harry are we?” He sneers at her.

Harry turns around too and catches Allie’s eyes. The same exhaustion is there in his face, but also in the way he carries himself. He does, however, seem surprised by Allie’s presence.

Allie’s own confusion gets the best of her and she decides she’s stepped into something she wasn’t supposed to. “Um, nothing. I should get going.” Allie mumbles, suddenly ready for the comfort of her own home and away from Campbell’s creepy presence.

“You should too, Harry. I’m tired. Next time, call me up at a time that isn’t in the middle of the night.” Campbell leaves little room for Harry to reply before slamming the door in his face. Harry’s whole body slumps, and Allie hates that she feels the need to go to him. In another world, maybe.

Harry instead continues to shock her by addressing her directly. “Why are you out here, Allie?”

The usual spite that might have existed because Harry associates Allie with Cassandra isn’t there. He eyes her intensely, and Allie feels uncomfortable thinking he can figure her out by just looking at her. Allie doesn’t quite know how to reply and is more content looking at her feet, ready to leave whatever moment they were having.

“Come on,” Harry says, a little softer than she’s used to, “I’ll walk you back.”

Allie is surprised by his action to do so, but finds herself walking along with him. It’s strange and Allie doesn’t know what to make of it. The silence between them is comforting, a stark difference between how she feels with Will. Allie feels compelled to break it when remembering why he was out there to begin with. "You always out this late?"

"No," he replies, a hint of a smile on his face. "You always creep by people's houses?"

Allie laughs at that, thinking it likely looked weird from their perspective. "Yeah, I do. Keep an eye out next time." It's weird talking to Harry like this. Joking around with him. Even in New Ham, Allie felt a lot of their time together was still serious. She didn't even dance with him at prom. It's nice, she thinks, when she doesn't have to worry about everything around her. She remembers suddenly her conversation with Will and Cassandra earlier about Harry and Kelly breaking up. She wonders if that has something to do with this. She knew Harry took Kelly's presence in his life seriously, even in their other world. "I'm sorry about Kelly, by the way."

Harry merely shrugs, which catches her off guard. "It's okay. Just wasn't the same anymore."

Allie doesn't know how to respond to his vague answer. Instead, she remains confused about why he would be awake at this time. “Why were you visiting Campbell?” she asks, and hopes he's honest with her.

From the corner of her eye, she sees Harry swallow somewhat nervously. Like the Harry she likes to think she knows, he instead turns to her with an easy smile that reminds her so much of the night they played fugitive. “If you’re not gonna answer my question about why you're out here, I’m not answering yours.”

Allie can’t help but smile back. “That’s fair,” she decides, knowing that there’s no way she could explain to Harry why she was out here, running away from her thoughts. “Think Campbell’s the last person I’d want to be visiting at this hour though.”

Harry laughs at this, and Allie feels warm inside. “Oh, so who would be first then, Pressman?”

Allie can’t make out if he’s teasing or flirting with her, she’s never been good at this sort of thing. Harry was the first boy she’d ever been with, if that could even count anymore. She knew his question wasn’t serious, but Allie thinks for a moment that there isn’t a single person she could rely on. She feels like no one here understands her anymore. 

Harry seems to sense her shift in mood and looks at the floor. “So um, is Cassandra going to prom?” His voice is so quiet that even in the dead of night she strains to hear it. The question makes her stop dead in her tracks.

“What?” Allie all but whispers back. She knows she should simply reply to Harry. He was just trying to make conversation. The nightmare replaying in her head over and over seems so close to her though, and she finds that she can’t. “Why would you… why would you ask me that?” She appears hysterical, she knows that, but Allie is tired of pretending otherwise anymore.

He’s speechless though, now. Allie’s hands begin shaking again with the reminder of what prom means, and she knows this time she can’t run away from Harry’s intense gaze. “Do you not… want her to go?” He asks, and it seems like a test. Allie’s heart is racing.  

Allie has tears in her eyes when she speaks. It seems that happens a lot when Harry is around lately. “I can’t do it.”

“Do what?” Harry doesn’t miss a beat. He seems so awake now, for the first time since she’s seen him.

“I can’t do it _again_.” Allie confesses, and knows she will come to regret it. Harry might not know what she’s talking about. This might be her delusion because she’s tired too. Allie is the kind of tired that she feels in her bones. 

He’s quiet again, and Allie finds it unnerving this time around. She’s almost at her door, and is about to thank Harry for walking her when he finally speaks. “I saw you talking to Emily.” Allie is confused by him recalling this out of nowhere. Harry doesn’t leave her any room to say anything, “I’ve seen you around looking… lost… like everything is collapsing in on itself and you don’t know what you’re doing… and I see you every day… with Cassandra. It’s different though. You’re not just her shadow because she’s up front. You’re there because you’re... holding onto her, somehow.”

“What, so you pay attention to me now?” Allie asks, feeling vulnerable now. It's supposed to have the same level of teasing they had before, but both of them know this falls flat. This level of focus is something she doesn’t get from anyone. That includes her parents. Everyone’s eyes are on Cassandra. Allie is expected to fall behind and everyone believes she is doing okay no matter what. Allie plays that part well.

“You remember too, don’t you?” he says, and Allie feels her breathing come to a halt for a second. She stares back at him, almost daring him to finish his line of thought, “The other world.”

This is the first time anyone has ever shown any recognition of it, of New Ham.

Allie feels like she could cry in relief. 

“Yeah, yeah I do. I remember everything.”

Harry has his own sigh of contentment. Her Harry, the one who kissed her by the side of his pool that one night of distraction. “I knew it.”

Allie feels so happy she’s prepared to throw her arms around him and cry because this means she’s not alone. She isn’t going crazy. It’s the news she’s been waiting for this whole time. “Look, I gotta get going in case my Mom notices I’m gone, but  um... meet me tomorrow at my house before school, okay? Let’s figure this out.”

Allie nods before turning in for the night, the weight on her shoulders feeling a little lighter than before.

Her and Harry are both back in the normal world. She doesn’t know quite know what to think that means.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a few things i want to address:  
> a) i want to clarify that this story is set around episode 7, when the show did the six month time jump. meaning, the thanksgiving feast/the coup/eden's birth and whatnot hasn't happened. this is because i wanted the story to seriously focus instead on allie's feelings as a leader after the death of her sister and executing dewey, as well as harry's addiction and depression.  
> b) in this chapter there is some suggestive graphic talk that might make others uncomfortable. i felt this was important in analysing the show's scene in the third episode with harry and what it told us about the influence of our peers and the way men target women. it also allowed me to show harry acknowledge himself that he was wrong, and to challenge it, although please note: this doesn't excuse his behaviour.  
> c) THANK YOU for such a great response to this story!! it really does mean the world to me because i've always been so insecure about writing. i appreciate your comments so much!! i had planned for this chapter to be longer and the prom was supposed to be included in this, but i felt i should cut it shorter and save that drama for later hehe. SO, enough of me rambling, i hope you enjoy! (any feedback is appreciated)

Allie wakes up earlier than normal. She walks down stairs ready to sneak out before her family notices but one look at Cassandra and she feels guilty. Allie hates doing anything wrong by her now. She thinks back to their fight over Allie not being on the council and how that was one of their last conversations before she died. It seems so trivial to her now.

“Hey, if you don’t mind I’m going to go on a little walk before heading to school? Is that okay with you?” Allie asks, holding onto the strap of her bag a little anxiously. It’s a lame excuse, she knows, but if she told her sister the reason she’s heading out earlier is because she’s going to see Harry Bingham it would cause a mess.

Cassandra raises her eyebrows and Allie knows she doesn’t really believe her. “Sure. I’ll meet you later.” Allie turns to leave, but she hugs her sister before she does. Cassandra makes a noise of surprise at first, and Allie knows if there’s one thing she loves about being back home is that she has her sister with her again.

Cassandra lets her go smiling without saying anything, and Allie thinks it’s likely because she’s worried about her and doesn’t want to upset her.  

Allie knows she isn’t acting like herself. She doesn’t quite know who that is supposed to be anymore.

 

It isn’t a long walk to Harry’s house. She’s glad for it because Allie is achingly desperate to see him. There’s a part of her that worries last night wasn’t even real, and that she felt so alone her imagination had conjured up something to comfort her. She doesn’t know what she thinks she’d do if that was the case.

Allie knocks on the door and feels odd.

The last time she remembers being here is when she had the Guard by her side, ready to talk to Harry about missing work shifts. It was formal and she hated it – she hated having to take away food, she hated leaving him alone knowing he wasn’t okay. Despite all the things he had said about her sister, Allie cared about everyone in their town and that included Harry.

A young girl answers the door and Allie recognises her as Harry’s little sister. She smiles brightly up at Allie and it makes her heart ache. She was so young. Allie had mourned the loss of her sister but didn’t think about those who had lost their siblings from their start. “Are you here for Harry?” she asks.

“Yeah,” Allie says, and it’s weird that she’s so used to spending her time with teenagers that she feels out of her depth interacting with kids, “if he’s out of bed yet.” Allie finishes, smiling back at the younger girl who looks so much alike her older brother.

“Can hear you, Pressman.” Harry’s voice shouts from inside. His sister giggles back and tells her to come inside. Again, it’s weird seeing the house back to normal. There isn’t a group of teenagers taking over every room. Allie thinks that Harry is probably thankful for that at least.

“Pressman? As in-” she overhears Harry’s mother ask, who then stops as she sees Allie walk into their kitchen with her daughter. “Allie. Nice to see you. Would you like some breakfast?”

Allie knows that the comment likely comes out of a place of confusion. Their town is small, but everyone knows each other. Allie would have been to parties that Harry was at whilst he was younger. The thing is, Allie is not someone who would be seen around Harry Bingham now.

Allie is about to be polite back to Harry’s mother and decline, but Harry cuts her off before she gets the chance. “We gotta get going,” he says, then ruffles his sister’s hair and leads Allie out of the house. It’s a sweet interaction that makes Allie notice she had never seen this side of Harry with his family, but he completely ignores his mother, and that surprises even her. 

Harry’s dad had died not long ago. Everyone knew this. She wondered why he held any animosity to his mom, unless he felt the same way that Allie felt at times when she was with her parents – unable to face them after what she’s done.

Allie is in the passenger seat of Harry’s car before she notices how he doesn’t at all look ready for school. “You don’t even take a bag with you?”

Harry starts up the car, and pulls out of his drive in the opposite direction of their route to school. “We’re not going today,” he states, like Allie was supposed to already know this, “I’m sure you can miss one day, Allie.”

Allie isn’t concerned about missing school. It feels almost insignificant to her lately – like a routine that she’s stuck in. How does she go from organising work schedules to being back in a classroom? The thing is, people will notice if she isn’t there. “What am I supposed to tell Cassandra?”

Harry looks out of his mirror then and away from her, and Allie thinks the mere mention of her sister’s name puts him on edge still. The knowledge that he contributed to her death still seems to hurt him, despite her being alive and fine now. “I’m sure you’ll make something up,” is all he says and Allie scoffs.

“Asshole.” She mutters under her breath.

Allie doesn’t want her sister to worry about her even more. It’s unfair, and Allie knows if Cassandra didn’t turn up to school after she had seen her that morning she would be concerned. Allie gets out her phone and overthinks what she should text her.

**Allie:** _Not feeling too well. Walk didn’t make me feel any better. Staying home._

It’s brief and Allie hates it. She hates lying to her sister, but especially when she’s actually in a car with Harry Bingham not even knowing where she’s going.

**Cass:** _Ok. See you later._

_There’s still some left over ice cream in the freezer btw to make you feel better._

Allie smiles, and locks her phone screen. Harry notices and looks at her in a way she’s never been able to figure out. “It sometimes doesn’t feel real,” he says. Allie knows what he’s talking about – being back here, with everyone around you, “Every time I see my little sister I wonder if she’s going to disappear again.”

Allie feels a pang in her chest because she knows exactly how he feels. She’s still scared every morning that it is going to be New Ham she wakes in, where her parents are gone like everyone else’s. “Your sister is really sweet.” Allie decides on replying, because thinking about the ‘what if’s’ hurt her more than she cares to admit.

“Yeah, yeah she is,” Harry answers smiling, and Allie can see how much he cares for her. It’s endearing, thinking about Harry in the big brother role.

“Definitely my favourite Bingham.” Harry laughs at this, and Allie feels lighter for a moment. She loves being able to make conversation as easy as this, without having to think hard about how she should reply as to not worry or confuse someone.

Then again, Harry has always been a great distraction.

“Is it weird driving to the actual limit again?” she asks, and it seems like a stupid first question to ask him after finding out he remembers New Ham, but the memory of playing fugitive one of their first nights is still fresh in her mind.

“I mean, it’s not the weirdest thing about being back,” he replies, smiling, “and at least I don’t have to worry that you’re gonna jump out and get hit by a car again.”

It’s funny to her how that is one of Allie’s favourite memories from their world. She remembers the adrenaline she felt, running out to catch fugitives, and how she really felt alive that night. _My heart is beating so fast,_ she remembers saying before getting up again like nothing happened. She misses that side of herself a little more than she cares to admit, but being the leader the town needed was her priority.

She also remembers hearing Harry’s yelling as he ran over to her, tenderly holding her side as panic took over. “Yeah, maybe not this time,” Allie says, feeling almost bittersweet. “What is the weirdest thing about being back then?”

“All of it.”

Allie is surprised by his answer. She would have expected Harry to have revelled being back in their real home yet again. With all of his privileges, she would have thought he would return to be the exact same person. “The most popular boy in school doesn’t enjoy being back?” It’s a half joke, and they both know it.

“Having popularity means nothing, Allie,” he utters. It’s something that startles Allie – she knew herself that popularity wasn’t everything. Allie was known only by association with Cassandra at her school, but to Harry it seemed like his life revolved around it. “None of them are my real friends.”

The confession takes her aback, and she thinks again about how she never saw Harry with anyone as the months continued in New Ham. She remembers the way he held onto her wrist for comfort when he was at his weakest because he just needed human contact.

“Is that why I saw you in the classroom that day? Hiding from everyone?” Allie wonders out loud. He shrugs as his reply, and Allie thinks she’s only halfway right. Seeing him with Campbell last night still plays on her mind, because as much as she likes to think she does, Allie doesn’t know everything about Harry. She can’t connect what she’s missing.

“Why were you in there?” he asks instead. It’s different to the first time he asked her in that moment. He looked tired and confused, now he’s calmer. Allie doesn’t feel the need to be defensive this time, because if anyone will understand it’s Harry.

“Sometimes it’s all just… too much, you know?” It’s brief, but she doesn’t want a reminder of how seeing Dewey makes her forget how to breathe.

The ghosts that haunt her dreams are now alive and right in front of her. She doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to wake up and face these ones.

“I know,” Harry says, and it helps her more than she thinks he knows.

 

They’re back in their old world, yet Allie hadn’t thought about what that meant for the town.

Harry had been driving for a while. She thinks he doesn’t really know where he’s going, has given no indication. Allie doesn’t care anyway, and is grateful for this now. She’s glad to not be back at school, listening to the people around her talk about prom.

What Allie had come to remember as only green, forestland was now back to its original state. They pass the ‘leaving West Ham’ sign like it was always so easy. She hears Harry let out a breath as they do so, and their situation feels even more real than before.

She remembers the panic that overtook them all when they received word from Harry and the boys of what their town looked like. It was the moment they comprehended that no one was coming to get them, and that it wasn’t their home.

Not for the first time, Allie longs for her old friends. She wishes she could see the happiness on Grizz’s face at the sight of the long road ahead. She doesn’t speak to Grizz now at all. She yearns for Gordie and Bean to see this, to know that there was hope for the Committee on Going Home. That Committee doesn’t even exist anymore.

It isn’t long before Harry pulls over by a nearby café. It’s small and discreet, and she’s wondering how he knew to go here before he answers for her. “My dad used to come here with me sometimes when I was younger. I didn’t get why he would drive so far. He said it had the ‘best damn coffee in the world’ every time I would ask,” he remembers. Allie hurts for the way she talks about him. Harry had lost someone close to him before all of them in New Ham had. Not even six months after his death and he had to adjust to losing more people.

Maybe that’s why he acted the way he did back in New Ham, she thinks. Harry clung to his house, and everything he knew, and hated the idea that they had to share because it meant he had no control. Harry needed control, or else he didn’t know what to do.

“Now I think he came here because he needed an escape.”

“From what?” Allie questions.

He doesn’t have to answer, and by the way he turns suddenly quiet Allie doesn’t think he will. It’s private, and just because they’re the last two people who truly know each other doesn’t mean he’s comfortable sharing everything.

They’re both yet to actually get out of the car, but Harry seems to find the words he was looking for. “My mom… I, um, found out with Kelly back in New Ham that she’d moved on… with Kelly’s dad. At first I thought I was mad because of what it might have meant for me and Kelly, you know, but really I… can’t help but think maybe she didn’t love him as much as I thought. Maybe they didn’t have the perfect relationship I thought they had this whole time.”

It makes sense now. His hostility towards his mom and why being back in his house, which is a constant reminder of his dad, doesn’t make him feel better. Much like her, Harry doesn’t have anyone to talk to about this.

She reaches for his hand and squeezes it. _I’m here_ , she wants him to know. _Thank you for telling me_.

Harry looks at her then, and really looks at her. It’s almost scary.  She’s not Cassandra’s shadow in this moment. She isn’t Allie Pressman, leader of New Ham, who maintains a façade as best as she can to pretend she knows what she’s doing so everyone can count on her either. Harry is the first person to see her for who she is, and she isn’t sure of the implications of it all.

Does he pity her? The girl forced to lead, who had to deal with her sister’s death and sentence the murderer, who was responsible for a town of teenagers that were scared and wanted to go home? Maybe he still feels guilt for his words about Cassandra and doesn’t actually care about her, but feels like he should out of moral obligation.

After all, it’s why Allie became leader to begin with. She was told she was the only one who could because she had the town’s sympathy. She always wondered if they were wrong about it – whether there was someone else better suited for the job than her.

Maybe Harry thinks the same of himself, which is that Allie is here out of pity. She’s seen him at his weakest, and it’s clear to her that being back in their home is still taking its toll on him in the same way. It isn’t true, of course, because deep down Allie does care for him. She cares for everyone, it’s something she had to come to terms with as a leader and understand how to deal with that weight, but Harry has always been special in a way to her she doesn’t understand.

She can’t tell what Harry actually thinks. All Allie knows is that he is the only person she can confide in right now, so tries her best to comfort him. “Maybe your Dad showed this place to you so you could have your own place to escape.”

It’s a nice thought, she thinks, and from Harry’s small smile she believes he thinks so too. “It’s our place now,” he says, and it makes her heart flutter in a way she doesn’t expect, “so come on, what can I get you?”

Allie Pressman doesn’t miss any chance she gets to tease Harry. It’s a fact. “Harry, if you knew me at all, you would know the answer to that. I’ll have a tea. Always tea.”

“Of course, your Highness.”

 

It’s silly, but as Allie sits in a table near the corner secluded from others, which she also finds telling of who she is now, she looks back at Harry waiting in the queue and feels content for once. She always wondered back in their town if there was another version of their world where they were friends, and this one feels like it is, albeit under circumstances no one else understands. The knowledge makes her smile not for the first time today in Harry’s company, and she takes a moment to be grateful that he’s here.

Her happiness is quickly interrupted by the sound of a text message chiming. Allie unlocks her phone to see Will’s name on her screen.

 **Will:** why aren’t you here??

That’s all the message reads. She’s compelled to ask where the rest of his message is – him asking her if she’s okay, that he misses her at school. Maybe she’s reading into it, but she doesn’t know anymore. She doesn’t know this Will and feels out of place every time they speak.

“What’s that face for?” Harry gestures, as he places their drinks down. Allie just turns the screen round so he can see, already feeling exhausted before trying to think of a response for Will.

“What’s with the double question mark? Can’t go anywhere without you knowing?” he says distastefully, rolling his eyes, “I never got what you all see him.”

“Hey, he’s still my…” Allie finds that she doesn’t know how to finish that sentence. Is he her best friend? She can’t even be alone with him for long right now because she doesn’t know what to say. It only registers with Allie now that even in their other version of this world, their relationship had changed. Will had pressured her into making decisions like killing Dewey and she doesn’t think he understood the weight of her role. Maybe that’s why seeing him with Kelly didn’t hurt like it once did. “You have no reason to hate him,” she settles on, looking at Harry pointedly.

Harry doesn’t seem to take it seriously, and just laughs, which should annoy her but it doesn’t. Instead, Allie texts back something simple too.

 **Allie:** needed time off. See u soon.

She wants to think that she can mend their relationship. It’s just difficult now, and she needs to figure out everything first. She still knows him as the kind boy who she would do movie marathons with. The guy who she made dances up with so they could perform them during a slow dance and annoy everyone around them. He is someone she doesn't want to let go of, and so she will fix it. She now has the opportunity, in a world where they don't need to discuss such dark matters. The possibility makes her question something she hadn’t thought before. “Do you think… this is like a second chance? To do better?”

Harry takes her words seriously and really thinks about it. “Maybe,” he says earnestly, “but why do you think you need a second chance?”

There's a lot of things she likes to think she could do better, but there's one glaringly obvious action. She’s silent, not understanding why he would even ask that. It's what she thinks everyone in New Ham used to think about when they looked at her. 

“I killed someone, Harry.”

It’s a truth that she knows Harry is aware of already, but it feels like a secret. It’s something she doesn’t say out loud.

It just keeps her awake at night instead.

It’s there when she hugs her mom and dad, glaring at her in the face that their daughter was capable of doing that.

Harry looks around at the already empty café, as if he’s worried someone will hear her. Allie can’t be charged for a crime that technically didn’t exist. Not in this world. “Allie, you didn’t have a choice.”

He says the words so softly, as if she is about to break down right now, and she feels that way. Allie has had enough of crying, and instead the words set a fire inside of her that has been burning for months. “Yes, I did. I didn’t have to kill him. We had prisons! There was always a different option!” She’s trying her hardest not to yell, but she’s thought over this one decision for so long. “Am I not the same as him by killing him? You wished someone dead, Harry, but you would never go ahead and do it yourself.”

“You were given the impossible task of deciding how to avenge your sister’s death, something no one should ever be given,” he stresses every word, and Allie feels like she’s back in that time. She’s just killed Dewey and feels the blood on her hands and the weight of the gun as it fires. “Everyone was safer for it. You carry that burden yourself. It obviously still affects you now, which shows that you aren’t the same as someone who killed an innocent woman out of hatred.”

Allie feels that tug again – she wants to run from this. It’s too much to think about and relive again and she doesn’t want it. Harry’s the one this time who reaches out for her hand, and it grounds her more than she thought it would. She remembers to breathe, to listen to what he’s saying.

Everyone was safer for it.

He spread a vile, misogynistic mindset that needed to be destroyed or it could’ve caused more damage.

The result of what she’d done still didn’t sit with her. She didn’t think it ever would, now that she knew what she was capable of, but maybe that was the point of this, to remember who she was so she could change for the better.

Harry instead asks her the question that had started this conversation, “what do you think you could do better?” It’s something that causes her to draw at a blank. It’s ironic – she might be here for a second chance, but she doesn’t know what to do with it.

“Maybe I’m supposed to figure it out as I go.”

“I like that idea,” he agrees, and Allie finds some comfort in that. “I know there’s a lot of things I want to make up for.”

“Like what?” she whispers, because she again finds all of this so secretive. It’s something between the two of them, not anyone else.

He’s quiet again, and Allie notices that this is something Harry does. He lets himself really think before answering big questions, and she appreciates it. It’s more than she would ever get from someone in the Guard who would merely reply to tell her that whatever she suggested sounded good. “They’re my mistakes. It’s up to me how I address them.”

Another thing she really takes account of is that Harry has matured a lot in the past six months. She supposes they all have – a side effect of being forced into a world where you can only fend for yourselves.

She wonders if he’s referring to Cassandra, and doesn’t know how to comfort him the same way he did for her. His words had consequences for Allie too. She knows he feels deep remorse for what he said, that the ‘locker room’ talk and death wish for Cassandra was an extreme wake up call for someone like Harry who could usually get away with such behaviour. She wants to think he has learned from it all. She thinks he has by the way it plays on his mind so often.

She takes a sip of her tea, and looks at him with a glint in her eyes. “What are you gonna do, take Cassandra to prom?”

It’s a funny thought at first. Sworn rivals together. The thought of Harry having to talk to Cassandra rather than argue with her and actually ask her to go, and the thought of Cassandra’s shock if he showed up to their house asking almost makes Allie laugh now.

It’s taken from her though when she remembers what prom means to both of them.

“Are you going… to prom?” she asks, slowly, like she’s trying to carefully to not break. It’s just a stupid school event where her sister and friends should celebrate their time there and say goodbye one last time but Allie has never hated anything more. The talk of it in classrooms combined with her parents bringing it up at home makes her feel suffocated and she doesn’t know how she’s going to get through the actual night.

“I am,” he confirms, and Allie can’t think of a single reason why he would want to go. “I’ll be looking out for her. It’s the only reason I’m going.”

This is it, this is one way Harry believes he can right his wrongs, she thinks. If he watches out for Cassandra, nothing should happen. It’s a gesture she appreciates despite knowing this isn’t for her, although her unease is still there. “Do you think… anything will happen?”

This time, Harry is quick to reply. “No, I don’t. You saw Emily. She’s fine. That means this world isn’t repeating the other… She’s gonna be okay, Allie.”

It makes sense. Allie takes a minute to repeat it in her head. Emily is alive, so Cassandra will be too.

She can’t help but think she’s trying too hard to convince herself the same way Harry is.

“It’s one night, okay? We’ll get through it.” Harry tells her, and she’s once again appreciative that he’s here.

“Thanks, Harry.” Allie says. “You know, I’m really glad it’s you here with me.”

He ducks his head, and Allie finds his inability to take her compliment endearing. “I’m sure you could have done a lot better.” He argues, and Allie hasn’t let herself think that. She’s been counting her blessing that she has had anyone here with here.

“I think I could have done a lot worse, Harry. I’m sure if it were Jason or Clark here who remembered everything we would’ve gotten nowhere. Seriously, I don’t think they would have figured out that I knew too. Like, ever.”

They both laugh at this, and Harry picks up on the sentimental way she speaks of them. “You miss them?”

It’s a simple question, and yet it’s one that makes Allie feel more emotional than she would have thought. “Yeah, I do. Everyone. Don’t you?”

Harry grimaces, and she thinks he’s about to reply no. He’s stopped however by the sound of his phone ringing. She sees the caller ID before Harry quickly picks it up.

**Campbell.**

“Hey, if you head back to the car I’ll take this. I’ll only be a minute.” He passes her his keys and doesn’t give her room to say no.

Allie wants to scream at him and ask why he’s talking to Campbell of all people. It doesn’t make sense to her and it’s creating a feeling of anxiety that she doesn’t know how to get rid of. They’ve created something between them though, Allie would like to say her and Harry were friends. She doesn’t want to disrupt that, and so she complies and worries by herself.

 

***

 

Their car journey back is a lot quieter than the one there. Allie feels like there’s something she’s missing so obviously and it won’t leave her alone. She feels the urge to stare at him, like that will give her all the answers, and instead leans her head on the window and watches the scene outside.

Harry is different too. Ever since he finished his call with Campbell, he’s fidgety and restlessly tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. It’s frustrating and she doesn’t understand how his behaviour changed so quickly.

Despite the tension in the car, Allie realises as she nears home that she doesn’t want to leave. Going back means that she’s back to pretending that she hasn’t lived an entirely different life to everyone around her and that she’s the same person she was. If Allie thought that leading New Ham was tiring, this is worse. It’s chipping away at her slowly, and she feels like a shell of a person.

She should be grateful though, Allie has to remind herself. She isn’t fighting to survive anymore. She has her family back.

“Allie,” she hears Harry calling her name. They’re parked outside her house and she hadn’t noticed, too busy in her own thoughts.

“Right, sorry.” Allie scrambles. She grabs her bag and opens the door. Allie is about to turn around to say something to Harry but he’s already looking straight and away from her.

It hurts more than she’d care to admit, so she utters a goodbye and heads straight inside without looking back.

 

***

 

Allie has had the longest two days of her life.

Prom is tomorrow night.

She knows, because it’s all she hears. Cassandra, her parents, everyone at school.

She knows because it’s taking away her sleep and eating away at her.

In an attempt to avoid it, Allie has tried to stay home and pretend to be ill. Her parents have always been concerned over Cassandra’s health than hers, and so Allie gets away with it easily. Cassandra finishes school and stays with her after and it makes her feel genuinely sick in a way she doesn’t need to pretend.

 

Today, though, Allie is at school. Because although she knows her fear for Cassandra may be irrational, it still exists, and Allie wants to spend every minute with her.

To make things worse, she hasn’t heard from Harry since she last saw him. Allie has text him and received either no replies or something so small she wonders why he even bothered replying to begin with. The concern for his wellbeing overcame and she did visit, however he wasn’t there.

He hasn’t been there when she really needed someone the most, and it hurts.

It hurts her even more when she’s putting things in her locker, ready to head to the cafeteria to meet her sister and Will, and she sees him talking to Campbell. She doesn’t understand what’s between the two of them. She thinks maybe she doesn’t want to know anymore.

Allie looks away before he sees her staring, and is prepared to leave this claustrophobic hallway, but is stopped when someone slams her locker shut. She’s fed up with any high school drama at this point and it all seems beyond her. Allie turns to deal with whoever is attempting to bug her this time, but is left breathless when Dewey stands there.

“What do we have here?” he asks, smiling in a way that sends shivers down her spine. “Allie Pressman, without her sister?”

His presence is normally unsettling for her. Dewey is a constant reminder of what she’d done, what she was capable of. It usually sends Allie off into such a panic that she can’t see straight.

Now, on the night before prom, Allie is just angry. Her hands are about to start shaking for a different reason other than shock and trauma. “Fuck off, Dewey.”

She wishes that would be enough for him to leave. Of course, she should know teenage boys better. Instead, Dewey finds it hilarious, and his friends that she isn’t sure why he even has appear next to him.

A small number of things scare Allie anymore, and misogynistic teenage boys trying to intimidate her definitely aren’t on that list.

“Oh, so she does talk!” He exclaims in an exaggerated manner. Allie thinks back to a time when a comment like that would make her feel small. Over six months in a world fighting for survival hardens you.

She isn’t an angry person. Right now is a dangerous headspace for Allie though. Her mind is flooded with images of Cassandra. Enjoying her night of freedom, only to be shot by Dewey.  She died alone. In pain.

Allie wishes he could feel what her sister felt that night.

“I can do a lot more than just talk.” Allie says, and she pushes into his personal space with a look of steel in her eyes. She’s fired up now, and she knows the rage might get the best of her.

“Why don’t you show us what you can do then, Allie? Hm? Put yourself to some use, finally?" He answers, looking her body up and down in a way that makes her recoil. The boys seem to enjoy this interaction, and Allie notices how Dewey changes because of it. His eyes glint with a darkness that she understands now.

Dewey is small and scrawny. Not many of them even knew who he was when they found out he was the killer.

It’s why he killed Cassandra by shooting her in the middle of night with no one around. Campbell brought his gun out in the Church with everyone there and aimed it at Cassandra. One of them enjoys people’s fear, and the other one is easily influenced by other people. He uses their hatred as a vessel for himself and thinks he’s doing something right by the world.

It makes her feel ill that such people exist. Allie doesn’t want to look at him, or be anywhere near him. She hates that her sister died for such a disgusting reason, and vows that it won’t happen again.

Allie is ready to walk away, because they aren’t worth her time, but she’s stopped by Harry’s interruption. “Don't talk about her like that.”

She notices the way some of the boys squirm at Harry’s presence. They will willingly attempt to scare girls in hallways, but another male is what stops them. It’s pathetic.

“What’s your deal? You’re now with Pressman?” Dewey spits back.

“I’m not, and that shouldn’t matter. Don’t go around harassing women in hallways. You’re all just as bad," he says, now addressing the other guys in the group, "and if you feel even slightly like you’re doing something wrong, listen to it, because you fucking are. Trust me.”

They all look at each other then, and quieten before walking away. Allie sees the eyes of everyone on her in the hallway and it’s jarring. Before Harry can say anything, she pulls him into a vacant classroom.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“I don’t need you to protect me, Harry. I'm fine.” Allie snaps, and the anger from before is still prominent. She hates how he has ignored her for two days but wants to become her knight in shining armour now. Allie wanted comfort from the demons haunting her, not a group of teenage boys.

“No, I know. I mean, I was half expecting you to punch Dewey in the face,” he says jokingly, but Allie doesn’t find it that funny. She crosses her arms, and she can tell from his expression that he knows he’s messed up with her. “Allie, the thing is I was one of those guys. I wouldn’t… have ever acted on it, but I took part in that conversation about Cassandra by the pool. I shouldn’t have. I should have shut it down from the second it started. I shouldn’t have even been friends with them. Not that they are my friends, but..”

He’s rambling because he’s nervous, and Allie knows that this is one of the mistakes he was talking about in the café. It’s been weighing on his mind ever since the news of Cassandra’s death, which Allie already knew.

She doesn’t know what he wants her to say though, so she just nods. She wants to be back with her sister now, and away from thoughts of something as heavy as this, so she turns to leave. Harry has been distant with her, so she doesn’t think she owes him anything.

“I can’t stop thinking about it. About Prom.”

It’s a confession that renders her completely still.

A part of her aches to tell him that she hasn’t stopped thinking about it either. She’ll have someone to confide in then. She wanted someone to talk to though two days ago, and he wasn’t there. “Yeah, well how do you think I feel?” she snaps, “I guess you wouldn’t know.”

He has the nerve to look down at his feet, as if he can’t face her, and it somehow angers her even more. “Where have you been, Harry? I needed you.” She demands, but her real emotions get the best of her. “I _needed_ you.”

Harry is already moving to hug her before the first tear can even fall.

Allie still remembers their kiss by the pool, and what came after, but this is another level of intimacy that completely throws her. He holds her tight, and Allie clutches him like a lifeline. “I’m terrified,” she whispers, like fear is something she can’t express too loud. It’s something she thinks her time leading has forced her to learn, because if anyone senses fear they mistake it for weakness. They will overthrow her. They will think she doesn’t know what she’s doing. They will create chaos, and all of it will put the town at risk.

Harry pulls away, and gently wipes a tear that was on her cheek, and Allie really acknowledges the comfort that this brings. It’s so easy to turn cold or remain stoic as a leader.

That’s not who she wants to be.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been… I was scared about it all too. I’m here though now.” He’s vague, and she wants to ask how Campbell falls into this still, but if she’s being honest Allie is scared to do anything that leads to him leaving again. “You can stop with me tonight, if you want.”

It’s a kind gesture, and Allie really considers it. It would be so much easier. She could stay in the comfort of Harry’s presence and try to forget her sister and the trauma that weighs down on her. The thought disappears just as quickly though.

“Thank you,” Allie says, “but… my last moments with Cassandra in New Ham were spent arguing. Afterwards, I would replay it in my head like I was punishing myself.” She tells him, and it’s the most honest she’s ever been with someone about how she dealt with Cassandra’s death. “Maybe the point of this is to do better, or to face my problems? I guess I need to do that by overcoming tomorrow night, and acknowledging family is… everything. Or, maybe this... reversal means nothing and we did just get lucky and she will be fine… but I still want to be there by my sister’s side. Just in case.”

Harry nods, and she knows he understands her. He gets how difficult it is for her to do this, to relive the worst night of her life. The only person she could count on, ripped away from her, suddenly and violently.

Allie can only run away from it from so long. This is the only way she will reduce the weight on her shoulders.

This time, she knows she has someone who will shoulder it too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy this ~drama filled chapter. if you have any questions at all i am on tumblr now : alliepressmans. comments and kudos are always very much appreciated!

Allie has learnt over the past week that you can run from conversations. You can make excuses, you can pretend, you can hide by changing the subject. She’s a master at it by this point.

What she learns that she can’t ever run from, though, is trauma. It has a grasp that no one could remove.

The most she can do is face it head on. It’s what she’s doing at this exact moment, entertaining her sister’s whims as she finishes up for prom. She wishes she could run away from this, to pretend that there was no other world where her sister had been murdered the same very night as this one. She can’t.

Harry has been texting her constantly though. She doesn’t know if it’s for her benefit or for his, but it helps. It’s mostly silly messages that make her laugh, and she’s grateful for the distraction.

 **Harry:** my little sister keeps laughing at me

           she says my hair looks ridiculous

 **Allie:** maybe she’s right

 **Harry:** don’t take her side, pressman

           that’s cold

 “How do I look?” Cassandra interrupts. She’s finished and ready now, and she gives a twirl to allow for Allie’s approval. She’s wearing the same dress she did last time, has the same hairstyle and her makeup is similar. It causes a lump to form in Allie’s throat, and she feels the familiar sting of tears.

She hides her emotion by teasing her sister instead. “Terrible,” she replies, with a hint of a smile so Cassandra knows easily she’s joking.  Cassandra laughs at that, and Allie’s heart warms.

The thing is, Cassandra is happier this time. She isn’t concerned about leading a group of teenagers in a world of uncharted territory. She’s really here to enjoy prom, rather than use it as a façade for the residents of New Ham to feel a semblance of normalcy.

Allie focuses on this instead. Cassandra is less troubled, lighter. That’s something that detriments those other memories and she reminds herself of Harry’s words that this world isn’t simply repeating the other. She’ll be okay.

The night itself though is a second chance. Allie can tell Cassandra things she didn’t back then. She was always kept awake at night thinking of things she hadn’t told her sister. She’d always beat herself up for not appreciating what she had when she was right in front of her. “You look beautiful,” she starts with. “I’m proud of you.”

“For what?” Cassandra asks, smiling. She comes to sit next to Allie on her bed, and Allie reaches for her hand and squeezes it.

“For everything,” she answers, and means it. Everything Cassandra does she succeeds with ease. That would apply to any world, something Allie is sure of.

“Thanks, Allie,” she says, and Allie places her head on Cassandra’s shoulders. It reminds her of the original night of her play, where they spoke about Cassandra going to college. Allie hasn’t thought about what this means in this world since.

One step at a time she decides.

“Are you sure I can’t convince you to come with me?” her sister questions, although she’s sure she knows of the answer. Allie can’t go in there, knows it will be too much for her to handle. Harry has taken upon that job.

Allie has her own plan for the night. “Not feeling too good.” Allie lies, and she knows she should have planned a better excuse. She’s said this almost every time to get out of situations, and Cassandra clearly knows she’s lying.

“You know… you can tell me anything, right?” Allie just nods in response, already knowing she can’t tell Cassandra the truth. How do you even start? Would she take her seriously? Would it only worsen her concerns? “If something is bothering you, you don’t have to keep it to yourself.”

Allie’s phone flashes with an alert for a message then, resting on her lap.

 **Harry:** you’re leaving me on read? i’m hurt

It makes her smile temporarily, until she registers Cassandra’s quick glance at her phone. She’d asked Allie earlier who was texting her that was making her laugh so much, and Allie had pretended she was looking at things online. Now, it had come back to laugh in her face. “Harry? As in… Harry Bingham?”

Allie almost groans because _of course_ , this would happen. It would be just her luck that Cassandra would find out now, on the worst night she had to relive. She can’t even think of an excuse, and stumbles on her words. “I, um-“

“You know, I heard something the other day. That someone called Dewey had been picking on you at school whilst I wasn’t there, and Harry had come to your defence.” Allie knows exactly what she’s talking about, and she hates how people can’t seem to mind their business. Of all things she had on her mind, school gossip was the last thing Allie was concerned with. It seems she’d messed up with that. “I dismissed it at the time, thought that it was nothing, it had to be. You would tell me.”

Allie sighs. “I didn’t think that was worth repeating?” It’s more of a question, than an answer to what Cassandra really wants to know. Her sister gives her a look, and Allie knows she isn’t getting out of this one.

“Why was Harry defending you?” Cassandra only knows Harry as her long-time rival. They both hated each other and would criticise one another’s every move tirelessly. Allie understands her confusion – Harry isn’t the type of person you would expect to help Allie out against Dewey. Not that she needed the help, she wishes she could remind every person who had clearly be on looking. “Are you guys…”

“No.” Allie finishes before Cassandra’s line of thought goes anywhere else. “We’re… I don’t know? Friends? Yeah, we’re friends.“ Allie struggles to think of any reason it makes sense for her and Harry to be friends in this world.  “I was upset over Will and Kelly as was he…. He’s been helping me get through it.” It seems like the most valid excuse right now. It’s ironic almost, because that was the reason she and Harry had connected in New Ham. Allie played fugitive with him to distract her from her heartbreak.

“He’s not, taking advantage of you being upset is he? Do I need to talk to him?”

Allie is suddenly defensive of Harry, and has to remind herself that her sister only sees him as the selfish, privileged guy who often acts out. “No! He’s different when you get to know him, Cassandra. I promise.”

They’re both quiet for a few minutes, and Allie hates how anxious she is for Cassandra to say something. She doesn’t want to argue or to upset her sister, not tonight.

“Well, if he is defending you against this Dewey guy, I guess he does seem to care about you some way or another. I don’t really understand, but I trust you. Just… be careful, please?”  Allie lets out a sigh of relief, and nods quickly.

Their parents yell from downstairs, likely wanting to take pictures before her sister leaves and Allie wants to thank them for their timing. Cassandra gets up, ready to head down before turning back to face her. “I better not be competing with Harry for your attention too, you know?” she teasingly remarks.

“Never,” Allie says, and she feels her heart rate speed up a little as the weight of what’s about to happen sinks in once again. “I love you, Cassandra.”

“I love you too.”

She watches her sister go, and wishes she didn’t have to.

 

***

 

Allie is lying in her bed, listening to music at the highest volume in an attempt to drown out everything else. She needs time to pass a little quicker.

Her phone buzzes with another message and Allie is surprised because Harry should be going to prom right now like the rest of them.

 **Harry:** jesus allie can you come outside?? I’m by your window I’ve been saying your name for about 5 minutes what are you doing??

She rushes over to her window out of confusion and amusement and does in fact see Harry standing outside trying not to be seen. He’s looking at her, eyebrows raised, and the unusualness of the situation almost makes Allie laugh.

She heads downstairs to meet him, and can’t help but take note of how handsome he looks in his suit and tie. Allie also remembers thinking the same thing that night in New Ham, and how she wanted to take his hand and go somewhere else, but she hadn’t wanted to complicate things.

“You know you could have just knocked, right?” Allie asks, to which Harry glares back at her.

“Oh, really? You wanted to deal with all those questions as to why I’m here from your parents?”

“And you thought yelling my name from my window was going to help you? Were you going to throw pebbles too, Romeo?”

He groans, and runs a hand through his hair. “Are we really doing this right now?”

The humour of the situation sinks and Allie is reminded of the gravity of it all. For this reason, she snaps at Harry. “Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be at prom?”

Allie could see he had cleaned up for the event likely for appearances, but she can tell the other signs that Harry has been struggling. His hair looks like it has been messed with several times, likely out of nervousness. His eyes still look sunken, and she worries he hasn’t been sleeping much. Her concern is intensified when she sees his hands are shaking so slightly, but he stops when she sees him looking.

“Harry, I can go, you know. You don’t have to.” She doesn’t want to know, and he knows that already. She would go if it meant someone was looking out for Cassandra inside. She would go if it meant Harry’s wellbeing was better than her own.

“No, no, it’s fine. I was on my way, but I just wanted to see you first,” he states, and Allie looks up at him softly. “Are you okay?”

She has spent all day concerned for her sister that someone worrying about her throws her. She’s appreciated by the gesture that he stopped to see her first in person, especially because she knew he was just as scared as she was. This night meant different things for both of them and it changed the two of them more than anyone else.

“Not really, but… thank you. For all of this, I mean.” He nods, and she knows he’s aware that she’s referring to more than just visiting her now. She’s thankful that he’s looking out for Cassandra, thankful that he’s there for her now. “You clean up nice, by the way,” she adds for good measure, because he looks stressed, and Allie wants to relieve some of his tension.

He ducks his head, smiling, and Allie knows it worked. “So do you, obviously,” he gestures to her current attire that exists of a West Ham sweatshirt and old jeans whilst her hair remains a mess of curls. They both laugh, and it’s nice to have a moment like this before everything else.

Harry frowns, looking into the distance like he can hear prom from where they are. “I should get going,” he tells her, and Allie silently nods. “Are you sure you’re alright staying here?”

That’s what Allie had told everyone she was doing. She was going to stay in her room, watch a movie and fall asleep. Harry hadn’t believed her, and she had told him that she wanted to be with her parents just in case something did happen. That seemed to have worked.

“Yeah,” she lies, and feels the guilt of it too. She feels like that’s all she does now – lie. Allie draws Harry in for a hug to mask the emotion she knows is threatening to come through. “Be safe.”

“Hey, I’ll still be bugging you the whole time through texts. Don’t worry.”

She half smiles, and lets him go the same way she did with Cassandra. It hurts just the same.

 

***

 

Allie waits a little longer after everyone should be at prom before heading there herself. She arrives to the sound of loud music and lingers around the back.

When she sees how empty it is, Allie finds where it was her sister was shot. She remembers Gordie trying to section it off at the time. Allie lies down there again, pretending that if she stayed here her sister would be safe. Her eyes drift to the stars in the sky and Allie hopes that this time she would be taken instead of her sister. It’s what she’d always wanted. To take her sister’s pain.

She glances at her phone to see multiple messages from Harry telling her it was all going fine. He said that their prom looked way better, and she knows it was meant light-heartedly, but it still makes her heart ache.

Allie welcomes the cold and the few rain drops that fall. She lets it numb her. She’s content in this moment, completely alone. Allie doesn’t know how long passes before she’s shocked by the sound of the back door opening.

Dewey.

This is the part of the plan that she didn’t want anyone to know. She especially didn’t want Harry to find out because she knew he wouldn’t let her go through with it.

“What did you want, Allie? Why are you even here?” Dewey interrogates her viciously. She had messaged him from outside, knowing that he would go to her. Despite the group of guys who he sometimes finds himself with, Dewey does not have friends. He would hate it in there– prom was a reminder that he was actually bitterly alone, and that high school somehow had failed him, rather than his own beliefs and attitudes.

It’s at this moment she registers that he’s already angry.

That was what she had been scared of.

Had he killed Cassandra because of Harry’s words? Allie was sure, as they all had been, that it was the deciding factor. That conversation by the pool influenced him to think he was doing Harry some kind of service, and was the reason he went through with what he did.

For someone to murder an innocent woman though – that required them to be hateful and resentful in a way that only looked for Harry’s words so they could fall behind them as an excuse.

“Enjoying prom, Dewey?” She avoids his questioning. She even avoids his gaze. Allie continues to lie on the ground, where Cassandra was killed, imagining her fate right now.

“Is that all you asked me to come out here for? To taunt me?”

Allie doesn’t know the real answer to that. She knows that she wanted him away from Cassandra, from everyone else who could fall victim to him.

Is she here to stop him? Or is she here to let him kill her instead?

Allie decides to stand up now, to face him like Cassandra did when she registered who it was that killed her. She briefly wonders if there’s a weird version of this where that Cassandra can see her now.

“You know, Dewey, I never saw you before,” she starts, almost like she is telling a story to him, “You were just some kid who sat in the back of the classroom. No one knows who you are.”

“Funny coming from you,” he spits back, and she doesn’t feel anything in regards to his intended way of hurting her.

“I see you now though. You’re weak. You’re pathetic.” She knows it’s making him angrier. She watches his face harden and his thumb press into his fingers. “You think you can take from the world because it took from you. I don’t know what messed up thing happened to you as a child, but it will never justify anything you do.”

“Shut up! I’m sick of hearing women tell me what they think they know about me. Shut up, or-"

“Or what?” Allie steps closer to him dangerously. She doesn’t know what she’s doing, what her plan is. She hadn’t thought this far ahead, was only acting on everything. “What are you going to do, Dewey? Shoot me?”

"I'll fucking kill you."

The back door opens again, but Allie and Dewey don’t dare stop looking at each other. The hatred in both of their eyes is mirrored. 

“What are you doing?” she hears someone cry. “Allie!”

_Grizz._

He isn’t supposed to be out here, and this is part of it all that for the first time genuinely worries her. She doesn’t want Grizz to get hurt, even if this version of him she doesn’t really know. She doesn’t anyone to get hurt.

“You’re not part of this, Grizz. Go back inside.” Allie coldly commands him, and she hopes he listens like the Guard used to listen to her. He doesn’t.

“I know how this ends. Please… stop.”

His words take a minute before registering and Allie moves her gaze to Grizz. _I know how this ends._ Does he remember too? Her eyes glisten and Allie allows the hope to stop the numbness in her chest.

Dewey takes advantage of Allie’s momentary diversion, and runs off towards where the cars are parked. Allie is ready to chase him, but Grizz grabs her arm to stop her. “What are you doing?” he yells.

“I can’t let him hurt anyone else,” Allie pleads, and Grizz’s sudden sad demeanour confirms what she had guessed. He knew. Everything. “I can’t let him hurt Cassandra.”

“Allie-“

“Make sure she’s safe.” She finishes, then runs in the same direction Dewey took off.

 

When Allie finds Dewey, he’s in his car, searching furiously. She stands a few metres away, watching him and trying to make sense of what he’s doing.

He throws everything out of his glove compartment. He searches behind the seats.

It only hits her then what he’s looking for.

His gun.

That’s where he had kept it. She remembers ordering the Guard to check everyone’s houses to confiscate them. Helena had told her that it wouldn’t work effectively. She had been right.

“Dewey, it doesn’t have to be like this,” she tries to say in an effort to calm him. He doesn’t seem to hear her. The rage within him has festered to a point beyond listening. Allie knows she should probably run, or attempt to save herself, but she’s paralysed to her spot when Dewey finds what he was looking for.

Allie hasn’t really thought about death. She had imagined herself in her sister’s position and even begged to take her place. Death was one thing that had never confronted her in the face though. Instead, it taunted her with other people she knew. Cassandra. Emily. She knew the destruction it caused.

She hoped for her families sake that they would be okay with this. It was Allie this time, and not Cassandra. She would sacrifice herself every time if it meant she would be okay.

He brings the weapon up and points it at her and Allie knows this is the end. She will die the same way her sister did. Shot by the same person on the same night. It’s almost poetic really, and Allie wonders if this is proof that her theory was correct – they get a second chance. Allie had another chance to save her sister. Harry’s words weren’t the one who caused the death this time.

There’s some peace in that, she hopes.

“Allie!” She hears distantly and knows the desperation in their voice belongs to Harry. “Allie!”

His voice is the part of this that hurts her the most. It makes her not want to go. She doesn’t wish him to go through something like this again, and she hopes he doesn’t take it as hard as Cassandra’s death.

Harry’s voice clearly affects Dewey the same way, and his hand that holds the gun shakes more than she thinks it did when he shot Cassandra. He was entirely alone then with one purpose and no one to stop him.

Nothing is still powerful enough to stop him, and Allie understands this as the sound of the gun firing deafens her ears, and she feels an immense burning pain in her shoulder. She stumbles back, looking down to see blood, before hitting the ground.

The last thing she hears in the midst of her shock is her name.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uploading today in celebration of SEASON 2 CONFIRMATION!!!! the best news!!!  
> so, this one is a little calmer than last chapter haha. i will be delving into harry's struggles more verrrry soon though, just a warning in case that is something that may be triggering. also let me just say - i don't know the first thing about bullet wounds, so maybe extend your belief about some things and i will make up for it in hallie content? deal? i hope you enjoy, comments and kudos are always appreciated!

Harry had been on edge all night.

The itching desire to take one of the pills Campbell had given him was burning, but he had decided he couldn’t – not when Cassandra’s life had been on the line, not when Allie had been counting on him. It was more difficult back here in their world. There were more people who could see him.

Instead, he text something meaningless to Allie. Their banter was fun at first, but she quickly stopped responding as the long hours of prom drew on. He thought maybe she had needed space and so he ignored his own desire to ask her how she was.

It was a rash decision to visit her before he left. Not taking any pills, losing all sleep and the nervousness of the night ahead had made him feel physically sick.

Allie brought the calm. She was one of the only people in this world who actually saw him. She didn’t pretend to love him because of his reputation and his money. She didn’t disregard his struggles either, despite everything between them. He could be himself around her.

Seeing her outside reminded him of what he had to do. He owed this to Allie. He wanted for her to not hurt the same way she had the first time.

Harry had been there in the Church as she broke down whilst giving Cassandra’s eulogy. It was a memory that stung all of them in New Ham. The utter devastation rippled through all.

It couldn’t be repeated.

Harry had been sat by himself the entire time, keeping an eye on Cassandra whilst watching the students around him enjoy themselves. He felt empty, observing them. They were there making memories and celebrating with each other. It made him feel even more alone than he already did.

Then Grizz came inside looking frightened and his heart dropped to his stomach.

Harry was likely the only person there on alert. The rest were there for the purpose intended. It’s why he rushed over to Grizz, someone Harry hardly has spoken to, and steadied him as he ran inside. He hated the way his heartrate sped up, and he quickly glanced at Cassandra.

She had been fine, dancing with Gordie.

He scanned the room and hadn’t found anything wrong either.

It hadn’t stopped the unsettled feeling.

Before he had been able to ask what was wrong, Grizz rushed out his words. “The parking lot. It’s Allie. Dewey’s out there and oh my god, it doesn’t look good. Oh my god. We need to get help,”

_Allie._

Harry had wondered before what he would be like in moments like these. Would he freeze up, and be unable to move or help? Would he spring into action, and do whatever he could?

He had his answer when he raced outside of the exit of prom, desperately running to the parking lot as fast he possibly could. He shouted Allie’s name and surprised himself when he could speak whilst his heart felt like it was in his throat. He had tried to not think about why Allie was there, why Dewey is anywhere near her.

He vaguely remembered hearing the commotion behind him as Grizz had alerted others. Everything was drowned out by the sight of Dewey holding a gun at Allie.

Harry continued yelling her name at the time like it would save her somehow. His voice broke when the shot fires, an echo of his heart torn into two.

Dewey ran away before Harry reached them. He fell to his knees and his hands shook as he looked at Allie.

“Allie. Allie, please,” he sobbed, cradling her head with his hands, “you’re gonna be okay. It’s okay.”

He hadn’t let her go even as Cassandra had dropped to the ground where she laid in shock and devastation, just as harshly as Allie had fallen. He hadn’t let her go until the ambulance had arrived.

All he saw was _red._ The rage at Dewey. Allie getting hurt. The blood staining her jumper.

Not even his nightmares had ever taken a turn this dark.

 

***

 

When Allie wakes up everything is foggy. There’s a bright light above her that stings. She raises her arm to cover her eyes, but looks down to see the wires of the IV attached to her.

She looks around in her confusion and sees Cassandra next to her, asleep on the seat.

The realisation that she’s in a hospital bed hits her the same time as the stinging pain in her shoulder does.

She moves to sit up and accidentally groans when it hurts, and Cassandra is up instantly.

“You’re awake,” she says tearfully. Allie doesn’t think she’s ever seen her sister look so distraught. It hurts her just as much as her shoulder does. “Are you okay? Does it hurt? Shall I get someone?”

Allie blinks in response as her mind tries to process her question. Does it hurt?

 “Oh my god,” Allie begins freaking out. Her voice comes out rougher than expected. “Dewey-“

“I know. He’s been arrested. They found him not far away, breaking down,” her sister explains, and Allie feels some of her own worry slightly fade. He can’t hurt anyone else now. “Y-you were hurt badly. They said that luckily the bullet had missed anything important.”

Allie can only nod, feeling too overwhelmed right now. She had been _shot_. She didn’t quite know how to process that.

Her sister clearly felt the same. She had been choking on her own words and had been wiping her own tears. “I thought you were dead, Allie. When I found you, I…”

It’s strange. Allie has been in Cassandra’s position, on the other side of this hospital bed. She has seen her sister in pain, and wished she could change places so she could take her hurt. It’s only now she understands that seeing Cassandra so upset and worried about her that she sees how both sides are messy.

“I’m here, Cass,” Allie comforts her. Cassandra is fearless and brave and strong – Allie isn’t used to seeing her like this in any way. She moves a strand of Allie’s hair behind her ears gently, as if she will break. “Don’t think I’m going anywhere any time soon.”

“I knew that Dewey had been talking to you in the hallway that day. I’m so sorry. I should have done something. I don’t know why I didn’t. I should have stayed at home with you like you had wanted.”

Allie thinks back to how she always blamed herself for not staying with Cassandra that night at prom to clean up with her. Hearing Cassandra’s words in a way helped her acknowledge that there’s no point in blaming yourself for what you can’t control. All that does is cause more damage to your mind.

“Don’t do that. It’s not worth it.” she interrupts her before Cassandra can continue thinking like that, “I’m just happy you’re safe.” Allie mumbles.

“You got shot, and you’re glad I’m okay?” Cassandra asks, bewildered. She doesn’t understand, and Allie is glad she doesn’t. Her sister won’t bleed to death, alone, and in pain. She survived, and now Allie feels like she can finally let that weight from her shoulders.

“You are so brave, Allie. I hope you know that.” Her sister comments, and it makes Allie want to cry. She’d longed to hear Cassandra comforting her through all those dark days in New Ham. She hoped that she was doing right by her the whole time. She had stuck to her rules and she had asked herself 'what would Cassandra do?' in so many moments.

“Mom and dad are just in the cafeteria grabbing food. I can go get them?” Cassandra asks her, and Allie wants to say yes because she knows her parents would be worried sick and she wants to put an end to that. She’s just _so_ tired though. Cassandra seems to sense this, and Allie is beyond grateful for that. “Hey, get some sleep first. We’ll all be here when you wake up.”

She’s asleep within seconds.

 

 

Allie listens to the nurse explain everything to her and her parents distantly. She needs a lot of rest is what she makes out most.

Her parents were crying the first time Allie woke up to see their faces, and it’s the first time she really feels guilty. She let them cradle her and obsess over her every need and nearly break down in front of her and all the while she just wants to say _I’m sorry, I'm so sorry._

Her plan hadn’t always been to sacrifice herself. It was an impulsive action. She hadn’t wanted anyone else to get hurt. It was a plan that worked, and she thinks she’d do it again if it meant everyone else were safe, but the distress of her family she hadn’t once considered the extent of. The thought of Cassandra seeing her body on the ground and her parents receiving the call that she was in hospital makes her feel physically ill.

The second time she does wake up, however, Allie is less disorientated. She notices Cassandra in her jeans and an old tshirt, which means she would have had to change. “How long was I out for?” she questions.

Her parents share a look, but it’s her mom who answers. “A while. Your body needed to recover after the surgery. You lost a lot of blood.”

“How is everyone else? Are they okay?” Allie pushes.

“Will has been texting all the time for updates. He’s visited a few times,” Cassandra says. Will lives further out of town than the rest of them and works a part time job for extra money, so it touches her heart that he had done so, especially with things so weird between the two of them. “Sam has been here a lot, with Grizz, by the way. I didn’t know you two were friends.”

 _Grizz_. She had almost forgotten during all of this that he had revealed to her that night that he knew everything. He had remembered New Ham. It’s why he had tried even harder to stop her from chasing Dewey, because he knew what he was capable of.

She needs to have a conversation with him.

“Don’t forget about that boy in the hallway,” her mom interrupts and Allie turns to face her. She has a smile on her face that Allie doesn’t quite understand.

She knows who she is talking about though. Allie had wondered throughout all of this if Harry was okay. He was the one who first found her when it happened, and she doesn’t want to think about the added trauma that will cause him. She saw him self destruct after Cassandra’s death, and she wanted him to know she was doing okay.

“Harry,” she states because there is no question about it, “is he here?”

Her mom actually laughs at that. “Try getting him to leave, sweetheart.”

“Can I see him?” It’s a simple request, but she can’t help but feel vulnerable asking it. She knows that Cassandra likely still doesn’t understand, but she doesn’t comment on it. They instead all leave the room with her mom promising to get him.

She doesn’t have to wait long. Harry is quick to walk in, but stops suddenly when he sees her. He painstakingly looks her over, assessing the damage. She hopes it’s better than he thought at least.

“You look awful.” She says, in a way to break the tension. It’s meant to be a joke, but there’s truth to it. She thinks this is the worst she’s ever seen him – he doesn’t look like he’s slept at all.

Harry doesn’t laugh, and instead moves to sit in the seat next to her. “Are you okay?” He sounds like he hasn’t used his voice in days either. This is what she hates about all of this the most. The pain is there despite the aid from the hospital, and she dislikes being stuck in this bed, but witnessing the aftermath from her family and friends is a different level of hurt.

“I will be,” Allie instead tells him, because she won’t lie to him. It still burns where she was shot, and there’s a part of her that’s still in shock. “I was lucky.”

She watches Harry gulp nervously and redirect his gaze to his fingers. He looks so small in this moment, and it breaks her heart. “I’m so sorry that this happened. I-I ran as fast as I could but-"

She’s reminded back to a time he visited her in her home after Cassandra’s death and Dewey’s sentencing and apologised to her and she told him to get out.

“Hey,” Allie stops him before he can continue blaming himself. “This isn’t your fault. Cassandra was kept safe. That’s because of you too, so thank you.”

That’s the last thing she wanted Harry to ever think. He’d shouldered the burden of Cassandra’s death in New Ham. He didn’t need this on his shoulders too.

He’s still quiet, and Allie knows he has so many questions he wants to ask. She’s been expecting it, from everyone. Everyone tip toes around it though because Allie looks exhausted and has been through a lot, and she’s silently thankful for it but she knows it won’t last.

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” Harry finally voices, and she smiles at him softly. “I just don’t know what I would have done if… if anything had happened to you.”

His words are more intimate than anything they’ve ever said between them before. The guilt in her stirs again because she hadn’t considered Harry’s feelings enough in this. She hadn’t even told him the truth as to why she was there.

“I’m sorry that I lied,” Allie confesses. It’s the most honest she’s been to anyone yet. Not even Cassandra has asked her why she was there, likely afraid to trigger any reaction. This is Harry though, and in this world they’re supposed to be on the same side.

“Grizz told me he saw you and Dewey. He said later that he had looked… murderous.” Allie flinches at this. The adrenaline from that night has faded, and now she hates to admit that thinking back fills her with fear. “He also said that you were just standing right in front of him. You didn’t look concerned or scared or anything.” She hadn’t been. That part of her had shut down. She was only scared for the people around her, her own life forgotten about. “What were you doing there Allie?”

This is the conversation she had been dreading. She had planned in her head that she was to tell everyone else that she had decided last minute to go and see her sister at prom. She had text Dewey because she wanted to settle their issue between them. Things got violent.

It was a lie to everyone else because she can’t truly explain why, but she couldn’t lie to Harry. Not again. “I don’t know. I… I guess I thought maybe if I got him alone he wouldn’t go after anyone else. He wouldn’t go after Cassandra. I just couldn’t sit by and do nothing.”

She watches as he visibly tenses as she tells him this, and she slowly registers that he’s angry. He’s angry in a way she’s never seen before – she’s seen him frustrated with Cassandra, she’s seen him bicker with Will, but she’s never seen Harry like this.

Cassandra and her parents will tiptoe around angering Allie or doing anything that might make her freak out because of the incident. They think that being shot is the most traumatic event she has had to go through, and so she’ll never time to recover.

She does, but they also don’t know that Allie has been through worse.

Harry knows that. It’s why he isn’t afraid to question her impulsiveness.

“So you just thought you’d sacrifice yourself then?” He rephrases, bitterly.

Allie’s caught off guard by this. “No? I mean that wasn’t the plan. I didn’t know what I was going to do honestly.”

“Yeah, because you didn’t think, Allie. You just put yourself in harm’s way and didn’t once consider the consequences.”

Her eyes sting with tears. “I thought that he would hurt someone. It could’ve been Cassandra. It could’ve been _any_ innocent woman who just happened to anger him or one of his boys because that’s who he is. I couldn't live with myself if I just let that happen. Not again.”

He runs a hand down his face, still frustrated. She hates this, hates arguing with him. She wants him to see her point of view and why she did what she did.

“But he hurt you! He almost killed you! How is that any better?”

Harry’s outburst makes her tears fall quicker and her heart feel heavier. He lets out a shaky breath, and Allie can feel the hurt and anger in his voice, but she doesn’t know what to tell him to make it better. “But he didn’t, Harry. I’m alive. He’s been arrested apparently. I’m supposed to be giving a statement later today. He won’t hurt anyone else.” She tries to remind him in hopes that it will calm him down.

“That’s not the point.” He tells her flatly. “You shouldn’t have been put in that situation. I know you think about what you had to do for the good of the town when you killed Dewey, and that it stays with you, but taking a bullet wasn't some fucked up way of redeeming yourself. You didn't need to do that.”

“Well who else was it going to be, Harry? Who should I have let him kill?” Allie snaps back at him. She feels the frustration he does now.

“When it was Cassandra… you said you needed her. We all needed her.” He says, a reminder of the original casualty of prom night. It’s one she’s glad she isn’t reliving right now. “We need you too, Allie. I need you. Your life is just as important as everyone else's you try to save.”

Allie can only stare back at Harry who is looking at her just as intensely. She wipes her tears and redirects her gaze to the hospital ceiling. It’s easier than facing the boy next to her and the truth behind his words. 

Her job as leader of New Ham conditioned her to think that the residents were everything. She had to protect them. It was the mantra she followed to keep herself sane and to stop drifting into her own fear and grief.

Allie kept the Guard by her side because she had been worried that if she were killed, chaos could take over and everyone would die. This world has no need for any of that. She doesn’t know how to fit in a world again where she isn’t fighting for them. 

“I didn’t mean for you to get hurt, Harry.” She lets him know instead.

“I just wish you had told me. We could have gone about it differently. You would be safe.” He replies, but the anger has gone now. He just seems tired, like her.

Allie doesn’t know how to say to him that she could have never have told him. She knew he would get involved, likely not allow her to go through with any of it, and she would never take any chance that would put Harry in any danger. It was her decision only.

“Maybe in the next world.”

He half smiles at her joke, and she takes it as a win. “I think I’ve had enough prom nights for my lifetime.”

Allie laughs, and she marvels at their ability to go from arguing to making each other smile. She reaches for his hand which he takes and squeezes. “I’m just relieved I don’t have to do another mock trial again. This is… real instead.”

“Let the adults take care of it this time. You can finally relax a little, Allie, if you remember how.” The teasing side of Harry might be her most favourite, especially in times like these.

 “I’m not sure I do. Do you?”

He’s quiet again, and she knows he took her joking question seriously. The way he keeps his gaze remained on his fingers rather than her lets her know he’s preparing to say something to her that he's nervous about. She has no idea what. “Allie, I need to tell you something. I should have told you months ago but I-”

Before she can hear anymore, there’s a knock at the door. She sees the faces of Grizz and Sam on the other side, who both come in with shared faced of concerns. Harry withdraws back in on himself, and she makes a mental note to bring up their conversation later.

“They said you were allowed visitors now,” Grizz explains, as if silently asking her permission to see her.

“Yeah. It’s nice to you see both.” She replies.

“Glad to see you’re okay, Allie. You don’t make it easy keeping you safe.” Grizz says, referring to his time in the guard. She expects Sam to be confused but he only adds onto Grizz’s comment, “we were really worried.” Sam signs, and Allie smiles back, but she can’t help but be a little lost seeing the pair together. Allie looks over to Harry, seeing if he felt the same way.

He notices the question on her face. “They both know. They remember New Ham.” Allie looks back at them, shocked. She knew about Grizz, had discovered the very fact right before it all. She hadn’t known about Sam though, and she wonders how they found out.

“We both sorta returned, if that’s what you wanna call it, the morning of prom. I was… confused. On the original night I had gone over to Sam, signed the only word I knew,” She sees her cousin smile at this, and thinks she had missed something during her time as leader back then. “I had tried to start learning more our time there and I, uh, went over to Sam and we both kinda figured it out when I knew more words than 'bullshit', despite never knowing anything before.”

Allie wants to know more because she feels like there is extra to their story, but she’s so wrapped up in trying to decipher what it means. “So, me and Harry returning isn’t a random coincidence then. More of us are here. What do you think it means?”

Grizz and Sam share a look that she, again, doesn’t understand. Their bond goes deeper than she thinks anyone was aware of. She’s curious, but won’t push it.

“Not sure. What do you think we should do?”

It’s jarring, Allie thinks, suddenly being looked at again for answers. She lets herself think of the rational idea. “Stay alert for anyone else. It’s going to be a miracle for some to be back with their families, but… others might not react so well to the lack of freedom again. I’m talking about Campbell.”

Allie looks over at Sam and knows he understands. Campbell will hate being back in their world, unable to start havoc the same way. She sees Harry sink into his seat further.

“Yeah okay, we can do that.” Grizz replies. Allie is grateful to have him back – he was one of the few people who really cared for her well being back in New Ham and had helped her get through the most difficult time in her life.

“I think this is a good thing for us all. Becca can have her baby safely. You have all the medical attention you need. We don’t need to worry about food. We’re okay.” Sam says quietly, and Allie loves his optimism in times like these.

“Yeah. I really hope so.”

This should be the darkest point they will hit from now on. There’s nothing else in this world that could take them by surprise.

It doesn’t help the unsettled feeling that still remains.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good news: i'm back with an update earlier than i expected! i had *way* too much fun with this one. it originally started as SO much fluff (also fun fact - i originally wrote a kiss scene that got cut. all for the Slowburn you guys) but the angst really came through again.  
> bad news: this means my next update will be delayed till some time next week because i have a busy weekend and no time to write so i hope this one can tie you over till then!

“How do you feel?” “Are you okay?” “Do you need anything?”

Allie felt like that was all she was hearing lately. She’d been out of the hospital for a week now. She was taking her pain medication, had agreed to take it easy and rest. She appreciates the care from everyone more than they know, but if she’s being honest…

It’s _exhausting._

Out of her own sense of guilt for making them worry, Allie had spent more time with them than ever. She watched movies with Cassandra every night, she stayed in the house so she was in her parents sight, she invited Will round often and spent hours listening to him talk about his crush like they were 10 year olds again.

She loves all of them and she wouldn’t say it out loud, but she almost misses her own time.

For what feels like the hundredth time, Allie answers with her standard “I’m fine, mom,” and opens her phone to message Harry. They’d been texting constantly, and Allie is grateful for the distraction and laughter he brings.

 **Allie:** if I take a shot every time I get asked if I’m okay I think I’d die from liver damage

 **Harry:** no drinking games for you

She hates how much fun that sounds. Allie wants to go out and party and forget that anything ever happened rather than be reminded of it every minute when someone looks at her in that concerned way. It’s funny really – her freedom to do whatever came back when her role as mayor left, now it’s stripped away yet again.

She almost thinks she’s looking forward to going back to school.

Her mom sits down at the kitchen table opposite of her and hands her a cup of tea. Allie thanks her, and decides to take this moment with them alone to ask what she’s been dying to. “Is it okay if I maybe go out today? I’ll be back early. I wouldn’t go far, and I’d keep my phone on me the whole time.”

She watches the way her mom hesitates, and Allie speaks again before she does. “No, it’s okay. It’s too soon, I get it,” she says gently, because she would hate to worry her again. Her parents hadn’t even known she was going out when she had gone to prom, which would have been because Allie isn’t exactly a young kid anymore, but it’s different now. “It’s my turn to pick for movie night anyway. I can’t let Cassandra take that off me,” Allie opts for instead, smiling at her mother hoping she forgets the conversation.

Allie’s phone buzzes again and she looks down at it.

 **Harry:** my mom and sister have asked about you btw. told me to tell you that they hope you’re okay. don’t take a shot now pls.

“Is that Harry?” her mom questions from across her. Allie just nods in return. “I didn’t know the two of you were so close.”

Allie doesn’t really know how to explain it to her mom, who also knows Harry by extension of Cassandra’s hate. “Oh, um… yeah.”

“What if I say you invite him round for dinner? Is that a fair alternative?” Her mom puts forward, and Allie’s surprised by it. The idea sounds great to her – she hadn’t the chance to see Harry since leaving the hospital and had only been communicating through text. Then she remembers there’s a reason for that.

“Cassandra and Harry do not get on.” Allie reminds her, which she thinks should shut that idea down. It would be too awkward.

“So?” Her mom just pushes, “I want to see this boy that my girl seems so infatuated with. Can form my own opinion then, can’t I?”

Allie’s mouth opens in shock as her mom just smiles knowingly and sips her tea. She feels like some schoolgirl caught in her crush with her cheeks blushing, and she feels so silly. Her relationship with Harry is definitely complicated and means more to her than anyone else here knows, and she struggles to define it herself, but _infatuated_? She remembers when he kissed her softly by the pool and the way he touched her later that night. She thinks about it often, but blames that on her own body craving intimacy like anyone else.

That’s all.

“We’re not…” Allie tries to shut that down, but the words just don’t come out properly.

“Sure, honey.” Her mom tells her, and Allie rolls her eyes. “Tell him to come about 7?” She says, before getting up and leaving the kitchen and not allowing Allie to even say anything back.

Allie opens her message thread with Harry and is going to ask, but finds herself nervous. She doesn’t quite know why. It’s _Harry._ She blames her mom for getting inside her head.

 **Allie:** my mom wants you to come to dinner tonight… 7pm??

She finds herself playing with her fingers waiting for his response. Upon hearing the notification, she quickly picks her phone up.

 **Harry:** sounds great, pressman

If Allie has butterflies in her stomach, she thinks she’s allowed to act like the teenage girl she is for once rather than the town mayor responsible for everyone.

 

 

Naturally, Cassandra doesn’t take it well.

“Harry?” She began, and Allie looked at her mom as if to say ‘I told you so’. “Harry Bingham? Really?”

Allie decides she’ll let her mom fight this battle, and gets her phone out of her pocket to text Harry.

 **Allie:** Cassandra is over the moon excited you’re coming

“Oh, come on,” her mom interrupts, and Allie can’t help but find it funny. In these mundane moments she’s so thankful to be back with her family. She doesn’t know how she managed in this house without them. “I’m sure you can play nice for one dinner.”

“With him around, that’s a struggle,” she protests, “can’t we ask Will round?”

It’s a nice attempt, Allie remarks in her head. She wants to put an end to the idea Cassandra has that they will be together though, because she doesn’t see him like that anymore. He’s her friend, and she’s sure that’s how they will always remain. “He’s probably with Kelly,” she informs her, hoping she will get the hint. “Can’t you just… try to get along, for my sake?”

She really does want them to. Harry and Cassandra have been rivals for as long as she remembers, and it’s honestly tiring. She doesn’t want to have to tiptoe talking about him around her or never being able to be in the same room with them together.

Allie also knows that Harry doesn’t hold the same resentment towards her sister that he once had. Their time in New Ham had erased that because he had never actually wanted her dead, and when it happened she knew he regretted everything between them.

She just hopes her sister can move past it all too.

“For you, Allie, fine.” Cassandra sighs, and Allie takes it as a win. The doorbell rings and she gives one last pointed look at Cassandra before heading to open it.

When she sees Harry on the other side she smiles brightly. He holds a bouquet of flowers in one hand. “Hey… these were for you, but I thought on the way here you would have had enough of them by now with all the ones you got in the hospital.”

She remembers the various flowers and ‘get better soon’ cards floating around her whilst she was recovering and although she’s touched by the gesture, she does agree. “Well, my mom will love them,” she advises teasingly and grabs his arm to pull him inside.

Her mom and sister are both in the kitchen getting things ready as Allie calls them. “Harry,” her mother greets him with a hug that seems to startle him.

“She hugs everyone.” Allie tells him, which her mom laughs out loud at as she pulls away.

“Cassandra,” Harry acknowledges her by nodding in her direction. Allie doesn’t have to be disappointed because her sister replies hi back. It’s small, but it means a lot to her. “For you, Mrs Pressman,” Harry adds, handing her the flowers, and Allie finds it endearing watching him and her mother. “Thank you for having me.”

“Oh, how lovely!” She exclaims, and lets him know she will put them on show for everyone. Allie nudges him arm and calls him a suck up under her breath. “Dinner isn’t quite ready yet I’m afraid.”

Allie takes this as a cue for her and Harry to leave, so she takes hold of his hand as they go to her room. She lies down on her bed and watches as Harry looks around. “Cute,” he remarks finally and Allie scoffs.

“So glad to have your approval.”

He sits down next to her, putting enough distance between them that it is still friendly. “You should be,” he jokes.

“How have you been?” Allie takes the opportunity to ask now she can see him. Over text it’s easy for Harry to shrug it off or change the subject. She wants to know how he’s doing.

“Okay,” he answers quickly, “how have you been, though? And don’t give me the same answer you give everyone else.”

“I’m fine, seriously.” She repeats, again.

He doesn’t believe that though, and squints his eyes at her. “You got shot, Allie.”

Allie can’t help but roll her eyes at his obvious comment. “Yeah, I think I know that, Harry. I was there.”

“Yeah, so was I. So, I’m asking you again.” He prompts, but she doesn’t know what to say still. She isn’t one to mull it all over and continue feeling sorry for herself. She has to get on with it.

“You want to know what I feel? I feel bored. Useless. I should be doing something.”

Harry just frowns at this. She doesn’t think he gets it. Every single day in New Ham she spent with a plan of something that needed tending to or looking at. Now, there’s nothing. It’s such a big change and she hasn’t figured out how to deal with it.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.”

“You can let yourself rest, Allie,” Harry reminds her with a sense of calm that she’s never been able to relate to herself. Not anymore. “You deserve it.”

“I’ll rest when I’m dead.” She says not being serious, but regrets it when she sees the way Harry nearly flinches at her words. “Sorry, too soon.”

He glares back at her, and she represses her laugh by changing the subject. “Have you heard anything from Sam and Grizz?” She asks instead.

“Not really.” A wave of disappointment hits her. Allie doesn’t know what she expected, but she hoped maybe they had found out more about what was happening to them. It’s times like this she really misses Gordie and Bean.”

“How did you find out that they knew?” Allie had wondered that since he had told her in the hospital. She’d discovered that Grizz remembered when she had been with Dewey.

“Lots of time in the hospital waiting room leaves plenty of time to talk,” Harry shrugs, and Allie’s curiosity fades. She doesn’t want to bring up any bad memories. “Grizz was… really considerate. I was in shock after it and he, um, helped me wash your… the blood off and sat with me a lot. He told me a quote…”

“From Aeschylus?” she cuts him off. “Even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until in our own despair and against our will comes wisdom by the awful grace of God.” She recites, knowing it exactly after reading the note Grizz gave her before she tried to sleep each night.

Harry looks at her, amazed. “Yeah. Yeah, that was it.”

She smiles briefly. “He told it me after Cassandra had died,” she explains. “He’s a good friend to have.” Allie hasn’t forgotten what Harry first told her on their way to café about how none of the people he hung around with were his real friends. She hopes him and Grizz could have that.

“I was the first person he told, when he ran into prom, I mean. He was freaked out, like he couldn’t get his words out.” Allie plays with his fingers as she listens, feeling the weight of the conversation a little too much for the two of them. She thinks Harry’s outburst in the hospital was only a fraction of what he really felt. “I think you freaked us all out. All of West Ham up in arms over you.”

Allie knows he’s telling her this because he’s still stubborn in his argument that everyone needs her and cares about her. She finds it hard to comprehend still, but she’s getting there with the help from Harry and her family.

She thinks about what it must have been like for them all to receive that news as they were supposed to be enjoying themselves. “Is it stupid I feel bad for ruining their prom?”

 “It’s not stupid. You even asking that when almost no one in your position would think about that shows how much you care about them.”

“What about you though? It’s supposed to be one of the most memorable nights of your life. You didn’t get the chance to have fun either, and you’re going to be leaving school. Do you not care?”

Harry just shakes his head. “I hadn’t thought about it like that. I think I’d outgrown school by this point, Allie.”

“But you didn’t get to do all the clichés! Harry Bingham, prom king. Dancing with your date to that special slow song-“

“How many shitty romcoms have you been watching with your time off?” Harry mocks her much to her avail. She sighs dramatically.

The thing is, if her and Harry really were back for good that meant this was it for them. They couldn’t do over everything. She was sad for him that he didn’t seem to care about missing that one event that everyone talked about all of last year. There was a reason Kelly had pushed the idea to Cassandra in New Ham.

Harry takes note of her dejected expression, and suddenly stands up. “Give me your phone,” he demands. She raises her eyebrows. “Come on.” She entertains him, unlocks it and gives it to Harry.

“What are you doing?” She pesters him but he ignores her and she instead watches his fingers scroll through before he finally stops. A soft melody begins playing quietly. She recognises it from her playlist of slow songs.

“Dance with me.” He requests, so simply, like they aren’t just in her room at home waiting for dinner. She just stares at him, blankly. “You were the one determined for me to live out ‘one of the most memorable nights of my life’.  Surely slow dancing with the most beautiful girl in the room is always a part in the movies, right?”

“I _am_ the only girl in the room.” Allie retorts.

“Come on, are you really going to ruin this huge moment in my life for me, Pressman?” He tilts his head slightly and holds his hand out for her, tempting her into joining. “First night of prom I asked you if you wanted to dance, and you said it’d be better if we didn’t. What are you saying now?”

Allie shakes her head smiling at how ridiculous it is, but gets up and takes his hand. She puts her arms around his shoulders, and he gently places his hands on her waist.

“See? Who needs prom?” Harry argues half-heartedly, and Allie laughs as they slowly sway to the music. “Is this okay? It doesn’t hurt or anything?”

“Not at all,” Allie mumbles. “I think I’m definitely underdressed though.” She jokes in remarks to her oversized jumper and leggings. Changing clothes is the hardest part of her routine anymore – the time when the pain is the most noticeable as her shoulder burns – so she finds no effort to prioritise anything other than comfort.

“No. I think I have the best looking date by far.” He teases, and she scoffs.

Allie rests her head on his shoulder, closes her eyes in content and lets herself really relax.

It feels like there’s only the two of them in this world and it startles her when she thinks that she’d be fine with that.

She feels like she only gets these moments of calm so rarely now. Everything in New Ham had always been so hectic and Allie spent most of it worrying and obsessing over everything going well. When she got back to their real world, she freaked out over why it was happening, and the memories followed her everywhere as a bitter reminder.

It’s this line of thought that causes Allie to whisper to Harry like she’s saying something she shouldn’t. “You ever wish you could just freeze time? Stay in a moment forever?”

“Yeah, I do.”

They’re both quiet.

“Do you think we’ll ever be really happy?” She asks, her voice interlacing with the sadness she feels in her heart.

“You’re not happy?” He questions.

“I mean I don’t have to deal with the responsibility of everything again and I have my parents and my sister back and that’s everything, really. I know I should just appreciate that, but I have this constant thought every second that… it’s all going to get taken away from me.”

His grip on her waist tightens a little, and she feels his head shaking. “That’s not going to happen, Allie.”

“Maybe, but it’s all I think about. Every night before I sleep I get so scared that this is it. This will be the last hug I give my mom and dad, or this will be the last time I hear Cassandra’s laugh.” Her breathing shakes with how upset she is speaking the words out loud. “Can I tell you something that’s really fucked up?” He nods, and she takes his response to go ahead. “I don’t know why I sought after Dewey. I told you and everyone else that I didn’t want him to hurt anyone else, and it’s true but I… I made his anger so much worse that night. I said things that I knew would just piss him off further, and I can’t explain why. Maybe there’s a part of me that wanted to die then. I’d made peace with it.”

“I think… you’ve dealt with things no one should deal with. I can’t imagine… what it was like.” He struggles to get the words out that he thinks will comfort her. “I thought about it too. When you came into my room with the Guard to get me out of bed, I didn’t care about food being taken away at all. I just… couldn’t cope with it all, and I didn’t see the point of doing anything. Sometimes I still don’t.”

She hears the emotion mirrored in his voice and pulls away from his shoulder to look at him. “Your roommate told us at the time that he thought you were depressed,” Allie states, and she observes how Harry seems to look away from her as if he was ashamed. “I didn’t react the way I should’ve.”

“Considering everything that went down with Cassandra, I don’t blame you.”

Allie doesn’t like seeing anyone suffer though. Just because he said things about her sister didn’t mean she wanted him to feel that way. “That’s beside the point. I should’ve done something else. Maybe there was someone in the town who would’ve wanted to become a counsellor or something. I know Kelly was training for a role herself.”

Harry chuckles, like it’s funny. “Yeah, that would’ve helped.”

“I’m serious,” she frowns. “Harry… have you considered going to therapy at all since we came back? We have the option for that now.”

“For what?” He just asks, completely missing her point.

“You’ve been struggling a lot for a long time, maybe it could be good for you, you know?”

“I know you cope by being around your family, but I have my own ways too. I’m fine.” Harry shuts it down immediately, and she hates that he almost seems offended by her suggestion. Harry had been suffering long before New Ham though – the death of his father still hurt him more than everyone seemed to notice. He’s still upset with his mom too for her affair, and Allie thinks he hasn’t had time to process most of his emotions.

“What ways?” She inquires.

“It doesn’t matter.” He just tells her, and they both drop it. She knows she can’t force him to talk if he doesn’t want to, so she ignores the feeling in her gut.

Instead, they just let the music continue.

After a beat, Harry asks her quietly, “Why did your mom ask me to come round tonight?”  

“Beats me,” Allie pretends. After saying it though, she decides there’s no reason to lie. “I think… she thinks we’re dating.”

She feels weird saying it, almost like she’s crossing a barrier between them that they aren’t ready for. Harry only looks slightly surprised at her admission. “Oh,” is all he says in response.

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t know what to say to explain why we were so close, so I kinda didn’t say anything? I hope that’s okay…” She knows she’s stammering and probably thinking too much into it but the last thing she wants right now is to scare Harry off.

“Hey, it’s fine,” he stops her, smiling in that way only Harry does, and she just knows he is going to use this to his advantage to embarrass her. Allie groans and buries her face back into Harry’s shoulder.

There’s a knock on her door and the two pull apart slightly to see Allie’s mom on the other side. “Dinner’s ready.” She tells them looking straight at Allie. She doesn’t know if she’s ever seen her mom smug before until now. If she didn’t already think they were dating, this probably would have sealed it for her.

 

 

Their dinner mostly goes nice.

Allie’s mom doesn’t touch on subjects like Dewey, nor does she mention anything about Harry’s family.

Cassandra and Harry are even tolerant of each other. Their arguments are toned down into more light-hearted banter. “Gone with the Wind is a good book,” her sister repeats again, much to Allie’s amusement. She knows that it’s her sister’s favourite book, and so Harry’s strong rebuttal is making it funnier.

“Is it though?” Harry mocks.

Before they can continue, the front door opens as Allie’s dad finishes work. Her mom greets him with a kiss on the cheek and starts asking him about his day. It’s something small, and the usual domestic thing she’s used to. She notices Harry looks down pointedly though, and her heart hurts for him. She can’t imagine losing one of her parents and what that does to you.

Her dad sits at the table with the rest of them and looks at Harry. “That your car at the front?” Allie rolls her eyes because she knows exactly where this is going. Harry confirms that it is, and her dad lights up. “That’s amazing,” he starts, and all of the Pressman women know that it’s far from over.

“That’s my cue to go.” Cassandra announces and leaves.

“Men,” her mom jokes. She looks in Allie’s direction. “Help me in the kitchen, sweetheart?”

This is the first time her mom has asked her to actually do anything, usually insisting on helping her. She knows there’s another agenda, and her curiosity peaks so she stands up, ready to grab the plates as best as she could despite the pain in her shoulder.

“Do you need me to help? I can wash the dishes if you want?” Harry asks, looking back between Allie and her mom. Instead, her mom tells him that he’s their guest, and so she picks up the plates and walks into their kitchen.

Allie leans against the counter as her mom tidies up. It’s strange having an actual adult do these tasks again for you. They all took that for granted. “You look happy,” her mom states. Allie raises her eyebrows at this. “I don’t really know why, and I think it’s always up to you if you want to share that with us as long as you know both me and your dad are here for you, but you’d been acting… different. I mean before the accident. It was like you weren’t really there sometimes.”

Allie feels a lump forming in her throat as she tries not to tear up. She doesn’t know how a sentence like manages to feel like a punch to the stomach. She’d tried so hard for them to live up to who she once was before New Ham. It had been exhausting. She hadn’t registered when she had stopped trying.

“I’m sorry.” Allie says, because she doesn’t know what else to say. It feels like she spends so much of her time apologising.

“Don’t be,” her mom insists. “You shouldn’t say sorry for feeling the way you do.”

“Not just for that, but for everything,” Allie explains, nervously tugging her necklace. “I don’t mean to make you worry so much.”

Her mom merely laughs at this. “I think we’ll always worry about you two no matter what.”

Allie remembers sitting by a wall alone phoning her mom and asking her to come get them. She thinks back to when she cried alone in her bed and told them about Cassandra. Memories like these make her all the more appreciative of what she has in the moment. “I love you.” She says, and vows to say it more and more, because she didn’t say it enough before.

“I love you too. Now… are we going to talk about that boy in there?”

“You know, I think _you’re_ the one infatuated with him.” She plays dumb instead, finding it more amusing to see the deadpan expression on her mom’s face.

“Well, he has the thumbs up from me,” her mom whispers, like it’s a secret. Allie snorts at this.

“He brought you flowers, complimented your cooking and offered to clean up. Consider me shocked, mom.”

Her mom nudges her for her sarcasm. “That does win me over, I’ll say… but I can tell how much he cares about you. He looks at you like you put the stars in the sky.”

“Okay, wow, since when are you this cheesy?” Allie laughs, instead ignoring the way her heart warms. Her mom just smiles, like she knows more than anyone else.

The two of them carry so much baggage between them. Their conversation earlier whilst they were dancing in her room only proves that further - she doesn’t know if either of them are ready for any more change.

 “We aren’t… what we have is just…” Allie doesn’t know how to explain herself. She wants to say she doesn’t know if Harry sees her that way anyway. Their moments together the night they played fugitive both came from the same place: wanting a distraction. Maybe they were the only two people left in this world to begin with who shared the same experience and so they naturally cling to one another. That doesn’t sound right either though, and she’s just _confused_. “We’ve both been through a lot.”

 “I know,” she acknowledges, and Allie forgets for a minute that her mom is only thinking about prom and about Harry’s dad, “but that’s all the more reason to take happiness where you find it.”

Allie isn’t sure how she’s supposed to reply to a comment like that.

She helps her mom and they both walk back to the dining table to see her dad and Harry laughing over something like they’ve known each other their whole lives. It’s a sight that makes her really happy.

When they see them, her dad lights up. “I like this one,” he tells Allie. “Actually knows his sports too.”

She knows that’s a side dig over her and Cassandra not taking up interest in his games and it’s meant lightly, but she’s also glad that Harry has had the opportunity to talk with her dad over trivial things. She knows he misses his.

“Oh, that’s definitely what sold me on him, dad.”

“She’s full of sarcasm tonight, honey. Watch yourself.” Her mom comments, and Allie rolls her eyes at the two of them. Harry seems to find it hilarious.

“I should probably get going,” Harry starts, before turning to her parents. “Thank you for dinner.”

Just like she expects, her mom gushes over him. “Of course, please come any time. We’d love to have you.” Her dad agrees too, and then seems to ruin the moment when he adds, “Yeah, especially before you leave us all behind for college.”

Allie and Harry both freeze at the mention of college. Sometimes she gets so caught up in adjusting to the old version of their world that she forgets about their future and what it means for them. Harry is just finishing school and is going to have to do something. Cassandra will be leaving too.

She looks up at him, surprised, and watches Harry rub the back of his neck nervously. “I’m not too sure about that, if I’m going, I mean.”

“What?” Allie asks him, and Harry avoids her gaze.

“Surely you have a plan?” her dad questions. It isn’t meant to sound condescending, more concerned for him, she knows that, but it seems to hit them both.

“I just don’t know yet.”

Her parents let them go with another goodbye to Harry and Allie catches the meaningful look her mom gives her. She walks Harry to the door and can see the way his whole demeanour has changed. She thinks her dad has opened up something that neither of them had even thought about that much. No one was thinking about their future of their old life when they were in New Ham. It was pointless. Now, he has to decide everything he wants to do.

_I didn’t see the point of doing anything. Sometimes I still don’t._

Those words from earlier hit her harder.

“Harry,” she addresses him, desperate to reach for his hand. He looks like he’s further away from her than ever when he’s right in front of her. “It doesn’t matter if you don’t know. You have plenty of time for all of that.”

She’s trying so hard to be as gentle as she can with his feelings, but she knows she’s failed when he the smile he gives her doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Thanks for tonight, Allie.”

“I’m sorry my dad ruined it.” She mumbles.

“He didn’t. Not at all.” He quickly refutes. Allie looks down at the floor, feeling stumped and useless again. She doesn’t want this to make things worse for Harry – it could bring back the same feeling of worthlessness that she never wants him to feel. “I guess it’s… given me something to think about,” he frowns, and she doesn’t know what that is supposed to mean.

He starts to leave, and Allie hates the sinking feeling in her stomach. “Text me when you get home,” she pleads.

“I will.” Harry promises, and as if sensing her worry, he walks back over to where she stands and gently lifts her hand and kisses her knuckles. “Thanks for being my prom date.” He says and she sees the familiar glint in his eyes in their softer moments. She lets him go, watches him drive away, and hopes she’s being paranoid.

Harry doesn’t text her when he gets home because he doesn’t go back that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos go a long, long way!! tell me your favourite parts, what you liked, what you hated, what you want to see! i'm on tumblr if you want to cry over hallie with me: alliepressmans


	6. Chapter 6

Allie woke up later than usual.

Her shoulder was aching as expected, but she didn’t have the motivation to actually move just yet. She’d spent most of the night awake, thinking about Harry and how helpless she felt. He had left her house obviously feeling upset in some way last night, but he refused to talk to her about it. She’d texted him in the midst of her worry.

 **Allie:** Hey, I hope you’re okay

         If you just want space, that’s fine. I’m still here for you.

Allie reached for her phone that was resting on her bedside table. She rubbed her eyes, and felt the disappointment when she saw no messages from him. Instead, she had one unread text from her cousin.

 **Sam:** Text me as soon as you get this. It’s important.

It had been sent at 2 in the morning. Allie hates the way her heart rate speeds up a little and the all too familiar anxiety that creeps in, threatening to take her whole. She types out a reply quickly, hoping Sam sees it fast and she isn’t left waiting.

 **Allie:** is everything okay??

Why would he sent her a message at that time? Had something happened? Was he okay? Was Grizz okay? Becca?

Had they found out some more news about New Ham?

She watches the icon that shows her Sam is typing for what feels like forever. He stops, and then continues, like he doesn’t know what he’s saying. It’s frustrating.

 **Sam:** it might be best if I can come to your house to explain?

 **Allie:** yeah, of course

 

 

Patience isn’t one of Allie’s strong points. She does just about everything she can think of whilst waiting for Sam to arrive. The house is empty – her parents are working and Cassandra is finishing things with the debate team today. Allie sits with her cup of tea in her hands, hoping it might calm her nerves.

She hears the door knock, and opens it to Sam and also Grizz surprisingly. “You guys are a package deal now?” She asks. Her curiosity over the two of them is still there, and she makes a mental note to ask about it later.

“Hope it’s okay I came too?” Grizz replies instead, to which Allie nods. She lets them both in and sits opposite them.

There’s a part of her that is yelling to ask them if they wanted any tea or coffee, but her own unsettling feeling weighs her down further. She looks between the pair in front of her, noting Sam’s nervousness. “What’s going on?”

“Last night,” Sam begins to sign, “Well, this morning… I woke up hearing yelling coming from the front of my house. I went down to see what was going on, and saw Harry at my front door.” Allie’s reminded of one of her first nights back in the real world, when she saw the exact same situation. She’s no more clearer as to what had happened then. “He was talking to Campbell, and he looked so… defeated. I went to them to ask what was going on. Harry told me to leave, so I did. I stayed behind just a little though, and I saw…”

Sam stopped suddenly, and Allie’s eyes widened. “You saw what?” Allie signed, desperate for him to finish. Her worry for Harry had intensified even more.

She watched as Grizz took Sam’s hand in his to comfort him. He took this as encouragement, and finished. “Campbell, he was giving Harry some pills.” Allie sat there, her jaw slack. “I think… Harry was upset that Campbell wasn’t giving him more like he’d asked. I don’t think this is the first time it has happened.”

“That can’t…” Allie began to refute, but then she thought about everything.

She knew Harry had been struggling, but how could she have missed this? All of the signs? Every time she asked about Campbell or he was brought up, Harry would shut down on her. She remembered each time she saw him – before they both knew each other were back in West Ham, his appearance had been more dishevelled than normal with his tired eyes and pale face. Allie had originally thought he was still working through things like her.

“Allie,” Grizz gently addresses her. Allie looks up to see both of them looking at her concerned, and she doesn’t feel worthy of their concern.

“I had no idea,” Her eyes fill with tears. “I had no idea.” She repeats, and she feels so fucking stupid. She feels awful for not being able to tell that the person closest to her right now had been suffering from an addiction this whole time. She doesn’t even know how long – had this been before West Ham? Had she failed as a mayor and not even noticed that Campbell was supplying drugs in the town she was supposed to take care of?

“This isn’t your fault.” He reassures her. “I don’t think anyone knew… I think he kept it that way on purpose. Especially from you.”

“Why would he do that?” Allie whispers, feeling so useless again. She remembers their conversation the night before as they were slow dancing in her room. She’d told him to consider therapy, knowing that the grief from his father’s death had always weighed on him and he answered firmly. _I have my own ways too. I’m fine._  He hadn’t wanted her to know. She wishes she hadn’t dropped the topic so quickly.

“I don’t think he’d want you to worry.” Sam answers, and she almost chuckles humourlessly at that. Allie was always going to worry about Harry.

She lets herself takes a deep breath and wipes the tears that escaped. She can’t let her emotions get the best of her right now when Harry needed her. Looking up at Sam and Grizz, she asks them for their help in this. “Can you take me to his house? I need to see him.”

Allie isn’t even supposed to be leaving her own home, not when her parents are still paranoid after the accident. Normally, she would never want to distress them, but this is too important to her.

Harry’s too important.

 

***

 

When they arrive, Sam and Grizz promise to wait in the car until she texts them otherwise. Allie knocks on the door, and is surprised to see Harry’s mom instead answer.

Harry’s mom is always out and about – she’s one of the busiest people in their town – and so Allie doesn’t expect her to be here. “Allie, what can I do for you?” She asks politely, with the same pitying smile she’s used to from everyone else after being in hospital.

“Is Harry here?” Allie questions, trying to not tap her foot impatiently.

His mom frowns. “No, he didn’t come home last night. I assume he was staying with friends.” The words Allie had ever planned to use die in her throat. Sam had saw Harry around 2 in the morning, and she just assumed he would go home. This could mean all different kinds of things and none of them help her fears.

“Oh, okay. Thank you. I should probably get going anyway. My mom gets really worried these days.” Allie exaggerates only slightly, leaving his mom with a forced smile, and heads back towards Sam and Grizz.

She sits in the back seat with the two boys in the front. It’s silent for a moment, as Allie rests her head in her hands and tries to get herself to calm down. She won’t find him if she’s fighting with her emotions.

Allie decides to phone him, knowing what the result will be. She listens as it goes straight to voicemail.

“Where should we try?” Grizz asks. “Kelly’s? School? Maybe even the church?” He prompts, and Allie instantly knows the answer to all three. She tries to think of where he might have gone, and only one place stands out.

“I think I have an idea.”

 

***

 

Grizz drives as Allie directs him to the cafe she’d only been once when Harry had taken her. It was the first day when they attempted to figure things out in their world.

“This is pretty far out, you think he came all this way?”

“He’s been gone all morning,” she points out. Grizz nods, and accepts her answer for what it is, and she’s so thankful to have him here right now.  

“How do you know about this place?” Sam turns around to ask, and Allie feels slightly uncomfortable. Harry had confided in her when he spoke about how his dad took him there when he was younger. They both had deemed it their own place to escape now. The details feel a little intimate.

“We went there not so long ago,” Allie decides to say.

“You and Harry?” Sam signs, with a look that she knows means more than he's letting on.

Allie only nods, and hopes they don’t get into this conversation right now. Instead, Grizz saves her from that. “I can’t help but think… why today? What had made him want to… take pills from Campbell so much? Did something happen, or?”

“My dad mentioned to him about a plan for after school. I think it maybe freaked him out.” She explains.

Allie’s just so tired she can’t help it. Her shoulder hurts and she has a headache from her lack of sleep and her mind is working in over drive. They both must notice this, because Grizz asks her if she’s okay. “Look, I can go get him if you want. You don’t have to…”

“Stop worrying, Grizz.” She mumbles with a half smile.

“You two make it hard not to,” he retorts, and it does make her laugh. Compared to Sam and Grizz, her and Harry have had some dramatic things happen since they came back. She doesn’t know how they do it. She doesn’t quite understand how anyone might just adjust back, unless she’s missing something.

There’s a beat of silence between them all, and Allie stares at the window without actually taking anything in. “I hope he’s okay.” Grizz adds after a few moments, and Allie gulps.

“Me too.”

“He’s lucky to have you, Allie.” He states, and Allie doesn’t quite feel like he’s the lucky one right now. She’s trying to not beat herself up for this though – she can only be there for him now and help him through this. “He’s not the selfish dick that some of us maybe made him out to be. I think you always saw past that.”

“He can still be,” she says, although it now seems more fond than it would’ve six months ago. “I guess New Ham changed all of us.”

“Maybe it just revealed who we really are.” Sam disputes, and Allie doesn’t know how she’s supposed to take that for herself. She once thought that New Ham had shown her true self in that she was able to pull the trigger that killed Dewey. She was able to kill someone.

Maybe, New Ham instead showed her that she was strong. Stronger than she ever thought. Working past her own grief to focus tirelessly on keeping everyone alive destroyed her at times, but she did it. She was a leader – not a mere shadow of her sister, Cassandra.

That’s what she chooses to focus on now.

“I think it did.” Grizz agrees, with a quick glance towards Sam and a smile that she thinks was reserved for him only.

It makes her think of Harry, and the way he looks at her. That breaks her heart even more.

 

***

 

When they arrive, Sam and Grizz both offer to go inside with her, to which Allie refuses. She thinks it’ll be too much for Harry at once.

Allie tentatively walks inside, and feels her breathing come to a halt when she sees him. He’s in the corner of the café by himself. As she goes over to him, she notices the distant, far away look in his eyes. He isn’t looking at anyone, his eyes looking down at something.

She approaches him carefully and sits beside him so as not to startle him. “Harry,” she whispers loud enough for him to hear. Only when he looks up does she see that he wasn’t looking down at the ground, he was clutching something. A small picture of his dad and him, one that probably went in his wallet. The sight hurts more than anything else.

Harry stares at her. “What are you doing here?” It’s cold. No interaction she’s had with him has felt like this. His warm smiles and soft teasing are always welcoming. It’s part of his charm that everyone is so attracted to, although she thinks he’s more real around her. She’s drawn to the warmth – not this.

“Come on, let’s get you home.” She tries, her voice scratchy. She doesn’t want to get into this here. Allie wants to be alone with Harry, to ask him why, to help.

“Are you even allowed to be here right now?” Harry remarks, and it’s filled with bite. A part of her is aware that this is likely related to his addiction. Being irritable is a symptom, she knows that. It still draws her back for a moment.

“Harry,” She attempts again, and she leans forward to reach out to him but he moves away quickly. He jumps at the chance of her temporary hurt to interrupt her again.

“In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t need to follow your lead anymore. You can’t take my food away as punishment this time.” Allie is too taken aback by the comment to say anything. When she tries, the words die out. She’s so used to her and Harry on the same side that she briefly thinks that this is how Cassandra must have felt at the beginning when she established the rules. Harry finally looks at her rather than from the corner of his eyes, and she sees the dejected look in his eyes, and knows that their situation isn’t the case. “Please just… go home, Allie.”

It’s quieter this time, more pleading.

“I’m not going anywhere without you.” Allie states, more confident than before. Harry just sighs in response. “I know about Campbell,” she continues, and watches his whole body freeze. “I know about the pills.”

“Sam?” Harry just asks, almost as if he had predicted this coming.

“Yeah. He saw you.” Allie confirms, and hears Harry whispers _fuck_ , and at least that means he can’t deny it in front of her this time. That’s some progress.

She sees his hand shaking, and she doesn’t know if it’s from the drugs, anger, nerves, or anything else he could be feeling. She wants to take his hands in hers, to soothe him, but she’s scared he’ll move away again.

“You don’t understand, Allie.”

“I’m not here to… judge you, Harry. I’m here to help, to be there for you.” She doesn’t understand because he’s never given her the chance to, she thinks. However, she knows him better than they both think.

Unfortunately, she also knows Campbell well too. “How long has it been going on?” This is one of the parts she’s afraid of. She doesn’t want to know how long she has been ignorant to it all, but she has to.

“Since prom.”

“Since prom,” she repeats, trying to wrap her head around that. “Were you high when you promised to be looking out for my sister?” She doesn’t want to get mad at him – that’s the last thing she wants to do, but the idea of that feels like a betrayal.

“No. No, I wouldn’t do that. I wanted to. So badly. I couldn’t though.” He firmly shuts it down, and Allie breathes. “You saw me talking to Campbell the same night we found each other in this place.” She nods, and then the reminder sinks in. She thought that it was likely Campbell had been supplying Harry in New Ham when it was easier to do so, but she hadn’t imagined it would’ve been that long ago.

Over six months.

It brings tears to her eyes, and again she doesn’t want to do this right now. This isn’t about her, and she doesn’t want Harry to feel any of that. So, she stands up and is more assertive this time, hoping that approach may work better. “Come on. We’re going home now.” And this time, he listens. He doesn’t walk beside her though, and instead trails behind her.

Harry falters when he sees Sam and Grizz in the car parked outside. The action actually makes her laugh. “How else do you think I got here?”

He doesn’t smile back. His eyes just look dead and far away.

“I don’t know how I got here.” He admits. Allie doesn’t know if he’s talking about the café, or his current situation.

 

*** 

 

No one says anything their entire journey home. She can see Grizz sneak glances in the mirror towards both Harry and Allie – who also sit as far away as possible from each other. She doesn’t have the heart to tell him that she’s okay.

It’s only when they’re nearly back does anyone break the silence. “Don’t take me back home.” Harry says, and all eyes turn to him. “I don’t want my mom or sister to see me right now.”

It breaks her heart all over again, and she thinks about how it was one thing for Harry to manage his addiction in his house at New Ham full of strangers, but it’s another to do it right in front of your family’s eyes. Harry adores his sister too, and she knows he feels like he’s disappointed her.

“You can come back to mine,” Allie offers quietly. She isn’t leaving him anyway, so he may as well come with her.

“No fucking way. I’m not doing this in front of your family,” is how he answers. She just wants to tell him that he doesn’t have to be ashamed, that her family adore him,  that he shouldn’t care what they think, but she doesn’t think he’ll listen.

She’s at a loss. Where else is he going to go? He can’t sit in cafes forever to avoid people he knows. “You can stay at mine. As long as you want too,” Grizz says. Before Harry can argue against it, Grizz interrupts. “My parents are hardly there anyway.” She watches Harry deflate, knowing he won’t get out of this one. It makes Allie feel a little lighter though – Grizz is one of the best people she knows. Allie will stay as much as she can, but at least she knows he’s in good hands for now.

“Thanks, Grizz.” Allie speaks, knowing that Harry wants to say the same but likely feels too vulnerable right now.

“It’s fine. Sam stays round all the time, it’s no problem.” He responds, and then she notices how he stops suddenly at his mistake, his cheeks flushing a little.

For the first time that day, Allie smiles brightly. That’s what she’d been missing. “Does he now?” Allie inquires, with a teasing tone. She sees how Grizz stammers, and Allie registers that he might not have actually come out yet, and this was an accident. She doesn’t want him to regret it. “Grizz, I’m so happy for you. Really. This is amazing.”

He relaxes at this, and turns to look at Sam, who had been staring at the window for their conversation so hadn’t heard a thing. Almost as if sensing Grizz, Sam turns and smiles back at him. He glances then back at Allie, who still can’t hide her smile.

Grizz is one of her closest friends since New Ham. He had been there for her, and tried to empathise with her, more than anyone else. She was an actual human being, not a machine ready to make decisions instantly and didn’t feel anything about the impacts.

Sam was her cousin. Easily her favourite cousin too, although that wasn’t a difficult choice. She’d always remember the way he would make her laugh when she was really little after Campbell had said a mean comment or pulled her hair. He still makes her laugh the same way now.

She can’t think of two better people to be together.

“What is it?” he signs.

“You and Grizz?” She signs back, repeating the way he’d asked her about Harry earlier, not able to miss the fun opportunity. Sam only has to take one look at Allie’s face and watch Grizz nod to his unasked question to know that he told them, and then he’s smiling too. “You’re one to talk,” he points out, mocking her jokingly in the way he has done since they were little, obviously looking between her and Harry.

Allie just scoffs, but looks over at Harry who has been quiet the whole time. He returns her gaze with his own small smile, and she feels the contagious hope that Sam always seem to have spread in her. It’s Harry. He’ll be okay.

 

***

 

When they all arrive at Grizz’s house, he shows them to a smaller guest room that Harry can stay in. It’s smaller than she knows Harry is used to, but he doesn’t seem to care.

“What are you going to tell your mom?” Allie asks, and then regrets it immediately after. He likely doesn’t want to think about that.

“I used to stop at Kelly’s almost every night after my dad…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, but she knows what he’s referring to. “I used to hate being in the house. You know, all the memories. I’ll just say I needed a break, or something. It’s not like this is forever.”

Allie hums in response, and sits down next to him on the bed. She hates how defeated he looks. “I’m sorry,” he admits to her, playing with his fingers as one of his nervous habits.

“You don’t need to be.” Allie tells him, gently.

He just scoffs and shakes his head at this. “I should have told you. I shouldn’t have let it get this far that I didn’t even know where I was or what time it was when you found me earlier. That’s not…”

“Harry,” she tries to stop him, already sensing the self hatred in his voice.

“I’m sorry for not telling you, for making you worry.” He finally returns his gaze to her, rather than on his fingers. She feels the weight of it all.

The words sound all too familiar to Allie though, and her lip curls upwards. “Yeah, well, I guess you could say we’re even.” He looks at her confused at first, likely the exhaustion kicking in, and she just points to her shoulder in reminder. Harry half smiles at this too, and it makes her feel lighter.

There’s a knock on the door and Grizz comes in holding some of his own clothes. “Hey, I got some clothes for you to change into. The shower’s just next to here, so…”

“Thanks.” Harry replies, although they all know he’s thanking Grizz for so much more than that.

Grizz just nods, and turns to leave. “Allie, are you staying tonight? We can just order some pizza in, if that’s cool with you guys?”

Allie quickly makes up her mind. “Yeah, I’ll stay. Can I take the couch?”  

Grizz blinks in surprise at her question, and Harry shifts. “Hey, no way, I’ll take the couch.” He argues like his word is final. Allie rolls her eyes.

“You’re the one stopping here, so no. It’s just one night.”

“Allie, I’m not making it even more uncomfortable for you when you’re still recovering from a bullet wound.” He emphasises every word, and it would be endearing if it wasn’t annoying to her at the minute.

She sees how certain he looks that he won’t give up. She’s stubborn too though, and she doesn’t have the fight in her to argue about sleeping arrangements all night. “Okay, you know what, this bed is big enough for us both. It’s just one night.”

Allie doesn’t leave Harry a chance to respond, as she turns back to Grizz who is just looking everywhere but at them awkwardly. When he hears them both quiet, he looks back up. “Pizza’s great,” Allie says, and Grizz takes the opportunity to leave.

Harry turns to her again. “I thought you were meant to be staying at home.”

Allie just shrugs her shoulders. “I’ll come up with something,” she tells him, though he raises his eyebrows in a way that tells her she isn’t so convincing. “I’ll speak to Cassandra.” Cassandra will know how to help. She always does.

Harry groans at this. “She’s going to kill me.”

“That’s a possibility.” Allie teases.

He stands up and reaches for the clothes Grizz gave him to borrow for now. “I’m gonna go have a shower. I’ll watch my back whilst I’m in there.”

“You should,” she yells as he leaves. When he’s gone, she feels the stress of the day finally hit her and she’s _exhausted._ Her entire body aches. Allie decides to rest her eyes just a little whilst she waits for Harry.

A little turns into almost two hours, and she wakes up when she hears a thud and a hushed “shit” in the room. Allie opens her eyes slowly, and sees Harry glancing at her sheepishly. “What?” Allie asks, groggily.

“I dropped my phone by accident,” he explains, rubbing the back of his neck. He looks a little better than the last time she saw him. “You fell asleep when I was in the shower and I didn’t want to wake you up.”

Allie’s appreciative at the gesture, although she wishes he had. “I slept pretty bad yesterday,” she tells him, and winces when she remembers that her concern for Harry was the reason why, and she hadn’t want him to know that and feel any guilt.

As if the timing couldn’t get any better, Harry’s phone beeps with a lot of messages as he finally put it into charge after it being dead. She knows he’s seeing all the missed ones from her. “Harry,” she attempts to intercept before his mood changes for the worse, “stay with me?” She holds out her hand for him.

He slowly joins her as he lies next to her. He’s close but they aren’t touching. Allie can sense his restlessness. “Do you…” She doesn’t know how to approach asking him about the pills. She doesn’t want to make anything worse. “Do you feel like you want one?”

“Sort of. Yeah. I mean, what the fuck am I doing, Allie? I’m avoiding my own house, I have no plans for anything. I don’t know how to be okay with this. Being back here. I can’t handle it.”

“Hey,” She pulls herself up slightly so she can see his face. “Just breathe. Okay, breathe.” He mimics her breathing, and when she’s content that he’s calmed down she moves to rest her head on his chest with her arm across him. It’s more comfortable than she’s felt in forever, and she can feel herself already entering her sleeping state. He doesn’t dare put his hand on her shoulder, likely in fear of hurting her. Instead, he draws circles on her arm in a soothing way.

It’s quiet between them, and she speaks before she ends up sleeping again. “Tomorrow, Harry. Let yourself rest. We’ll figure out the rest tomorrow.”

She feels his whole body relax with this.

Allie isn’t sure if she imagines the kiss to her forehead or not, but she lets herself have this for now. The concern can sink away, because he’s here with her now. He isn’t alone. This time, he can get the help he needs.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry it has felt like forever since updating! i don't know how i feel about this one in all honesty, but i hope you all liked it. i have appreciated the feedback so so much. seriously, i have never felt better about writing and i've felt encouraged with more hallie ideas lately that i want to write, so please leave any comments you want! it means the world!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i went from writers block and a lack of inspiration for a month to writing this all at once? i don't understand my brain but i hope you guys are still reading this and if you are, i'm sorry!! this chapter is only around 3k but i ended up liking it a lot. there will only be 1 or 2 parts left now and i promise they won't take half as long to be posted as this was haha

Harry’s road to recovery is a long one. It has many stops, many bends, and there’s time where no one knows where it’s heading.

The withdrawal symptoms are the worst.

Allie, Grizz and Sam do as much research as they possibly can but they soon find there’s a difference between reading up on something and then seeing it right in front of you.

 

He gets headaches and his hands shake and the worst part of it is that he tries to hide it. Allie has told Harry endless amount of times, verbally and through her actions, that she’s there with him to help but it doesn’t stop him. She knows though – she notices how he squeezes his eyes shut like it will block out the pain and how he’ll move his hands under the table or out of sight. And so, she’ll take his hand in hers and squeeze it tight, and she’ll rest her head on his shoulder. It isn’t enough, it won’t make him magically okay, but it’s something.

 

Harry is always tired. Not the usual tired where you drink coffee and it helps you feel more awake – the kind of tired where Harry looks dead on his feet. He’ll stay in his bed for hours upon end and she knows what it is and what it means but it doesn’t matter to Harry who just wants to sleep.

“Harry, you need to get up.” She’ll try and coach him. It won’t work most the time, she learns that he will when he’s ready to, when the weight of the world doesn’t feel so heavy.

“I just want to be alone,” is what he’ll tell her, and those days she leaves him at Grizz’s house. She’ll send him memes that will make him laugh, pictures of dogs and sometimes just a heart emoji so he he’s reminded he isn’t alone. She’ll get a text the day after and that’s his way of telling her that he’s a little more put together now.

 

Other days, he clings to her like a lifeline. “Stay with me.” He requests, and Allie does every time. The desperate look on his face couldn’t make her chose otherwise even if she wanted to. Allie catches up on her own sleep then, where the threat of nightmares and her tendency to overthink leave her alone, because she’s at peace. She allows Harry to hold her like he’s scared she’ll leave.

(She never does.)

 

 

To completely contradict it all, because none of it is easy, he also gets incredibly restless. Grizz still extends his offer for Harry to stay at his house and he takes it because the idea of his mom and sister seeing him this way scares him more. That also means he has a lot of time on his hands. Sam and Grizz are both good with Harry and keeping him company, but sometimes he’ll pace around the house asking if he can clean or cook or do absolutely anything (they learn quickly what that means: _I really want to take a pill right now and I need you to stop me_ ). They’ll often tell Allie when he gets like this. They play video games, watch reality TV just to complain about the stars, they bake and do just about anything.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he tells her softly one time after they’ve finished their round of chocolate chip cookies and that’s all Allie needs to reassure her that she’s doing the right thing. He moves a strand of her hair behind her ear because yes, her curls are a mess, and it’s so tender she honestly feels like she could _cry_ , and then Grizz is already in the kitchen interrupting whatever moment they were having.

“Do I smell cookies?”

 

 

The worst of it, for everyone involved, is how irritable he can get. Sometimes it’s something small like complaining that his food in the microwave isn’t going fast enough when he has to wait only a few minutes, but other times it’s bigger than that.

Allie only registers too late that she picked the worst time to ask him something as big as seeing a professional. “What do you think?”

She waits nervously, because she’s already brought up the idea before and he’d turned it down then.

“No,” he just answers. “I don’t need to do that.”

In hindsight, maybe she should have left it there. Of course she didn’t though.

“I think it’d be good for you.”

“I said, I don’t need it.”

“Harry…”

“We transported to another version of this world, and then we somehow came back. Your sister was dead, and now she isn’t, and you’re just fine with it? That doesn’t completely mess with your head?”

“You already know that it does.”

He scoffs. “Really? We saw Emily die. You killed someone. I said all that shit about Cassandra and yet here you are.”

She moves further away from him on the couch and releases a shaky breath. “You don’t think I already know all this?”

“Well none of you fucking act like it! You, Grizz and Sam, you’re all just continuing like it’s fine. We can’t talk to anyone about this. Not our families. So tell me, what the fuck is a therapist going to be able to do to help me?”

She lets it stay quiet between them for a few minutes because she doesn’t want to act harshly, not now. He takes the quiet as a means to hit harder. “You can pretend to be there for me as much as you want but at the end of the day, you’re just a distraction, Allie. That’s it. No one is going to be able to help me.”

Allie ignores the hurt from being dismissed as a _distraction_ and the idea that she’s only pretending to be there for him. She knows this isn’t what he really thinks, and that Harry has a tendency to act out. And so, she stands up and gets ready to leave but turns around before reaching the door.

“You and I both know that this is bigger than New Ham. I’m not going to force you into anything, just… think about it. For your sake, not mine.”

 

 

Allie goes home that night and cries. She cries because she feels so fucking helpless, because she doesn’t know what she’s doing in this world and everything is so overwhelming.

It’s almost ironic to her in a way that makes her want to throw up, because this is the exact position she felt her whole time as the leader of a town she didn’t want to lead.

There’s a difference though this time.

Cassandra sits on her bed with her and rubs her arm soothingly. It stops the ache in her chest for a while because at least now she has her sister with her. This is an adjustment that she could happily make.

(The thought makes her still for a minute and think of Harry. Maybe seeing his family again could help, even just for a little bit.)

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Cassandra asks, after Allie refuses to tell her what’s wrong. She wouldn’t know how to even start, and she won’t tell anyone about Harry if it isn’t life threatening because it isn’t her place to say.

“Just talk to me. About anything.” Allie says, and she lets herself breathe again hearing her sister tell her stories of her day and smiling when she brings up Gordie.

There’s one point where Cassandra mentions Yale and only then does it sink for Allie – she wasn’t going to stay here forever.

It’s scary to her, the idea of her sister leaving again. She’s only just got her back.

It’s also hopeful though, because everyone had plans and hopes before they got onto that bus. Now, they can actually do them. They have the rest of their lives to figure it out. It isn’t life or death for them anymore.

They’ll all be okay.

 

 

She’s in a considerably better mood when her phone chimes a few hours later.

 **Harry:** Can I see you?

 **Allie:** of course

 **Harry:** I’m so glad you said that because I’m outside

 

Allie’s brows furrow, and she heads to her window. She looks out and sees Harry’s car parked not far from her house. ‘ **Creep’** she texts back, holding back a laugh. Grabbing the closest hoodie she can find, she throws that on over her pjs and finds any shoes. Leaving the house is easier than she thought it’d be – everyone is fast asleep. Allie struggles to do so at a decent hour in her own bed.

 

If she were being honest, she expected to see Harry in his usual state of messy hair and unkempt appearance. She’s the one who looks the worst out of the two – his hair looks damp from a shower and he’s dressed in his blue button up shirt.

She doesn’t quite know what she’s supposed to say to him. He speaks first instead. “Wanna go for a drive?”

 

“I’m sorry.” He starts with, the car only just taking off. It’s what she expects. Harry feels like he needs to apologise for everything.

“It’s okay.” Allie insists. She knows that none of what he said was meant to hurt her.

Harry just frowns, like he can’t accept that. “I know that this has all been a lot for you too. I threw everything from New Ham in your face and I shouldn’t have.”

“We’re all dealing with things.”

“That doesn’t make it okay.” He states, and she bites her lip to refrain from arguing. “You’re so strong, Allie. I don’t know how you do it.”

“Harry-“

“I don’t know how you do it, but I want to. I want to be able to sit with my family without pretending, I want to wake up in the morning and actually get out of bed, I want to feel okay again.”

“You will, Harry. It’s a process though… it doesn’t just happen over night. You’ll get there. Sometimes you fall back but that’s okay.”

He hangs onto her every word, and she watches as some of the tension seems to leave his shoulders as she reminds him of the fact.

“I decided after you left that you were right. I’m going to… see someone.” He tells her, struggling to actually say it out loud.

“I don’t want you to go because I told you to go.” Allie states, leaning her head against the window.

“I decided myself. I should have a long time ago, back when my dad died. Everything’s just gotten worse and worse and I can’t let it go on any longer.”

She can’t help it when her eyes glisten just a little but her heart is soaring right at this moment. “I’m proud of you, Harry. This is huge.”

He only nods in response as if he wants to brush it off, but Allie knows he feels the weight of it too.

“I didn’t mean what I said earlier either. You aren’t just a distraction, you’re… pretty much the only reason I’m getting through this right now.” She wants to remind him that he was the one who found the strength to do all of this, but he doesn’t let her. “I don’t know how it happened, but you’re my best friend, Pressman. I know I’m an asshole sometimes, but I hope you can forgive me.”

And she laughs, her heart feeling happier than it has in weeks. “I’m sure I’ll find a way.”

 

 

There’s only so much longer she can go before she runs into her cousin.

The same person who also happened to supply drugs to Harry.

She enters her house after playing video games with Harry and Grizz the whole afternoon and he’s there with his parents and Sam. Their families aren’t really that close, so it’s still a surprise to see them.

“Allie! How are you?” Her uncle asks first as everyone turns to look at her.

“I’m good thank you.”

“We were just saying that it’s been a long time since we all got together. We need to host a huge dinner or a BBQ or something!”

Allie loves her family, but the thought of being anywhere with Campbell right now makes her ball her fists. She can see him smirking at her from the corner of his eye like he knows and that makes her anger worse.

“Sounds like a great idea!” Campbell agrees way too enthusiastically, throwing his arm around Allie. Even Cassandra looks at her almost worried, and that explains everything that is wrong with her cousin.

They continue talking amongst themselves, and Allie turns to him. “Campbell, help me in the kitchen for a second please?”

No one seems to care or wonder why, only Sam who looks wary of this interaction, and so she leads him in. She isn’t sure what exactly she wants to say to him, doesn’t know how much he knows. A part of her wonders if he remembers New Ham or not, but there’s no way of knowing with someone like him.

“Where have you been all afternoon then, cousin? Someone keeping you company?” He questions, and she rolls her eyes.

“What does it matter to you?”

“How’s Harry doing these days? It’s been a while.”

She stops what she’s doing. He’s smiling now like he’s got her. She hates it.

“He’s doing good actually.” It isn’t a lie, because he’s better than he has been. Allie watches as Campbell’s eyes squint just a little, trying to judge if she knows about his addiction too. She likes having the upper hand.

“Tell him he always knows where to find me if he needs anything.”

Allie just stares right back at him. “He doesn’t need you for anything at all.”

In typical Campbell fashion, he just laughs. “Are you sure about that?” He leans forward and tilts his head, and she knows it’s to intimidate her. It doesn’t work.

“Very sure.” She emphasises, then pushes her chin up. “You’re going to leave him alone.”

“You know you don’t scare me, Allie.”

“ _You_ don’t know what I’m capable of.”

In his own twisted way, this just serves to interest Campbell. Now, he looks at her like he’s curious to know what it means. That’s how she knows he has no knowledge of New Ham. It’s a relief to her.

“Not so much of a shadow now, are you?”

 

***

 

“Wait, you did what?” Harry interrupts her conversation with Sam the next morning. They’re watching some football game with Grizz that they don’t care for so he’d taken the opportunity to ask what happened with Campbell.

Sam looks around sheepishly for exposing her. “Thank you for that.” She signs to Sam, away from Harry, and they both smile.

“I only spoke to him, Harry.”

Harry glances at Sam, who seems to get what he’s asking because he makes a hand movement to say it’s fine. “You can’t trust him. He gets inside your head and uses whatever he can to his advantage.”

She’s touched by his concern, but she gives him a dead pan expression. “He’s my cousin.”

Now it’s Harry’s turn to blankly look at her. “You really think that will change anything?”

She knows he’s right when she thinks back to when she had him arrested. Campbell found a way to turn a situation where he was handcuffed to make her feel almost powerless. He was smart, and that made him dangerous.

“I’m not disputing anything you’re saying,” Grizz starts, “but in New Ham we couldn’t avoid him. He thrived in a place like that because there were no rules, not until we made them at least. Now I think we’re good.”

Allie nods and agrees with what he’s saying, but it’s clear Harry and Sam don’t. “All I did was tell him to leave you alone. Me knowing is a risk to him and any risk here isn’t worth it.”

Harry sighs. “Just… don’t go out your way to antagonise him. Not for my sake please.”

Allie is about to tell him that she will as long as it means he doesn’t use Harry again, but he looks at her pleadingly. “Fine.”

She thinks the conversation will end there, but Sam speaks. “I haven’t told him about Grizz.”

Allie isn’t really too surprised. She already knows the relationship between the brothers is non-existent. She doesn’t think Sam would even want to talk to Campbell if he didn’t have to.

“I haven’t told him because I’m scared for him to find out.” Sam continues. “I don’t know what he’d do, or if he’d do anything at all. He’s unpredictable. He infects things. Just because he’s family doesn’t mean we can trust him.”

Allie feels sad for him at that moment, that he has to hide something as pure as finding someone else. “Do your parents know?” She asks instead, hoping that they do.

Sam smiles. “Yeah, Grizz met them for the first time the other day.”

“They aren’t too scary, are they?” She looks at Grizz.

“Speak for yourself.” He answers lightheartedly.

“I think it’s just all the Pressman family. I was overly worried to make a good impression.” Harry chimes in, and she can’t help but laugh.

“Not everyone can be as cute as your little sister.” She points out, and Harry just smiles fondly.

Ever since he started therapy, Allie had gone home with him a couple of times as ‘moral support’ he claims. His talks with his mom are still a little tight, but he also told her that’s something he’s working on in sessions. Harry does give his sister extra amount of attention though, and spoils her when he can. It makes Allie’s heart swell and she loves going, but she keeps that to herself.

“You’ve met Allie’s parents already?” Grizz asks Harry, who nods. She notices the look he then shares with Sam.

“What?” She demands.

“Nothing.” Grizz quickly responds. “Besides, I think I can take the win for worst parents. Mine are hardly here. They don’t even know I’m gay, or at least they like to pretend I’m not.”

“I’m sorry.” Allie offers, and he shrugs like it doesn’t matter to him.

“I like to think we choose our own families anyway. New Ham didn’t really give us a choice in that matter especially.”

She likes the idea of that herself.

Even in New Ham though, it was different. The only person she really could rely on was Will, who has now faded somewhere in the background of her life. They’re still friends, but it isn’t the same as it was. People like Grizz and Gordie and the others she trusted she considered more her confidants than her friends and only now does she understand that’s where she went wrong.

She prefers her family now.

 

***

 

Any theories or ideas on why they were sent back cease to exist. As far as they know, there is only four of them. It doesn’t make sense and they can’t seem to find any explanation as to why.

For now, they are content with it. The threat of maybe going back still haunts them sometimes, but time begins to erase the fear when it doesn’t seem to happen.

Allie begins to think that this will be it. Maybe it was a rare, weird, lucky coincidence for them all. She’s come to accept it, although she misses some of the bonds she formed with different people.

 

 

She's awake early. It’s around 7am, but she’s yet to move from her bed even though she can hear the sounds of Cassandra up and awake.

She reaches for her phone and sees her group chat with Harry, Grizz and Sam is active. They rarely feel the need to talk there, so her curiosity and worry looks immediately. She doesn’t expect the text she sees.

 

 **Harry:** Kelly remembers. All of it.

 

She watches the text bubble to indicate Sam is typing, but she doesn’t even know what to say.

None of it makes sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOM! another person added oooooo! why do you think kelly? why any of them? do you have any theories? *eyes emoji*  
> kudos + comments are always very much appreciated. the last comment posted on here actually inspired me to look at it again and begin writing if that says anything!


	8. Chapter 8

Allie walks to Kelly Aldrich’s house the same morning she receives the text from Harry.

There’s a message from Grizz asking if she needs a ride and she declines, which is probably against her best interest but she feels like she needs to clear her head. It’s chilly out, and Allie wears her bigger coat and a blue beanie. Her mind drifts back to New Ham, thinking about how they could have ever managed winter there with their food supply going. That makes her shiver more than cold.

She knows she should just be excited for Kelly’s return as someone she came to trust and rely on, and she is, but all Allie can do is just _worry_. What does this mean? Why had it taken a little longer? So far they had seemed to come back in pairs, so have they just not found the other person? Was this just a coincidence?

The overthinking doesn’t stop when she gets there.

First thing Allie can’t help but notice is how close Kelly and Harry are sitting. The weird feeling in her stomach gets left behind when Kelly brightens up when she sees her.

The brunette is quick to hug her tightly. The action results in Allie’s surprised laugh – she would have thought it would be her happy to see Kelly. Obviously she’s been around town like everyone else, but only this is the version of Kelly she remembers, the one she hasn’t seen in so long. “Allie, I’m so glad you’re okay now.”

“Hey, Kelly.”

Only when they pull back and Allie moves to sit by Sam do her words really hit her. “Wait, what do you mean you’re glad I’m okay now?” Her brows are furrowed as she thinks until she registers that Harry has probably caught her up to date with everything. That would include Dewey shooting her. “Oh. The bullet didn’t really do that much damage. It ached for a long time, but it’s healed. Just a nasty scar left.”

Now it’s Kelly’s turn to look confused. “Bullet? You got _shot_?”

It doesn’t seem like anyone actually understands what is happening. Allie looks to Harry for answers, who is already looking at Kelly.

“Okay, let’s circle back. What were you talking about?” Grizz asks Kelly, much to Allie’s relief.

“The last time I saw you, Allie… you were almost dead.”

“What?” Harry questions this time.

“It was after our thanksgiving dinner. Loads of people came to me and Gordie with the same symptoms. You’d been throwing up constantly. It hadn’t looked good. We were waiting to see if what we did helped overnight.”

The rest of them are speechless.

“Do you not remember?” Kelly asks, looking freaked out herself. Allie just shakes her head, so she tries to go into more detail like it will refresh her memory. “Will was sat by your side the entire time. I know because he started freaking out. You were talking about your parents. You said… you wanted to die.”

Kelly whispers the last bit, but it’s the part Allie focuses on. It rings in her ears.

“No. I don’t remember.” She says quietly. Allie refuses to look at anyone else, instead reverting her gaze to the floor, so she doesn’t know what they’re thinking.

It’s not even her. Allie doesn’t remember speaking those words or almost dying as Kelly describes, so why does this feel so personal?

Again, what does it mean? Had she died in New Ham? Had anyone else if there were many with symptoms like hers? Was it intentional? Does this mean that their world continued when she was in this one?

“What’s the last thing you all remember?” Kelly instead asks.

“I was with Sam. It was during the thanksgiving dinner.” Grizz answers, and Sam nods to show his answer is the same.

“I remember Allie coming into my room with the Guard.”

Allie tries to think if there was anything else she remembers, and realises there isn’t. Her answer is the same too. “Yeah. That’s the last thing I can think back to. It had been a little before thanksgiving.”

“Maybe thanksgiving is important.” Kelly offers.

“What, like some kind of expiration date? That’s when we start getting sent back?” Harry tries to expand on the idea.

“Maybe.”

Allie turns to see Sam signing, and then translates it out loud. “It looks like we come back with the last person we remember seeing, so who would that be for you? Then we can see if it stays true.”

Kelly tucks her hair behind her ear and actually looks nervous. Allie wonders if she’s going to say Will, but instead is surprised. “Becca.”

“The baby?” Sam asks.

“Is fine,” she confirms for him. “not that it matters now, does it? Is she still pregnant? I have no idea how this works.”

“She’s still pregnant.” Allie tells her. “It’s better though. Sam’s helping whilst he can, but she has her mom this time. She has professionals. Becca says she doesn’t care that no one knows who the father is now that she’s left school behind anyway, so the same people aren’t around her to judge. Not like New Ham, I guess. She looks a lot… less worried.”

Kelly smiles at this. “I did the best with what I could, but this is really good. I’m glad.”

“I’m sure you did great, Kel.” Harry reassures her.

She’d forgotten how close Harry and Kelly were. They were dating all throughout high school, and even though they’d drifted in New Ham she imagines they were still talking. It makes her heart sink just a little.

“So… you came back this morning?” Allie asks.

“No, I came back yesterday actually but I was so freaked out. I spent so long just with my parents, you know, wondering if this would be it or something. In the end I phoned Harry last night and could just tell he remembered, and so he came round and crashed here. I was a little all over the place trying to understand everything and he helped me out.”

Allie just nods.

This is how it’s going to be again – Harry and Kelly. Allie formed the relationship she had with Harry because they were the only ones who remembered, whereas he has actual history with Kelly.

She was there by chance.

It’s almost funny that she’s back to where she always is. Allie Pressman is never chosen first. She would have thought she had gotten used to it by now.

The only person who seems to have noticed her change in mood is Sam. “I think I should maybe talk to Becca then. Do you want to come?” He signs to her, giving her a distraction and an out of this conversation. She smiles in appreciation.

“No, it’s okay. You should go.” She tells him. “Um, I should probably see Will. I imagine you still want your time to get used to all this, and he obviously has no idea.”

“We actually broke up.” Kelly admits.

There would’ve been a time that Allie would secretly have been glad to hear that. Now, it doesn’t make her feel better at all. “In New Ham, maybe, but not here.”

The information seems to surprise Kelly. “Wait, you and Will aren’t…?”

Harry snorts.

“Nope.” She answers.

“But… we broke up because he’s in love with _you_ , Allie.”

Now she feels like she could laugh. There’s no way Allie could imagine that. She’d pined after him for years and he had never reciprocated anything. She remembers kissing him, the instant regret of doing so after seeing his reaction.

“Seriously?” Harry instead pipes up. “Can he not make up his fucking mind?”

“You probably misinterpreted it wrong, Kelly.”

“He stayed by your bedside the whole time you were ill. As soon as he thought you were going to die, I think it hit him. He does love you.”

It makes her think of Harry who stayed in the hospital when she had been shot. He hadn’t left according to her parents.

Now, he sits next to the girl he’s supposed to be with if there’s one thing high school taught her and it makes her recoil.

She doesn’t mean to snap at Kelly, but it kinda happens. “Well I almost died here when I got shot and we hardly talk, so I think you’ve got it wrong.”

Allie winces after when she sees how Kelly almost looks guilty, like she’s even capable of doing anything wrong in the first place. She hasn’t – this is on Allie and her tendency to always be so impulsive. She takes a glance around the room.

Harry and Kelly.

Grizz and Sam.

Allie feels like an outsider for not the first time in her life. She doesn’t want to spread her negativity anymore, so she stands up and gets ready to leave. “Um. I think I’m going to go… text me if you find anything else.”

She leaves as quick as she possibly can. A house as big as Kelly Aldrich’s can still feel claustrophobic, something she’s learnt today. Allie just wants to be home.

Of course, Harry has to follow her though. “Allie.” He calls after her, and she turns around. His hands are in his pockets and his cheeks are already a little red from the cold. She feels a pull to go towards him (she always does), but this time it’s different. There’s more distance between them. Distance she’s making up herself in her head. “What’s wrong?” He asks her, his head titled in concern.

“Nothing,” she tells him, and knows there’s no way he believes her from the way he looks at her. She just gives him a fake smile instead. “I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep too great.”

“Right.” He says. Allie sleeps better when Harry is there, that’s why. It’s an unspoken fact that neither of them seem to want to address.

Allie doesn’t laugh. Instead, her smile falters but she hides it immediately after. “I should go. I’ll see you later, Harry.”

 

 

***

 

 

Allie doesn’t really mean to start isolating herself. It just sort of happens (or that’s the excuse she tells herself.)

She isn’t back at school till the end of summer – her gunshot wound had meant she’d also had time off at the end of their year. As a result, that means Allie knows how to waste time. She’s watched every film she owns. She finds new recipes and tries to learn how to cook and still fails miserably. She reads more books. They’re all ones Harry has talked about before, but she puts that down to coincidence.

Allie picks up Lord of the Flies at one point and almost sends a picture of it to Harry with _‘I don’t condone burning books but this one I want to right now’_ because he gets her humour, but decides against it last minute. She sends it to Sam instead.

Their group chat has become more active now with the added members. Sam found out quickly that their theory was right and Becca had also come back to West Ham like the rest of them.

 

**Becca:** I just got back and found out that Allie was shot by Dewey and Sam is dating Grizz have I missed any other important life events I should know about

**Sam:** I don’t think either of those are out of the ordinary

 

She loves all of them and finds its endearing but she quickly becomes the person who reads the chat but doesn’t add anything.

 

 

When Allie makes the effort because she thinks maybe she’s overreacting, she comes to the same conclusion every time anyway. Everyone still talks to her like normal, but it’s Allie that doesn’t feel right. Even Becca has a bond with Kelly in a way she doesn’t understand, and her best friend has always been Sam.

Grizz is the one who seems to pick up on this, and he tries to bring her up into a conversation but all Allie wants to do is go home.

“You sure you don’t want to stay? We’re gonna order some pizza.” Grizz tells her as she’s by the door.

“No, it’s okay.” She politely declines.

“You sure?”

She just smiles, nods and then leaves. (She feels like that’s all she ever does lately.)

 

 

Allie does talk to Harry still. He’s in recovery, and she isn’t that bad of a person that she would just cut him off completely because she feels lonely and pathetic about everything else. Instead, she phones him at 2AM when she’s awake thinking of him and can regret the idea tomorrow.

“Allie?” he answers, groggily. “Is everything okay?”

“Hey. I’m sorry, I know I probably woke you up.”

“I mean, I’d prefer it if you called at a decent hour but I’m always happy to hear your voice, Pressman.” He teases.

Phone calls are easier because you can’t avoid someone or pay more attention to someone else. Right now, it’s just Allie and Harry. She pretends it’s back to that way.

“How are you, Harry?” She asks earnestly.

“I’m okay. Getting there. I don’t really feel the need to take pills anymore. It’s just… the rest. I guess.”

“I’m glad to hear you’re okay, though.”

“Where have you been anyway? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.” Harry pretends like he’s joking, but she knows him well enough to know he sounds hurt.

“Yeah, um, I’ve just been a little busy.”

“Busy.” He just repeats with no expression. He isn’t just hurt anymore, he’s pissed off at her. She knows she deserves it. “My therapist, you know, she’s really good.”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been identifying certain patterns I fall into so I can recognise them which makes it easier to change. One of them is isolation. When my dad died, I didn’t talk about it to anyone. When we were in New Ham, I didn’t tell anyone about the pills or any of it.”

“So what do you do now?”

“Remind myself of the people that do care about me. Try and be more open about it.”

Allie can’t help but feel like he’s aiming for something with this. “That’s good.”

“Yeah it is,” he responds. He’s quiet for a few minutes before he speaks again. “Did I do something?”

“No. Nothing.” She admits quickly, maybe way too quickly, and then feels worse. Allie doesn’t want to bring any negative feelings up and make Harry feel worse.

“And nothing’s going on? You’re always the one who says ‘you can talk to me’ and well, I’m saying the same to you.”

“Everything’s fine.”

He doesn’t say anything for a while, and it makes her mind race with the worst. Maybe he’ll just cut her off, decide she isn’t worth the struggle she’s causing him.

Finally, he sighs. “Alright. I just miss you, you know.”

Her tears sting with tears. “I miss you too.”

 

 

Grizz comes to her house at one point.

She opens the door and he’s there with a box of chocolates. “Now you can’t ignore me.”

It’s a smart trick because it works.

“I’m not ignoring you.”

He just fixes her a look, and she sighs.

“I’m not ignoring _you_.”

Grizz just nods, and leaves it at that. “What are we watching then?” He asks, pointing at the TV.  He doesn’t feel the need to push her to say anything because he knows she will if she wants to.

 

 

Allie decides she is going to try harder with Will. She had him as her person in both worlds, and she can’t just pretend like that didn’t happen.

She lets him cry on her shoulder about his sudden break up. “I’m sorry about Kelly.”

He sniffs, and Allie can’t help but feel sorry for him. Kelly coming back to West Ham with her prior knowledge of New Ham meant the news would’ve been really sudden for him. Will, who thought his relationship was going perfect. “I just don’t understand. She just left.”

She rubs his arm to comfort him a little although it doesn’t really seem to work. “She’s been hanging with Harry a lot again.” Will mutters. Her hand freezes for a split second, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “I guess it’s just always going to be them, isn’t it? I never had a chance.”

She then notices the difference between them.

Will is bitter about it. She can tell by the venom in his voice. The rejection still stings and his heart feels like it’s never going to mend and he pushes that into hating Harry.

Allie isn’t bitter. She doesn’t blame Kelly for anything at all.

If there’s just one word she would use to describe how she feels, it’s _sad_.

She wonders if there’s yet another universe where maybe things go her way for once.

 

 

It’s bad enough that even Cassandra notices.

 

“Everything alright, Allie?” She turns to her as they’re watching a film on Netflix.

Allie pauses. “Yeah, why?”

“I don’t know. You used to be out almost every day and now I never even see you leave the house. Did something happen?”

She doesn’t really know how to answer that, so she lies. “Maybe I just want time to myself.”

“You know that I know you’re lying.”  Cassandra says flatly, and it makes the corner of Allie’s lips twitch when it shouldn’t.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Why don’t you come out with me and Gordie sometime? We could get some food. Watch a film, you know, not at home.”

Now she just feels even more pathetic. “I don’t feel like third wheeling you guys. I’m sure Gordie doesn’t want that either.”

“No, I’ve wanted you to actually meet him properly for ages. Please?” She begs and Allie thinks about how she’d have to pretend like she didn’t really know Gordie. The same Gordie who helped her find her sister’s murderer.

“I’ll think about it.”

Cassandra looks almost a little nervous now, which is uncharacteristically like her. “You can always bring someone else, you know. We can make it a double date.”

Allie rolls her eyes and ignores the obvious person she’s trying to refer to. “No one to bring.” She just says, and Cassandra stares at her longer than she normally would, before turning her attention back to the TV.

 

It turns out she can’t avoid Gordie forever because Cassandra lies to her by saying the two of them should go out for lunch. Maths was never her thing, but there’s three of them and Allie glares at her sister.

“Hey, Gordie.” She greets, and tries not to think about how weird this is.

Gordie holds out the chair next to him for Cassandra and she kisses his cheek. It’s cute in a way that makes her yearn for the same thing.

“Allie, hi. I told Cassandra this place does the best food, you can both hold me to it.”

“Oh, I will.” She forces herself to joke back, trying to fall into the person she would have been before New Ham. The same girl who would be meeting her sister’s serious boyfriend for the first time outside of a quick glance in the corridor at school.

“I don’t know how you guys haven’t been. I’m pretty sure every time I’m here I see someone from school.”

Allie doesn’t find that comforting at all. “That’s probably why.”

It goes okay for the most part. There’s expressions and mannerisms of Gordie’s that she knows too well already and it throws her off completely, but she carries on.

She feels like she isn’t really there, like she’s looking down on herself talking and laughing and _pretending_. Allie just wants to feel present.

“I had a weird dream last night.” Gordie starts, and Cassandra jokingly rolls her eyes.

“Another one?”

“All our parents had disappeared. No one knew where they had gone. It was just… the rest of us, around our age.”

Allie nearly chokes on her food.

“I swear you’ve had one like that before.” Cassandra says, unbeknownst to Allie’s shock.

Gordie looks right at Allie. “Sometimes it feels like we’ve lived our dreams. Is that just me?”

“I know _exactly_ what you mean.”

 

Allie is frantic the whole time waiting for a moment to arise when she can talk to Gordie alone. Cassandra excuses herself to go to the toilet at one moment, and Allie feels like she’s about to explode with her questions.

“That wasn’t just a dream, was it?” She gets to the point first.

Gordie’s whole face lights up. “Allie,” he says, like he’s seeing her again for the first time. “when did you come back?”

“Not long before prom. What about you?” She questions, and wonders what that means for everyone else.

“I thought that maybe that was the case when everything went down with Dewey, but you still seemed the same with everyone.”

Allie repeats the words in her head. “Wait, that means… you’ve remembered New Ham since…”

“A little bit before Thanksgiving.”

The news comes as a complete shock to her. That means Gordie came back first – maybe weeks before her and Harry.

“And is there anyone else?”

“You’re the first person.”

Allie now feels incredibly sad for him. She couldn’t imagine going that long being the only person aware of what had happened to all of them.

“There’s a few of us, Gordie.” She spots her sister coming back from the corner of her eye. “If you can, try and meet me later.”

“Please tell me you didn’t share any embarrassing stories of me.” Cassandra begs as she sits back down.

Gordie nods at Allie discreetly.

“Not at all.”

 

 

Allie feels extremely weird about almost sneaking behind Cassandra’s back to meet her boyfriend. It’s almost funny.

It’s around 7pm, and she knows everyone is at Grizz’s house so she takes Gordie with her.

“Are you not going to tell me who?”

Allie smiles. “No, I feel like the surprise is better.”

“Really, Allie?”

She bumps his shoulder as they walk and laughs.

“You know, I… I still can’t believe Cassandra is back. She’s really here.” Gordie states in amazement.

“I know.” Allie replies, and means it with her every part of her and is glad someone can share that same feeling.

It’s really good to have Gordie back too.

 

It’s also just as funny to her to see the looks on everyone else’s faces when they see him.

Becca raises her eyebrows. Grizz looks around like the others have any idea what is going on. Sam waves awkwardly. Kelly looks like she’s hesitant to say anything.

“Um, Allie?” Harry pointedly asks, but he may as well have asked _what are you doing?_

“Holy shit.” Gordie breathes.

“Told you I wasn’t the only one.” She whispers to him only.

 “Gordie..” Kelly starts, a lingering question in the air. Allie nods, and then she jumps up from her seat to hug him. “I’ve been hoping you would come back next. I have so much to ask – did everything go okay? At the hospital? Did you figure out what it was making everyone so sick?”

“ _What?”_

“Okay, that’s my fault. Guys, Gordie was the first person back. At least we think.”

Everyone else seems just as surprised by this.

“What? When?” Becca speaks first.

“I don’t know. There wasn’t really anything I remembered specifically, I’ve tried to wrack my brain but I can’t. I know we were gearing up for Thanksgiving and Allie wanted a huge dinner, but that’s kind of it.”

“You don’t… have a last memory of something? Or someone, I should say?”

“No?”

“And no one came back with you?”

“No. Allie’s the first person I’ve met that actually remembered it. I thought I was going crazy.”

“That just throws whatever theory we might have had out the window.” Grizz says matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, but we have Gordie now. The same Gordie who was leading the Committee on Going Home. If there’s anyone I think can figure this out, it’s him.”

Allie doesn’t remember the last time she felt she had to inspire a group of people and make them have some hope, but all of them seem to agree with her and nod and maybe she hasn’t lost whatever skill she had as leader.

They all welcome Gordie into the group, and she doesn’t feel quite so alone for once. He asks a lot of questions, and Allie takes a moment to find something to snack on as she’s in the kitchen.

She’s still searching when Harry joins her. He leans against the side and obviously notices what she’s struggling for.

“The Cheetos are in that cupboard there.” Harry speaks from behind her.

 “You’re a life saver.” She gets the packet and turns around to face him with a smile on her face. Allie notices there’s something off about him though. She can’t read his facial expression like she normally can.

“They’ve been there a while. I stacked up on them a few weeks ago for you.”

“Oh,” is all she says. That seems to just anger him more. He scoffs to himself, and she knows she can’t get out of whatever this confrontation is going to be.

“What’s going on, Allie?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Harry shakes his head. “No, you know exactly what I mean. You can’t just come around with Gordie acting like everything’s fine when you’ve been ignoring my texts and avoiding me for weeks now.”

She looks away – anywhere but at him. He looks hurt, angry, disappointed and it’s all justifiable but Allie hates seeing him look at her like that. “I’m sorry.” She mumbles, like it will solve this problem.

“You’re… sorry? That’s it? That’s all you have to fucking say?”

She rubs her forehead with her hand anxiously. “Look, you have Kelly now. Sam has Grizz and Becca has her baby and I don’t fit in _anywhere_. That’s fine, I’ve made my peace with it, so let’s just move on.”

Allie goes to walk past him but he holds onto her arm. He’s looking at her almost bewilderedly.

“That’s really what you think?”

“It’s always been you and Kelly. Everyone knows that.”

There’s an underlying message behind her words. The truth that she hasn’t admitted to herself out loud about what (or more specifically, _who_ ) she wants. Allie has no desire to put herself out there ever again, not when she’s done that before with Will and was rejected harshly, so she suppressed any feeling she ever felt.

Harry Bingham stops her from doing so when he’s standing so close to her and looking at her like _that_.

“If you would have been around, you’d know that Kel and Becca have their own thing going on.”

“What?”

The anger seems to have subsided now, because Harry’s holding back his own smile at her confusion. “Apparently they had gotten close as Kelly was helping her with the baby. The last memory they each have is when Becca came into the clinic. Kelly held onto her shoulders and reminded her to breathe.”

“Oh.” Allie says.

“ _Oh_.” Harry repeats.

Kelly and Becca.

That’s another pairing Allie never would have thought would happen. They are, though, two of the sweetest girls she’s ever met and it feels right that it is them.

The information eases the tension on her shoulders and it’s only then she realises she was jealous of Kelly, not for the first time.

It makes her feel silly.

“Yeah, I’ve been fifth wheeling for weeks and you just left me to it. Thanks, Pressman.”

She laughs, and it echoes all around her because she’s missed this. Him.

“Will you kill me if I say I’m sorry again?” She teases.

He sighs and acts like he’s contemplating it. “I’ll let you off.” Harry messes up the top of her hair despite her trying to tap his hand away. “Just don’t do that again.”

“I won’t.”

“Seriously, you’re _my_ person. I don’t know how I’m supposed to manage in this place without you.”

She’s his person. Allie doesn’t think he knows what that actually means to her – the girl who is always forgotten, or chosen second. As always, she’s better at showing than telling, so she wraps her arms around him tight.

 

“You guys finally made up then.” Grizz is the one to point out when Harry and Allie are smiling and talking amongst themselves.

“Thank fuck. I’m sick of Harry’s whining.” Becca chimes in. It’s now that Allie notices how Kelly sits close to her, and her eyes light up when the brunette speaks.

“Fuck off.” Harry says lightheartedly. It’s so much more different to New Ham, where people like Becca, Sam and Grizz wouldn’t talk to Harry, yet alone consider them friends. It’s a comparison that makes her a lot happier.

“I swear to God, the first thing your baby says is gonna be fuck.” Kelly says, and Harry has the nerve to look proud of that.

“I hope so.” Becca adds, beaming.

“See, this is exactly what you were missing out on.” Harry says to Allie only. She looks up at the boy next to her who makes her heart flutter in her chest more than she cares to admit.

“I don’t know how I managed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's only one chapter left now guys! let me know your thoughts and if there's anything in particular you'd like to see.   
> i'm sure most of you have figured out the ~mystery~ by now but that will be concluded next chapter + we'll get some of the good ol' Everyone Thinks They're Dating But Them trope because the idiots are too stupid to admit their feelings!!!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry it took this long [insert every excuse there is] but here is the final chapter. writing about allie and harry trying to move on with their lives despite everything they've been through was actually quite healing for me too, so this one is possibly my favourite. i hope you all enjoy!

So much changes in a few months.

 

Allie says goodbye to Cassandra who heads off to Yale to use all her smarts on more than just leading a group of unsupervised teenagers who don’t appreciate her. They watch the movies they’ve always loved together, they have a big family dinner, and at one point Allie even gets out the old photos of them to point and laugh at.

“You don’t seem as upset as I thought you might be.” Harry tells her later on as she phones him (it’s an unspoken rule that they don’t go to sleep without phoning each other first). She leans on Cassandra’s door looking at the mostly vacant room. It’s a strange feeling, not having her sister lying on her bed in front of her, usually holding a book or typing furiously on her laptop for another project. She didn’t think she would have to get used to the situation again.

 “I’m not. I mean, I’m going to miss her, of course, I…”

Harry seems to sense she’s struggling for the words to say. “You’re happy for her.”

Allie nods, not that he can see, and ignores the tears in her eyes because she isn’t sad, she doesn’t know how to feel. “She’s going to Yale and getting to do everything she wanted. It isn’t just some tragic story this time, you know?”

“I know,” is all Harry says, and it’s comforting enough, to have someone who just understands her and what’s she feeling. It’s comforting, but it also brings an ache because she just wants to see him and rest her head on his shoulder and feel the kind of _okay_ she always feels around him.

“What are you doing right now?” She asks.

“Nothing, why?”

“Do you want to come round?”

It’s nearly 11pm, and so she doesn’t expect a definite yes. But it’s Harry, and she should have anticipated his answer. “I’ll be 10 minutes.”

 

*

 

It throws everyone off their guard when Gordie leaves too.

Everyone is sat around at Grizz’s house, which somehow become their designated place, when he tells them he has an announcement.

“I’m going to stay with Cassandra.”

Allie’s hands that were holding her mug of tea freeze. “You’re what?” She glances at Harry, who looks just as confused as her.

“You know like, she’s been gone for 2 weeks right?” Sam signs and Becca fails to hide her laugh as she translates for Gordie.

“I know, and I also know this is maybe a rash decision, but I don’t want to do any longer. Cassandra’s… she’s _it_ for me.”

 “And you’ve spoken to Cassandra?”

He nods and manages to look so nervous and sure of himself at the same time that it makes Allie smile.

“Well… Connecticut will be lucky to have you.”

“Thanks, Allie.”

“Man, I don’t know what we’re going to do without you here.” Grizz says, and everyone seems to be in agreement. He was the last person to enter their group (Becca calls them the Post New Ham Support Gang much to everyone’s dismay) but it felt like he’d always been there.

She distinctly remembers running into the house one night with Harry after they decided to go to a party that Clark was having. They’d left early though after a shared mutual look of boredom, not realising it was raining heavily. She was holding Harry’s jacket above her head for some cover as he trailed behind and she laughing way too loudly considering it was 1 in the morning.

Harry, the sober one, was shushing her, and maybe Allie had a few more drinks than she thought because she was yelling, “you shush!”

This in turn made Harry laugh, but they were both quietened by Gordie’s voice.

“Do I even want to know?” He’d asked, sitting at the table with pictures and documents scattered in front of him. At the time, she went off, giggling some more. It wasn’t till the morning after she really understood that he’d been up trying to solve everything – why they had ever left on the bus that day, why they had come back. Gordie was always trying for all of them.

In a way, she was glad he wouldn’t feel like he had to anymore. He could be with Cassandra, maybe even get into Yale the following year because he was smart enough for sure, or whatever he wanted.

He didn’t need to spend his days looking for answers they knew they’d never find.

 

*

 

Harry’s recovery is still ongoing, but he has more good days than bad.

He moves back home. (He still spends most nights at Allie’s or stays at Grizz’s house so there isn’t much difference in her eyes.)

His recovery has been going really well and this choice shows just how much. He seems a lot happier for it though, and his relationship with his mother is doing better, and that’s all that matters.

Allie also gets to spend more time with his little sister, who she adores. “Please tell me they end up together.” She groans, leaning into Allie dramatically as they watch Love, Rosie. She’s going through her phase of watching every rom com available, which Harry hates, but Allie loves, so it works out perfectly.

“Hopefully soon because I want to watch something else.”

“Shut up, Harry.” She retaliates. Allie laughs, and Harry pretends to be hurt.

“Allie Pressman, you can’t be enjoying this. You disappoint me.”

“Yes, she is. It has Sam Claflin so she has to be.”

“Your sister makes a great point.”

“Him? Really?” Harry points at the TV, scoffing.

“Duh. Even in Allie’s world, you’d come second to Sam Claflin.”

Harry turns to look at Allie next to him like he’s waiting for her confirmation of the fact.

“It’s a close call,” is what she says, but she hates the truth she knows, because Harry Bingham is always first for her out of everyone. But like with everything Harry related and her feelings towards the boy, she pushes it down and avoids it. “I’m going to get some more popcorn.”

 

*

 

Campbell tries once more to give him pills, and Allie sees red.

They’re at a family dinner because it’s Sam and Campbell’s dad’s birthday. Allie brings Harry because, well, she always does. Campbell doesn’t always even turn up to family events, so Allie had ignored that detail in her mind. She hates herself for it.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t West Ham’s shining couple,” is how he greets them, sporting his usual arrogant smirk. Allie immediately tenses at his presence, but Harry notably doesn’t. Instead, he’s the one who places his hand on her back as if to calm her down. “How are you both?”

“What do you want, Campbell?” Allie spits out, because the last thing she wants to do is entertain him in one of his games.

“Someone’s fired up today,” he just laughs, “how about you, Harry? I don’t suppose you need anything from me?”

All three of them know exactly what he means.

Allie feels like she could kill him, but Harry speaks before she can. It’s probably a good thing too, as she would have definitely made a scene.

“I don’t. I already have everything I need.” He glances over at Allie so quickly, but she catches it anyway.

Campbell’s actually quiet for a moment as he seems to watch Harry closely. There’s nothing he does without it being calculated and purposeful and it makes her hate him even more.

“Well, far be it from me to stand in the way.” He just says, acting way too cheerful, before leaving them alone.

“I still don’t trust him.” Allie turns to Harry and whispers. He moves his hand and is now rubbing circles onto her wrist and the touch is making her heart flutter.

“You don’t need to. Do you trust me?”

“Of course.” She answers without hesitation. He’s her best friend and the person she’s probably closest to but the admission seems to take them both by surprise.

He takes a gulp. “Then that’s all you need. I’m not taking anything else from him. Not again.”

She knows there’s always a possibility it could happen – she’s done enough research when she tried to find what she could to help Harry that relapses are common. There’s something about the certainty in his tone that makes her believe him though.

“I’m proud of you.” She tells him. He doesn’t answer, because Harry is the most charismatic boy she has ever met who will flirt and bicker like it’s his second nature, but he doesn’t know how to respond in these moments. He squeezes her hand though, and that’s all she needs to know about his appreciation.

 

 

She meets Elle at the dinner too.

Campbell brings her, introduces her as his date.

There’s something that doesn’t sit right with Allie as she notices how uncomfortable the girl looks. If it were anyone else, she might chalk it down to being shy, but it’s Campbell, and so she’s sceptical.

Allie doesn’t know Elle well. In every version of her town she’d been in, she stays to herself. She vaguely remembers Kelly telling her it was Elle who helped plan a movie night for her town though, and she wonders how a girl who could think about doing something for everybody else could end up with Campbell. That’s what makes her go over to her as she sits on the edge, mostly out of sight of everyone.

“Elle, right?” Allie starts.

She looks surprised that anyone has even approached her. “Yeah. Is it Allie?”

Allie nods and gives her a genuine smile. “I hope you aren’t finding this dinner too awkward.”

Elle tucks her hair behind her ear. “Yeah, well, Campbell didn’t want to come so he made me instead so he could stomach it.”

Allie frowns because the words just don’t seem right. “Did you not have any other plans instead?”

“Oh, no. I, um, don’t really have many friends here to be honest.”

It makes her heart sink a little. Maybe that’s all it takes for Campbell to find his way into someone’s life. Just one weakness and he can exploit it.

She thinks about how this happened in New Ham too, and she’d done nothing to help then. The thought surges her into action, and she refuses to let herself make the same mistake.

Allie retrieves her phone from her back pocket and asks Elle to enter her number. “Do you know Becca Gelb or Kelly Aldrich?”

“Um, not really? I know them from school, that’s about it.”

“We try and do movie nights every Tuesday. I don’t know how it started, but it’s kinda tradition now. You should come.”

Elle opens her mouth and closes it several times before finally saying anything. “Really? You sure?”

“Definitely. I get tired of third wheeling anyway, you’ll be saving me.”

Elle laughs, and Allie decides she already likes her.

“You won’t be thanking me when the arguments over what to watch start. My suggestions always get ignored.”

“That’s because your taste is just awful, Allie.” Harry says. She turns her head to roll her eyes as he comes to stand next to her.

“It’s not!” She exclaims, hitting him on the chest. “Elle, this is Harry Bingham. Harry, meet Elle.”

Allie notices how Elle seems to draw back into herself a little again. “Hi.”

Harry nods her way politely, and Allie already knows what Elle’s thinking. “I promise he’s not the asshole you remember at school. I mean, he kinda is, but not like that anymore.”

“Is this how you introduce me to everyone?” Harry questions incredulously, and Allie can’t help but laugh.

“It should be.”

“No, but I get it. People can change easily. It’s better if it’s for good.” Elle comments, and it seems like she’s referring to something personal.

“She is definitely going to get along with Kelly.” Harry says, and Allie finds herself nodding. If there’s one word to describe Kelly Aldrich, it’s kind, and kindness is what someone like Elle needs.

“So, um, what are you guys doing now? You finished school this year, right?” Elle prompts, trying to add to the conversation. Allie appreciates her trying, especially as she seems the quite type of person who would prefer the other to do so.

Not too long ago the question would’ve sent Harry into a spiral – she remembers that all too well.

“I’m helping out my mom in her job for the time being, but I want to get into acting as soon as I can.”

 

It had been 3 in the morning on a random Thursday when he had woken her up to tell her this. He seemed so nervous and excited and it made Allie feel all the same.

 

_“Where has this come from?” She’d asked him, her voice groggy._

_“I always had perfect grades and the expectations were that I’d go to a top university and I don’t know, become a fucking lawyer, like that was me, but you know what I actually enjoyed doing most? Those stupid school plays.”_

_She’d paused to think over what he was saying. It was a hard career to get into, and she didn’t want him to just be making a rash decision because he’d been struggling to think of what he wanted to do._

_“You’re serious about this?” She’d questioned gently, just needing the confirmation from him._

_“Yeah, Allie. I am.” And that’s all she’d needed to hear before congratulating him._

_“I can tell you are just because you used my first name instead of my last,” she laughs. “Okay, Bingham. I’m going to remember this conversation so I can recall it to all your fans when you become a big shot actor.”_

“Acting?” Elle asks, surprised but without judgement. There’s usually a lot of that in a small town like theirs.

“Yeah. He has the face for it.” Allie gestures to his messy curls, his perfect jawline, and the sunglasses he’s currently sporting.

“And I’m still trying to convince her to go into stage directing or something but she won’t listen.”

“You and Becca both.”

Becca had decided years ago she’d wanted to be a photographer. After everything settles down with her baby, she’s sure she’ll throw herself into it. Instead, she has all the free time to push Allie into this.

“What about you, Elle?”

The girl in question glances at Campbell and quietly sighs. “I don’t know. I’m sorry, I should go. Campbell’s waiting.”

Allie and Harry both notice and share a meaningful look, but it’s him who speaks. “Just, uh, be careful around him.”

 “I will.”

 

 

Allie stays true to her word and Elle joins them every Tuesday night.

It’s not even the slightest bit awkward when she first joins. Elle fits into their group like she’s always belonged there, and when Allie hears her laugh and join in with the conversation with ease she can let herself relax just a little.

She starts hanging out with everyone in their group. Elle takes up a weird friendship with Grizz in particular and it isn’t a strange sight to see them both sat quietly playing board games.

“Fucking nerds.” Becca will always say in passing.

“We’ll see when I teach your daughter how to kick ass at Monopoly.” Grizz comments back.

She has to take a moment sometimes to step back and remind herself this is her life now because it’s so damn weird.

 

*

 

Becca has her baby. A beautiful girl named Eden, delivered by actual professionals, not two frightened teenagers who had to learn as much as they could in a short amount of time.

Allie can’t stop smiling as she holds her, as she looks at her friend and feels a sense of pride and admiration rush over her. It’s moments like this that Allie knows she will remember forever. “This is amazing. You’re amazing."

“Thanks, Allie. You know I’m so happy I get to raise her here, but I’m just saying it would’ve been badass if she grew up only knowing you as the leader of us all.”

Allie actually laughs – it’s rare that the thought of New Ham can do so, but that’s Becca Gelb.

“I’m glad she doesn’t have to.” She replies, almost bittersweet.

“I don’t know if Harry told you, although I’m sure he did because it’s you two, but the last memory I had of New Ham was of Kelly.”

“Yeah, he said you were freaking out or something.”

“That’s an understatement. I was on the verge of a panic attack, thinking about how I was going to have to raise this baby by myself when I didn’t know the first thing about being a mother. Kelly calmed me down. She stayed by my side the rest of the night, holding my hand and told me it was going to be alright. I guess she was right, wasn’t she?”

Allie smiles. “Kelly always is.”

“Always is what?” The girl asks herself.

“Always is listening to others conversations,” Becca answers, somehow brightening up just by her presence. “Hi,” she greets, kissing her girlfriend. (It’s still a couple that surprises her all the time – but she doesn’t think she knows two people better for each other and it makes her heart swell.)

Allie’s phone buzzes and she sees it’s from Harry.

 **Harry:** guess what sam and grizz instantly said yes to my cinema plans unlike you suddenly I don’t know an allie?

She rolls her eyes but can’t help her amusement. He’d been begging her to see this new horror film with him for weeks, but she had refused because she wasn’t really one for the genre (she’d had enough of being scared for a lifetime, thank you very much). Allie looks back up at Kelly and Becca who are both looking at her expectantly.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” She grimaces, feeling rude.

They both just seem to smirk to each other knowingly though which makes Allie squirm in her seat. “That’s definitely the Harry Bingham smile.”

Allie opens her mouth to deny, and then closes it because she can’t.

“I knew it!” Becca exclaims, and looks way too happy with herself that it makes Allie’s cheeks heat up.

“Sam and Grizz agreed to go to the cinema with him, so I’m actually smiling because he’ll stop asking me now. Don’t make this into something it isn’t.” She points her finger accusingly, because Becca has a new habit of trying to push the _‘Hallie agenda’_ (she had no involvement with this name either). It’s annoying, but Allie secretly loves just having girl friends who can tease her about things like this now because she’d become used to only having her sister, which is a little lame in her eyes even if she loves her, and Will, who she used to have a crush on anyway.

She’d never tell Becca this, of course.

“Why don’t you go?” Kelly pushes, but her smile is less teasing and more warm and it somehow makes Allie think she’s doing something wrong if Kelly Aldrich thinks it’s a good idea to go.

“No, thanks.”

“Why not? Could be a fun double date?” Becca adds, much less subtle than Kelly and much to Allie’s dismay.

“Yeah, no.”

“Come on, Allie. You two are practically dating without the dating part already.” Allie baulks at this, and Becca takes this as a means to go on rather than stop. “You’re inseparable. You call every night before you go to sleep, do everything together-“

“I’m not going to the cinema.”

Becca glares at her for interrupting. “You spend more time with his family than I have with Kel’s and we’re the ones dating.”

“Yeah well, we’re friends.” She says, not meaning to sound so defensive. Becca just gives her the most deadpan expression she thinks she’s ever seen. “Even if I thought there was some sense to what you were saying, and that’s an if, he doesn’t think of me like that.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Becca replies, and Allie finds herself wanting to ask her more, but now her phone is ringing and it’s her mom this time. Before Allie can excuse herself, Becca is just laughing. “Go, run away from this conversation.”

 

 

Allie finds out saying no to Harry Bingham is impossible.

She ends up going to watch the film she said she wouldn’t. The conversation with Becca and Kelly still weighs on her mind though, and she ends up impulsively inviting Will. She had said she wanted to bring their friendship back after all. (It also meant no one would think of it as a double date, and her anxiety could die down a little.)

“Allie!” Harry smiles wider when he sees her arrive, but doesn’t even try to hide his frown when he sees Will in tow. It’s an almost comical reaction, but she hadn’t told him he was coming because she knew he’d complain so she now feels slightly bad at ruining his mood.

“Harry.” Will greets stiffly, and Harry just looks at Allie.

“Will wanted to see the film too, so I said he could come.” She offers, with a very weak smile. Harry just nods, and it’s so painfully awkward that Allie debates feigning sick so she can go home, but Sam and Grizz arrive and seem to relieve some tension.

“Sam… and Grizz?” Will leans in to whisper to Allie, and she ignores Harry’s pointed gaze burning into them.

“Yeah, you missed a lot.”

Now it’s Will’s turn to look between her and Harry. “Clearly.”

To make things worse, Allie has to sit right in the middle of them through it all.

Will decides to go to the toilet before it starts. Allie takes this moment to turn to Harry. “I know you don’t like Will, but can you just try?”

“I promise you, Allie, no matter how much I try, I can’t even pretend to like Will LeClair.”

“Don’t be so dramatic.” She tries poking fun at him, but he just looks irritated.

“You should’ve told me he was coming.”

Allie knows he’s right, but she doesn’t want to admit it. There’s a lot of things she has yet to admit to Harry.

“What, so you could not come?”

She sees the corner of his lips turn up, and knows he can’t be that mad with her. It makes her more relieved than she’d think.

“Harry, he’s my friend. Please, just try for me.”

She doesn’t know if it’s the confirmation that Will is there only as a friend, her asking to him to try for her sake only, or maybe he just doesn’t want to listen to her beg any more, and so he mutters something she can’t hear under his breath although it sounds a lot like ‘ _fucking Will_ ’ but he agrees nevertheless. “You owe me, Pressman.”

Her face lights up, and he looks far less annoyed about his choice after at least.

In fact, when Will comes back, Harry goes as far to offer some popcorn to him and ask him how his day went. Will looks more shocked than she’s ever seen him, and she has to suppress a laugh.

“Dude must really like you.” He tells her quietly, and Allie just raises her eyebrows in question. “He’s never put any effort in with me ever, even when Kelly would try to get him to.”

“That’s because you kinda dated his ex girlfriend straight after their breakup.” She teases.

“And yet it didn’t stop him just then, I’m guessing that’s down to you.”

“Please tell me you guys aren’t the type to talk the whole way through because I will definitely move.” Grizz speaks, and stops their conversation altogether.

“Sorry, Grizz.”

She wonders what she would have thought if you told her that she would be hanging out with Grizz, Sam, Harry and Will together a couple of years ago.

She probably would have laughed.

 

* 

 

Harry visits his dad’s grave. He hasn’t been since he first passed, but it should be his birthday today and Harry wants to go so Allie goes too for support.

It takes about 5 minutes for them to actually get out the car. Harry’s staring out the front window, except he isn’t really looking at anything at all. His eyes are vacant, and she knows he hadn’t slept all night from the tired expression. She gives him the quiet, the time to prepare (not that you can ever prepare for anything like this).

He looks over at Allie finally, and she offers him a small smile and a nod to reassure him he can do this, and then they go.

She trails far behind when he actually goes. She can hear him faintly talking but can’t make anything out, not that she wants to. This is the first moment Harry has probably gotten with his dad since it all. She hopes it brings him some comfort.

Neither of them know how long has passed when he walks back over to her, his hands in his coat pockets. She can’t make out the expression on his face. “All good?” She asks first.

“Yeah.” He answers, and they start walking slowly. “Talked to him about you, you know.”

Whatever Allie was expecting him to say, that wasn’t it. “You did?” She just questions.

“I wish he’d gotten to meet you. You know, properly.”

Allie only has a vague memory of Harry’s dad. Everyone in the town knew him and loved him. She’s sure she would have to by the way Harry speaks of him fondly.

“Me too.” She replies, resting her head on his shoulder and tucking her arm in his.

“Do you want to stay at mine tonight?”

Allie knows what he really means: _I don’t want to be alone._ And so, she agrees instantly.

They enter the warmth of his car once again, and before he can start the car she just wants to check with him. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

 

 *

 

Campbell is even worse than they thought. They didn’t think that was actually possible.

They’re having their usual girls night. Eden was declared as the newest member when she was born, and they spend more time fussing over her than watching any movie. She’s asleep now though, and they’re all watching the TV peacefully.

Elle’s attention keeps getting moved by her phone though. It’s rung twice, and Allie notices the stream of messages that keep lighting up the screen. “I’m sorry, guys.” She apologises to them, like it’s her fault.

“Is everything alright?” Allie asks tentatively, and Elle starts playing with the ends of her hoodie.

“Yeah, it’s just Campbell.”

“If Harry can survive one night without Allie, I’m sure Campbell can let you off too.” Becca chimes in.

“Shut up, Becca.” Allie retorts, which only makes Becca laugh even more.

“No, I think I should go.” Elle says, standing with sudden urgency. Kelly pauses the movie and they all look up at the girl in surprise. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Kelly insists, and Elle just shakes her head.

“No, I don’t want him to get mad.”

Allie’s concern for her friend starts to skyrocket at this point – something doesn’t feel right. She can’t think of any time in her life when she’s been scared of someone getting mad at her.

“Elle, this is your time. If he gets mad about you not spending every minute with him, that’s not right.” She tries to tell her.

People don’t crumble. Things, objects – they crumble. The way Elle sits in the chair furthest away from them all and bursts into tears whilst holding her face in her hands makes her realise that was a lie.

She looks smaller than she’s ever seen her. Her own heart shatters.

Allie very slowly makes her way over to Elle so as not to overwhelm her and sits by her side. “Elle,” she gently encourages her.

She lifts up the arm of the hoodie she’s wearing.

There’s scars. Bruises, Something that resembles a bite mark.

Allie sucks in a sharp breath.

“He likes to see me in pain. He likes to see me scared… and I am. I am scared all the time.”

Her throat burns with the tears that demand to be shed but she refuses to let them, because helping Elle is her priority now. There is where her role as mayor has helped her. She can numb every thing she’s feeling, and find a solution. She has to.

“Okay, you’re not going back to him. None of us here are going to allow it.” Becca and Kelly nod furiously, the two of them looking as heartbroken as she feels.

“He knows where I live, Allie.”

“Then you can stay with me tonight, alright? You’ll be safe. I promise.”

 

Allie gives Elle some of Cassandra’s clothes to change into. She checks her phone as she waits and sees a few messages from Kelly and Becca to both her and Elle. There’s one from Harry too telling her to have a good night and she feels like crying just reading it.

Elle comes out and sits on Cassandra’s bed. She looks exhausted and wide awake at the same time.

“How am I going to get out of this?” She asks, as if there is no hope.

“You want my honest opinion? I think as soon as Campbell realises that anyone else knows, he’s going to stop. If he doesn’t, he can by all means get a criminal record. I’m sure I know which he’ll go for.” If Allie knows one thing about her cousin, it’s that he’s smart.

“Do you think I should tell his parents or something? I just don’t want him hurting anyone else.”

“I think that’s up to you, Elle. I also think that you’ve been through enough and right now, you should get some sleep.”

She gives in easily and Allie waits for her to get comfortable before turning to leave. “Wait, Allie,” Elle stops her, and Allie turns around. “Thank you. Not just for tonight, but for everything.”

The burning in her throat is back and Allie quickly nods. “Of course. Goodnight, Elle.”

She closes the door, and gently rests her head against it. Her shoulders ache with the responsibility of it – she should have known. The signs were there. She knew how he manipulated Harry. She should’ve _known_.

Allie goes downstairs, every movement feeling heavy, and she looks for her mother who isn’t there. There’s a note on the fridge that tells her that her parents are out for dinner.

She’s spent all evening with her friend who has been abused by her cousin without her even knowing and this is what tips her over the edge and makes the tears fall.

Her phone buzzes again and she sees it’s a text from Harry but she doesn’t even read it, just presses the call button through her blurred vision.

“Finally, I can’t believe you’ve left me on read all night. Seriously, Pressman, that’s cold even for-“

“Harry.” She interrupts him, sniffling.

He immediately stops his rambling. “What’s happened? Are you alright?”

She doesn’t know how to even reply to that, and instead his concern just makes her cry even more.

“Okay, are you at home? I’m coming round.”

His words stop her. “You-you can’t.”

She can’t do that to Elle. She promised her that she would feel safe in Allie’s house and though Harry makes Allie more safe than anyone else, she can’t assume Elle would feel the same. She’s just told Allie something she’s kept from everyone else, and she wants her to feel like she can be open about it. With Harry there, that’s not going to be able to work.

Allie doesn’t know how to expand on that and she knows Harry must have a lot of questions, but instead he just asks, “what can I do?”

“I don’t know. Can you just… talk? About anything?”

And he does. He tells her about his day, not missing a single detail. He recalls stories about his sister. He tells her about a new show he’s watching that he swears is the best.

He doesn’t stop until he knows she’s fast asleep because she doesn’t respond to anything he’s saying, not even when he calls her name.

 

*

 

The next days that follow were tough. The weeks after are easier though. Better. Elle doesn’t like to talk much about it, but Allie takes comfort in the fact that she knows she can with any of them.

Elle hasn’t seen Campbell since, and she looks so much happier for it.

Allie hopes she at least made Cassandra proud with how she handled it.

 

*

 

**Elle has been added to the group ‘Post New Ham Support Gang’**

**Elle:** I don’t get the name

 **Becca:** oh haha it’s just an inside joke you’ll get it one day

 **Elle:** okay??

**Becca changed the group name to ‘The Hallie Agenda’**

**Allie:** sometimes i just hate you

 **Sam:** I love it

 **Grizz:** Me too

 **Elle:** I still don’t get it

 **Becca:** Hallie = Harry + Allie

 **Elle:** …yeah?

          But like what’s the agenda

 **Becca:** I’m trying to make Hallie happen

 **Elle:** Wait what do you mean? Are they not already a thing?

 **Becca:** omg

            I can’t tell if you’re serious or not

 **Elle:** I am… but I’m guessing I’ve just found I’ve been wrong this whole time

 **Harry:** thanks Becca is never going to live that down

 **Kelly:** it’s true she’s been laughing non stop

 **Allie:** how do i leave this chat

 

*

 

Allie starts telling herself she should be proud of how far she’s come too.

Sometimes she wakes up in a panic and the first thing she does is facetime Cassandra to remind herself that she’s there and she’s alive and safe. She stays on call till her heart rate slows down to normal and her hands don’t seem to be shaking anymore. Those days get fewer and fewer.

She has weird moments too. She’ll be shopping for her Christmas presents (yes it’s November but she’s always liked to be early – buying presents is kinda her favourite thing about the holiday) and she’ll start panicking over what she’s going to do in New Ham because everyone is going to want to spend it with their families but they can’t because their parents are gone and-

Those take a little longer to break out of, but they’re over quicker every time.

 

*

 

No one really comes up with an explanation as to what happened.

Gordie tried, Becca and Kelly try, but there seems to just be a consensus that it did happen and they don’t know why.

“I just know that it’s over and we’re back and I don’t want to think any more about it if I don’t have to.” Harry tells her one night when she asks.

“Are you not scared we’ll end up going back?”

“No. At least if we did, it’d be different. We’d all have each other.”

She lets his words sink in and comfort her somewhat.

“That’s cheesy, coming from you. No more ‘keep whatever is yours’ preaching?”

He groans, and she’s laughing even more.

“It’s much more fun when I make jokes at your expense, Pressman.”

“Hmm, I don’t think so.”

They’re both quiet after. They’re lying on Harry’s bed, side to side. Not actually close enough to touch, but she can hear his soft breaths.

“You know, Kelly does have a theory.” He nearly whispers. Allie turns on her side to face him, but he isn’t looking at her.

“Oh, yeah?”

“She doesn’t know we went, but she thinks how we came back is what matters. That the people we came back with… there’s a special connection.”

“What? Like soulmates or something?”

“Yeah.” He says and she has to strain to hear him.

“Is this just them trying to push us two together again?” Allie asks, feigning irritation whilst her heart feels like it’s in her mouth.

“I don’t think so. Think about it.” Harry now turns to face her too, and they’re so close to one another.

“I thought it was just whoever you remembered last before coming here.”

“But what if that’s the point? Grizz and Sam. Becca and Kelly. That’s two out of three who seem like they’re going to end up together forever, is that really a coincidence?”

“So why haven’t Luke and Helena come back? Clark and Gwen? That makes no sense, Harry.”

“Maybe they weren’t meant to be.” Harry explains carefully, and Allie finds herself feeling getting more and more defensive by the conversation than she thought she would.

“And what about Gordie? He came back with no one that we know of.”

 “He also had no memory of anyone like we all did.” Harry averts his eyes away from hers like he’s afraid of hurting her. “Allie… it would’ve been Cassandra.”

 _It would’ve been Cassandra_ but it wasn’t because she was murdered.

Suddenly, Allie is up and looking for her shoes that she’s sure she threw by the bed and is lacing them up already. She just doesn’t know how to respond to this or just how to _be_ right now and so she needs to get out.

“Allie. Allie, come on.” Harry moves to sit next to her. He reaches for her and she recoils. It’s hard to ignore the hurt on his face but she’s already feeling too much at once to focus on it.

“I just remembered it’s supposed to be my night to help my mom with the cooking. I gotta get going.” It’s a lame excuse and the words fall out as flat as the attempt is but she’s nearly out the door. Her back is turned away when Harry attempts to salvage the conversation.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just… a stupid theory, you know?” She doesn’t know if he believes that or not, but his voice is so gentle and she’s aware she could turn around and forget it all now, let him hold her as she calms down.

Instead, the tears fall from her eyes freely and she doesn’t turn back around to let him see. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

 

*

 

Allie guesses she shouldn’t have been surprised when Kelly turns up at her door in the morning. She makes them both a cup of tea and feels Kelly watching her more intensely than she would if it were any other normal day.

“Are you okay?” She simply asks, and that’s all Allie needs to know.

“Harry spoke to you.” She states, and at least Kelly doesn’t pretend otherwise.

“I think he’s worried about you. You know what he’s like.” Allie holds her head in her hands for a few seconds because of course, he wouldn’t let this go. She was half pretending they would just carry on like normal. “He told you. The soulmate idea.”

Allie just nods in confirmation. Kelly tilts her head like she’s trying to figure her out.

“What is it that’s upsetting you then?”

(She feels an awful lot like she’s in a therapy session.)

Allie shrugs.

“I just think it’s bullshit. All that hell we went through… I killed someone, Kelly… just for some kind of simulation to find our soulmate? What?”

Kelly doesn’t look the least bit phased. “No. I don’t know why that happened, why we were sent there really. I think it was mistake. Just that maybe this was our way back, through finding each other. Is that really so bad?”

This is what sets Allie off. “Yes, because _I_ don’t deserve it. Why should I get to have my normal life back with my ‘soulmate’ whilst the others are still there, unaware they can get out?”

“Maybe they just haven’t found them yet. Give it time.” Kelly offers, as if it’s as simple as that.

Allie’s phone lights up and she looks at Harry’s name showing. It’s his 4th call of the day so far. She continues to leave it on silent.

“You deserve happiness just as much as anyone else, Allie.” She says so matter-of-fact that Allie almost rolls her eyes. She wishes she could believe her, she desperately wants to.

 

* 

 

They pretend Harry never brought it up.

She knows it isn’t the healthiest way to deal with it, but she much prefers it.

(What she doesn’t prefer is the distance Harry puts between them. Instead of sitting next to her, he’ll sit opposite or make sure someone’s in between them. He doesn’t hold her hand to comfort her or just to play with her fingers when he’s bored. They definitely never share the same bed. It’s small, but she notices.)

Becca also doesn’t make as many jokes as she used to. She’s sure that’s Kelly’s doing.

 

* 

 

It still nags away at her though.

She’s out shopping with her mom when she asks her out of nowhere, “do you believe in soulmates?”

Her mother looks at her in surprise, and almost amusement. “Why?”

“I don’t know. I was just wondering.”

“I do. Ever since I met your father, I do.” Her mother answers for her. She isn’t sure what she wanted to hear. “Why, are you telling me you’ve found yours?”

 

*

 

Cassandra is facetiming her for the second time, and Allie wouldn’t normally answer because she’s out with Becca but Cassandra will never facetime twice if it isn’t important. So, she apologises and answers the call.

“What is it, Cass? I can’t really talk right now.”

The first thing she notices is the vibrant smile on her sister’s face along with Gordie who still looks at her like she hung the moon.

“I’m really sorry, I’m dying to tell you because I just wanted you to be the first to know.”

“To know what?” Allie questions, but Cassandra answers for her when she holds up her hand. Her hand that has a fancy ring on her engagement finger.

“Holy shit,” Becca breathes, and Allie feels her entire reaction summed up in those two words.

“Oh my god!” Allie all but screams, her excitement through the roof.

“I know it’s maybe quite soon into all this and unlike me but… I’ve never been more sure of anything.” Cassandra tells her, although she’s mostly looking at Gordie. Her fiancé. It’s going to take Allie some getting used to.

“I’m so happy for you both. Truly.” Allie confesses, and she so wishes her sister were back in West Ham so she could give her a hug and congratulate her in person. “Wait, have you told mom and dad?”

“Not yet, so if you could not tell them that would be great.”

Allie’s already looking forward to their reactions. “Mom is going to cry.”

“Oh, absolutely.”

“Wait, does this mean I get to be bridesmaid?” Allie gasps.

“We’re not doing this already,” Cassandra laughs, “Go back to enjoy your day. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Okay, it’s not over though, and you’re definitely going to tell me everything.”

Cassandra pretends she’s making a fuss but Allie knows she’s secretly enjoying it just as much.

Her older sister is _engaged._

 

*

 

As she does with every bit of news, she has to tell Harry.

She’s just so happy that she wants to share it with him so she goes to his house after leaving Becca.

“I love that you’re pretending to be as enthusiastic as I am about this.” Allie tells him, acknowledging the way he’s smiling just as much as she is.

“I’m not pretending.” He disputes, acting like he’s upset with her for suggesting he would be. “Your happiness is just contagious.”

She looks up at him and can only focus on how he’s looking at her in awe.

It takes her a moment to register why it seems so familiar and then she thinks about how Gordie was looking at Cassandra and she _knows_.

“What is it?” He asks, because he can detect her change in mood that quickly. Harry knows her better than anyone at this point.

“Remember what you said,” she starts, knowing that maybe she’s going somewhere she shouldn’t, “about soulmates.”

Harry diverts his eyes and sighs. “It was just a dumb idea, Allie. I blame Kelly, honestly. Just forget about it. It doesn’t matter, or make sense really.”

Allie shakes her head. “Harry, I’m in love with you.”

He stops, his mouth open, completely speechless. He looks almost comical, but Allie finds it endearing, and wow if that doesn’t sum up how much she really loves him.

“I have been for a long time. Before you told me about that. I think that’s why I started freaking out.” She begins to explain, and he still looks just as shocked. “I just… hate this idea that you might feel like you have to feel the same just because the universe is telling you that you should.”

“Allie,”

“I know, it’s silly and I’m sorry for reacting the way I did. I should’ve-“

He cuts her off by pressing his lips against hers. She responds immediately, as if she’s waited forever for this (she’s waited an entire new universe – she’ll give herself that). It’s different to that night by the pool. That was tender, quick. This time there’s no hesitation. With lips tingling and his thumb softly stroking her cheek, their foreheads touch and Allie’s smiling even more brightly than she was before.

“I love you too, and just for the record, it’s not because the universe told me.” He states. “If anything, I think I told the universe.”

“Oh, yeah?” She teases. There’s nothing more Harry Bingham than him thinking he has such a power.

“Ever since you got hit by that car and got up like it was nothing screaming that we had fugitives to catch-“

“What, you just knew?”

He laughs. “Maybe I did.”

“Shut up, you did not.” She hits his stomach playfully which makes him laugh even harder, and she’s kissing him again because really she just hates (loves) the idiot.

 

*

 

No one is surprised when they tell them. Cassandra just rolls her eyes and asks if that was the only reason she called, Becca dramatically yells ‘ _finally!_ ’, her mother is similarly over the moon and Grizz gives Elle the money he owes for apparently losing the bet on when it would happen.

“You know, I wonder who the next poor couple it’s going to be that they all bully.” Allie wonders out loud to Harry. They still haven’t had anyone from New Ham seem to come back.

“As long as it isn’t us, I don’t care.”

“Imagine how different things would be if we hadn’t actually left.”

He has the nerve to start laughing. “Yeah, you’d be with Will apparently.”

“You’re just not going to let that go, are you?”

“Never.”

She pretends to sigh dramatically, but then moves so her head is leaning on his chest. “I’m glad it was you all this time.”

The last memory she had of New Ham was Harry holding onto her touch as he lay in bed completely alone. It was a point in her leadership where she felt the same.

Now, Harry presses a kiss to the top of her head, amidst all her messy curls, and Allie lets herself fall asleep holding the boy she loves.

 

*

 

**Becca changed the group name to ‘The Hallie Agenda Has Been Fulfilled’**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was the real first fanfiction i wrote and i can't tell you all enough how much i have appreciated the comments & kudos i have received. to think when i posted the first chapter i was ready to delete it all just as quickly and now i'm already thinking about the next hallie au i want to write is insane, so thank you!!


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